Midnight
by Shooting.across.my.Sky
Summary: Edward's story - Chapter 7: "High school clamor was significantly nauseating. It might actually be better for half of these students to stop thinking. They might just make smarter decisions."
1. Introduction and Chapter 2

**Midnight Sun**

This is Edward's story, which we all know has only the first chapter written so far. I decided to continue with and attempt to write the rest of the book until the actual Midngiht Sun comes out. I hope this satisfys the readers that want something to read in the mean time

Disclaimer: Yes, there are several direct quotes from Twilight, mostly dialogue. I own nothing.

I do not know how often I will be able to post, but I am currently working on the next chapter.

I would love it if you reviewed and told me what I could work on, or just your opinion of the story.

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And the story begins:

Chapter 1 already written by S. Meyer. To read it - visit her website

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Chapter 2:

My jaw was tight and my hands gripped the wheel with intensity great enough to break it. I knew I alone could decide my fate. What would I choose? To stay or to go? To retain humanity or become a monster? Somewhere down the road I realized that either way I would end up leaving. If I killed Isabella Swan, my entire family, our current existence, _everything_ would have to pick up and leave, again.

Her blood _would_ be worth it, the monster growled.

I shuddered. But it was an option.

My other option was to leave Isabella Swan where she was and force myself to leave. I would be forced to leave for a simple, insignificant human. I abhorred the idea, and yet, the other option was just as horrific.

I needed to talk to Carlisle.

The ride was not long, not when driving at 90 miles an hour. The muddled thoughts in my head made the ride seem even shorter. No one in the hospital had the courage to question my presence or my fierce expression. I continued forward, ignoring gaping stares, concentrating solely on finding Carlisle.

I found him easily, tracing his scent. Carlisle could tell from my forlorn expression that I was not here on a minor matter. His thoughts expressed concern as he pulled me aside into a separate room. He didn't need to talk to ask me what was happening.

"Carlisle…" I sighed, anxious. I had no idea how to word this. It was at times like this that I wished people could see into my mind. To see what I felt. To understand how painful the decision was.

And I had finally made my decision.

"I'm need to take your car and leave. Yes, now. I can't stop on the way, and I need the full tank of gas. I will head to Alaska. Alice will explain at home." I talked at full speed, answering Carlisle's unspoken questions. I looked down, unable bear the shame that was overwhelming me, the shame from the monster that had almost taken over. I feared that if I looked up, Carlisle would see the monster lurking behind my eyes.

The monster that was still roaring at the decision I made.

Carlisle was silent for a minute. When he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper, expressing the thought that I could hear in his mind anyways.

"And there is no other way…"

"No." I answered curtly. I wanted to leave quickly, before my body decided that abstinence from human blood was not the right path. The smells from the hospital were getting to me, and the only reason I had not acted was that none of these smells compared even one bit to the one scent that still lingered in the bottom of my throat. The monster reawakened as I imagined how that one _smell_ would _taste_. I looked up at Carlisle, and saw him attempt to hide the repulsion he felt from the expression on my face.

It was a face of terrible hunger and thirst, one that wouldn't be satiated by anything but the blood of Bella Swan.

Carlisle handed me the keys to his car without further questions, and I was out the door in a matter of seconds. His parting thoughts attempted to soothe, full of faith in me. _Good luck. We will love you no matter how it fares. Come back as soon as possible._

Out on the road I blasted the music, filling my mind with senseless noise that should have drained my mind of every thought. Yet, I could still think.

I drove faster.

--

Two days. Sixteen Hours. Twelve minutes. Fifty-nine seconds. There was not much I could do here but count the time I had been away from my home. Now that I was finally in Alaska, I could hardly remember why I came in the first place. Was her blood really _that_ irresistible? So irresistible that I could not even be in the same town as her without wanting her? It was hard to believe that there was such a powerful force in the world. I couldn't believe that this girl was keeping me away from my home.

_Home_. The word didn't seem to satisfy what I was truly longing for. No, the word I was looking for was _family_, all different yet so close that no other word could describe us better. I saw Esme's face, drenched in worry, and anger. She would be upset that I did not see her before I left. It pained me to think of how I was hurting her, but if I had told her why I was leaving she would not have let me go. She would have said it wasn't necessary, that I could have gotten over it at home, without needing to leave. I could see Carlisle's face, patient and calm, asking Alice to see when I would return. He somehow still believed in me.

Alice and Rosalie were easier to see in my mind; they would be worried about me, Alice more so that Rosalie. Rosalie would worry for me when she was not worrying about herself. I could see Emmett, who was always open to new ideas, always willing to share his thoughts, with an upset look, wondering when his younger brother would be home. And Jasper would be the most upset, with the others' tensions adding to his own, still confused as to how I could be so _weak_ and leave because of one human. One small human girl.

I growled at this weakness. _No_, I thought, this weakness would not cripple me. One human girl would not make me stay from what I needed, what I wanted.

I would leave for Forks tonight.

--

The Denali Clan had been gracious hosts, letting me go just as easily as I had come. I was grateful that no questions were asked on my coming or going, though I saw the questions burning in Tanya's eyes, or rather in her thoughts. But kind as their family was, I could never have made a home there. I found happiness seep into mind for the first time in a few days.

I was going home. I was going to my family.

The ride seemed even longer on the way back than it was on the way there. I was impatient to see my family. I listened to softer music this time, letting the anxiousness flow out of my system. I hummed to the song lightheartedly as I passed the sign saying that I was entering Forks. It was nearly midnight.

I first heard Alice's voice and thoughts spring the same idea. _He's home! He's home! He's home! I told you he would be home by today!_ Emmett groaned, _Damn it Edward! You couldn't have waited 3 minutes!_ I smirked.

Emmett had bet against Alice and had lost, again. He clearly didn't learn from his mistakes. I failed to comprehend why he even bet against Alice at all, especially when he knew that she could see the future.

I heard more familiar chatter in my mind that I was so attuned to. I found myself laughing freely as my family came out to greet me.

Alice ran lithely towards me and hugged me eagerly. Emmett, forgetting his earlier anger, was just as exuberant, if not more. I found myself being swung around and thrown on the ground.

"Finally. I needed someone else to wrestle. Jasper is no fun after awhile, especially when he loses. He's a bit of a sore loser…" Emmett trailed off, glancing behind his shoulder. I rolled my eyes and smirked at Emmett's attempt to instigate Jasper. All of us knew that, though Emmett was the stronger one, Jasper had more skill when it came to the actual fight.

As expected, Jasper would not take that comment without a fight, and I found myself in the middle of one of their scuffles. For once I did not mind. Jasper was thinking about throwing me into a tree instead of giving me a welcome home hug, and I dodged him easily when he attacked. I was in a three-way wrestling match that was as light-hearted and happy as Jasper's feelings. He was just as glad to see me home as Emmett was.

Rosalie came out into the yard to see what all the commotion was about and found herself being swept up by Emmett, who ran back to the house to tell Esme and Carlisle that I was home.

"Yeah, right," Jasper murmured, "He's going in to tell Esme and Carlisle that you're home. As if they don't already know. Who's backing away from the fight now?" Jasper smirked, knowing that Emmett would hear him. They would finish this fight later. "Welcome home, by the way."

"It's good to be back," I grinned back.

I was unable to wipe the grin off of my face as I entered my home. Esme was there, anxiously waiting, her thoughts solely centered on my safety and happiness.

"Mom." I smiled apologetically, hugging her tightly until even she let out a small smile, although Jasper might have played some role in that. Carlisle simply patted my back. He knew I would have gotten over my problem and come home without Alice needing to tell him.

It felt good to be back.

--

That night, I planned a hunting trip, and Emmett and Jasper decided to come along. The moment I had reached Alaska, I had hunted, so I was not very thirsty just then. I chose to hunt anyways. This time I would be prepared for her.

Bella Swan. My Demon.

The one girl whose mind was a mystery to me. Even though I couldn't read her thoughts, it was clear that my intense hatred scared her. I frowned. Her fear could give us away. I needed to treat her how I treated every other human in this school; I would not let my family be uprooted again for my mistake. The monster nearly lost all control as I thought of _her_ scent with my accentuated sense of smell. I would need to hunt more, larger game tonight.

We hunted well into the night when I decided that I was ready to face whatever was thrown at me. I was ready to face my personal hell.

--

I spent the better part of the useless school morning searching for Bella Swan's mind among the many familiar voices, still hoping that I would hear her new voice. Her voice was not among the many in this ridiculous school. I was annoyed beyond reason.

"Any luck." Alice said softly, at a speed that only I would understand.

I scowled. She got the message.

Even more angering than not being able to read Bella's thoughts, were the thoughts _about_ Bella, most of which wanted to make me gag. Looking at Bella through several minds again, I wondered what could have made me so ready to give up my humanity. She was just a human girl, easily delt with.

Putting aside my current task, I instead focused on Jasper. He was not in good shape. Even after a night of hunting, his teeth were just as ready to draw human blood. I had caught his eye earlier and he had looked away, embarrassed. I knew he couldn't help it, but that didn't stop my irritation.

Was it really necessary for him to go through with this? He didn't look like a teenager, so why should he have to play the part if he couldn't handle it?

Alice's vision flowed into my mind as though I was the one directly seeing it. I groaned. It was Jasper. Again. This was starting to become a daily nuisance.

My irritation lay in the fact that there was nothing I could do to help him. I could warn Alice about what he was thinking, and she could warn me about Jasper's future, but neither of us could actually _prevent_ his actions or thoughts. I was frustrated: unable to help Jasper, unable to read Bella's mind.

I was becoming more and more useless.

Clenching my fists, I looked out the window of my English Literature room.

It was the first snow of the season. Snow was truly a beautiful thing. Cold, smooth, and the source of happiness for many.

_But not for Bella Swan_.

Mike Newton's thoughts, though quite unoriginal from the other males' perception of Bella, did give me an insight into her likes, and dislikes in this case. She didn't like the snow, or at least the cold anyways. Her dislike of all things cold bothered me more than it should have.

The loud blaring bell signified the end of the class and the beginning of lunch, another meaningless time period for my family. The entire lunch period, we stared off in different directions, talking so no one could hear us, staring at the food we couldn't eat, while people walked pass us in awe. Even after being at this school for several months, people _still_ could not get over the idea that we were different, and, in their eyes, beautiful. While Rosalie reveled in the attention, until that too eventually bored her, I shrunk away from it.

It was my job to make sure people did not think that we were too different from them. My special sense was supposed to let us know if anyone got too close to guessing the truth. But how could I be relied on when my power had an exception?

The snow outside did little to calm my aggravation.

Alice walked by smirking and I had barely a second to react to her thoughts when a snowball smacked the back of my head. I turned around to find Emmett smiling smugly behind me, goading me.

_Poor Edward couldn't dodge it in time. Someone's getting a little rusty._

I snarled at Emmett, only loud enough so he could hear. He grinned back, flashing his white gleaming teeth.

So he thought I was rusty did he, just because I couldn't read one human's mind? If I had dodged the snowball, which would not have been difficult, the snowball would have hit Tyler Crowley with enough force to knock him out. Better to take Emmett's blow than have some child unconscious on the ground because of a snowball. Then again, a snowball to his head might have woken him up from his little fantasies about Bella…

"Aren't you little bit too old to be playing games?" I snapped. Emmett grinned back. Yes, he was _definitely_ too old to be playing games. I rolled my eyes at him. The age joke was getting old.

Alice's thoughts screamed out at me. A vision of Jasper drinking Angela's blood, right there in the snow 5 feet away, less than a minute from now. Angela would trip over Jasper and scrap her knee. Blood would flow. Alice was frantic. _Do something! You were right there!_

On queue, Jasper walked outside into the snow.

And before I knew what I was doing, I sent a snowball sailing.

It smacked Jasper's back.

Emmett turned to me, incredulous that he wasn't the one hit. Jasper's face flashed from anger to shock, and finally rested on a smirk as he felt the atmosphere of a challenge. I ducked, at human speed, as Jasper's snowball flew past my head and hit a tree. The tree shook from the force of the snowball and dropped a large pile of snow on the car under it. I shot Jasper a look of warning; his lips tightened and he nodded. He was lucky there was no one around to watch; everyone was in the cafeteria, their thoughts elsewhere. He would clean the snow off of the car under the tree later.

His scowl transformed into a smirk.

_Let the game begin._

_--_

We sat down at our usual lunch table, hair soaking wet and ruffled. We had gotten a little too into the fight and had to run home to change into similar clothing. Alice was sure that nobody would notice the difference. Our hair, however, remained the same. At least it looked realistic. And I was still in the lunchroom before Bella Swan.

The snow fight, though quite childish, had been surprisingly soothing.

_We should do that more often_, Emmett's deep "voice" bellowed, a laugh rumbling in his stomach. Emmett looked absolutely ridiculous when he was soaking wet, and I couldn't help myself. I laughed along with him. Jasper looked between Emmett and me and scowled.

Emmett had pummeled Jasper completely, and was gloating by shaking his wet head at a disgusted Rosalie. Jasper was moping. His thoughts were shouting about the unfair advantage Emmett had. Emmett could use his strength to some extent, while Jasper could not use his skill at all.

At least Jasper's thoughts were not on the humans that surrounded him, which put me at ease, for now. Alice, though thoroughly annoyed with Emmett for getting her new clothes wet, was grateful for my intervention. And I felt fairly happy myself. It felt good to finally be useful at something, since I couldn't tell what Bella was thinking.

And as though someone said my name out loud, I heard Jessica's thoughts sneer my name. _Bella is staring at Cullen again. Clearly she doesn't get it. Edward. Cullen. Doesn't. Date. At least that's the impression he gave me… _Her thoughts went on a tangent that I no longer cared about. My head shot up and I was staring right into the eyes of Bella Swan. Her warm soft chocolate eyes gazed at mine for a fraction of a second before she looked down again blushing.

Even her blush was nauseatingly irresistible, and I growled as the amount of venom in my throat doubled. There was no way to pull away from _that_ scent. The monster gazed hungrily in her direction. Jasper raised his eyebrows, sensing the change in emotions. I sighed, trying to regain control of my thirst.

"Sorry," I murmured. I didn't want to make it any harder for Jasper. He had trouble keeping control as it was, and the way my emotions were around _her_ scent was going to make his situation a thousand times worse. Jasper nodded in my direction before turning back to Alice.

Despite my apology, I couldn't keep my eyes away from her. She had white, almost transparent, skin and a heart shaped face. Her chocolate eyes were deep and mysterious, drawing me in. Or maybe they were only mysterious because I couldn't see what was happening in the mind behind those eyes. Either ways, I couldn't move away from the conversation. I longed to hear her voice again, to hear what I was missing out in her mind. It was like a mystery waiting to be unraveled.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you," Jessica giggled. Even someone as thickheaded as Jessica could figure out that much. Her thoughts were laced with jealousy. Quite expected. I waited for Bella's response.

"He doesn't look angry, does he?"

Her voice surprised me. It was much different than any other human voice I had ever heard. It was…melodious, even calming. I found myself leaning forward, attracted to it. Like she was the predator and I was _her_ prey. I sneered at the very thought. She is just a weak human, I reminded myself.

It took me a minute to sift through the context of her words. Angry, was putting very mildly what I had been feeling at that time. I cringed at the idea of her fearing me. I must have looked possessed, and I could tell that she knew it was more than just anger that day. Her heart rate shot up when she asked if I had looked "angry".

_What are you doing Edward?_

Alice was looking at me curiously. I held up my hand and shook my head at her. She followed my line of vision and saw Bella. She nodded minutely before turning away. My eyes didn't need to focus back on Bella; they had never left her face in the first place.

"No. Should he be?" Jessica asked, her thoughts racing faster than her words. There was relief and happiness that Bella wasn't any more special than she was. I scoffed at that idea. Bella wasn't more special, in that sense; she was just in significantly more danger.

"I don't think he likes me." Bella said softly back.

I would have given anything to know what was going through her head in that moment. Was she scared that I didn't like her? She did look a bit sick as her head fell on her arm. Was she irritated that I didn't like her? Was she _disappointed_? I felt despair spread through me. Regardless of what she meant, feelings in humans are generally reciprocated. If she thought that I did not like her, it was very likely that she did not like me back. I wouldn't let that happen. There was a force pulling me towards her, and I found myself genuinely wanting her to like me. I needed to get back in her good books. For my family, I reminded myself.

"The Cullens don't like anybody…well, they don't notice anybody enough to like them. But he's still staring at you." Jessica stared back curiously in my direction. I looked down automatically. As much as I didn't want her to hate me, I didn't want her to think I was stalking her either. At the thought of stalking her, my body reacted with more venom. I could still follow her, or tell her to come with me. I knew she would follow. And after that…_No! _Alice and Jasper both turned to look at me.

"Control yourself!" Alice hissed, but her eyes were sympathetic. I shut out her thoughts, not wanting to know what she had seen. By this time, Rosalie and Emmett had turned to stare at me. I shook my head and they turned away.

I closed my eyes and stopped breathing for a minute, letting my mind drain out all thoughts. I took deep breaths and then sighed. I needed to get my mind off of Bella Swan before I drove Jasper on edge and he went crazy, literally. I let my thoughts focus someone else's mind. Anyone else's problems would be better than mine. I focused on first person that walked by me as the bell rang. That person was Mike Newton. He turned out to be the wrong choice.

_Damn it! Bella doesn't want to come to the snow fight after school. I even took the efforts to convince Jessica to come, and they're like what…best friends? And it's not even snowing anymore! There goes my plan with Bella. Maybe I should be more obvious. She's probably the type of girl who likes strong supportive guys. I'm definitely her type of guy. All I need to do is get her to like me best. It shouldn't be too hard, even with Eric after her too. God! Even Edward Cullen was staring at her today. But I bet he doesn't know how to do what I can do…at least I've been seen dating… _

His voice took a defensive turn, and his mind began spitting out images of him and Bella. I shook my head. I did _not_ need to see what Mike Newton thought he could do to Bella Swan. I tried to shut out his thoughts as best as I could, but I found it hard to concentrate on anything else.

It took me a few seconds to realize that I was actually fuming. Mike Newton had always been an annoyingly hormonal teenager, but this was pushing my limit. I fought to suppress an angry snarl, but it was becoming more and more difficult as Newton's images became more and more vivid. Alice turned to me, eyebrows raised.

_Mike Newton covered in bruises from a car crash..._

_Mike Newton in the emergency room with a many broken bones…_

_Mike Newton…_

I didn't need to continue seeing Alice's flashing visions to know who was planning Mike Newton's several injuries. I stormed out of the lunchroom before Alice could get a word in. It was too bad that she didn't need to speak to get her thoughts heard.

_What did he do to you, Edward?_

She tried to hide a smile and failed.

I ignored her and continued walking towards Biology.

Mike Newton's mental images kept up from the lunchroom to the Biology room and by the end of his train of thought I realized that I was more likely to kill Mike Newton than Bella Swan.

No one deserved to be treated like that, I reasoned, even if it was only in someone's mind. It was beyond disgusting, it was…like desecrating a Chapel. It was utterly wrong. But despite my justifications, I could not deny that there was something bothersome about my unexpectedly violent emotions. I had never felt the need to protect anyone outside of my family like that before.

I did not unclench my fists until I entered the Biology room. By then, Mike Newton's thoughts had moved on.

There _she_ was, just sitting there, right next to where I would soon be sitting. Mr. Banner had just finished distributing slides and microscopes, which didn't give me much to concentrate on, except the boredom of doing this lab yet _again_. At least I could focus most of my attention on not killing Bella. _And being friendly and more human_.

_She_ was looking down and doodling on her notebook, giving me time to compose myself as I sat down on the seat next to her. The heater blew her hair in my direction.

I froze in my seat.

My entire body nearly keeled over with the physical pain it took not to let my other senses take over. My inhuman senses. Despite all my efforts, I was miserably failing.

My mind was becoming hazy, slowly forgetting why I was resisting her blood. Resisting such a call would be outrageous. Her scent hit me as hard as it did the first time. The scent I remembered was weaker, stale from not smelling it for an entire week.

The scent in front of me was fresh. The monster moaned with pleasure.

Venom was building up in my mouth.

The pain.

The effort.

It could all be over in just a second. I would only need a second to take out everyone else.

Then I would approach her.

Someone's binder hit the floor, blowing a different scent in my direction.

The spell broke, and I worked to dispel the nauseous feeling that came from denying myself from her. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to refocus. I was going to treat her like any other human. I could do this; the scent was not going to overpower me anymore. Next time, I would expect the scent to be just as strong, and I would be ready for it. I would stay humane.

I chuckled at the irony.

My body relaxed from its tense position, and I felt a smile light my face, laughing at my own joke. Though I did not dare to move my chair any closer, or unclench my fist, I was finally ready to speak. I took a deep breath.

"Hello," I said quietly.

She looked up shocked. Probably because my voice wasn't as hate filled and monstrous as she thought it would be, I thought guiltily. Making sure my features were in check and I was as relaxed as I was going to be, I continued.

"My name is Edward Cullen. I didn't get have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

She still said nothing. I reflexively tried to prod at her mind, but alas, I heard nothing. It was as though she didn't exist. I frowned.

Of all the people in this world, the one person's mind I couldn't read _happened_ to be suspicious of me. _Great_, I thought sarcastically. This must be God's way of punishing me for my wrong deeds. Either that or it was just my _amazingly_ bad luck.

"H-how do you know my name?" she stammered finally, breaking through my silent angry torrent. Her nerves were racing.

She probably didn't even know about half of the attention she was getting at this school. After all, she was Isabella Swan, the daughter of Chief Swan's flighty wife. I had only been here for a few months, and even _I_ knew about her situation. Poor girl. I broke the news to her.

"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's waiting for you to arrive." I smiled at her sympathetically.

"No. I meant, why did you call me Bella?" she persisted.

What?

I was quite sure that after awhile everyone began calling her Bella. What was I missing?

"Do you prefer Isabella?" I asked, confused.

"No, I like Bella. But I think Charlie – I mean my dad – must call me Isabella behind my back – that's what everyone here seems to know me as," she kindly explained.

My lips tightened slightly, but not enough for her to notice.

Of course.

People only began calling her Bella once they had actually _spoken_ to her. I did not fall into that category. I was so used to seeing her in others' minds as Bella that I did not once pause to think that she would notice the difference.

Apparently she was intuitive enough to notice. I would have to speak carefully around her. I made a small reply that ended our conversation.

We began the lab. I let her go first. I had done this lab a countless amount of times, with different variations. I certainly did not need to pay attention now to know how to do this lab for a later assessment. After she was done looking at the slide, I looked into the microscope to see if she was correct. I accidentally grabbed her hand, and instantly jerked back.

The feeling that coursed through me was incredibly different from anything I had ever felt. The only physical contact I had with humans in nearly 85 years was when it was absolutely necessary. This was different. I had let my guard down and had accidentally brushed her hand. It was like an electric shock had shot through me, breathing life into parts of my body that in a way that I never expected. I attributed this as a reaction to the warmth in her blood.

"I'm sorry," I muttered and we continued. Her answer was correct. Still distracted by her touch, I looked at the next slide and gave my answer a little too quickly. She looked at me skeptically and asked if she could check. I smirked and handed her the microscope, careful not to touch her hand this time.

As if an 85-year-old vampire with 2 medical degrees needed to get his work checked by a junior in high school! She seemed disappointed when she confirmed that I was right. My smirk grew more prominent.

We were done before any of the groups. Bella, I decided, was not only intuitive, but also intelligent. Though we worked well together, I still knew nothing about her. Well, nothing that she had actually told me. I could not have her thinking that I was completely unsocial.

"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" I asked, making small talk.

"Not really," she answered. I knew this was an honest answer. At least she did not feel the need to lie to me. That was a good start.

"You don't like the cold." I was sure that I was safe in assuming this.

"Or the wet," she added.

"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live," I mused.

"You have no idea," she muttered darkly. I continued gaze at her, wanting to penetrate her mind. There was something I was missing, something I still did not understand…

"Why did you come here, then?" I questioned. She seemed taken back for moment. I knew the question was direct, but my curiosity was overwhelming. I needed to know. Was she only sent here to torment my senses?

"It's…complicated." she replied, slightly uncomfortable.

"I think I can keep up," I responded comfortingly. I knew I could keep up. It was not hard to comprehend human emotions. I looked into her eyes again, waiting.

Apparently something in my eyes convinced her to continue, because she began her story. She told me how her mother remarried last September, a personal experience I'm sure I will never undergo. I, however, could still provide sympathy. Sympathy was not what she needed.

Her reasoning for coming to Forks was something different altogether. It was not because she did not like the man her mother married, but so her mother could spend time with him without having her as a burden. Why would she want to leave her home behind so that her mother could travel with her new husband? Why was she giving up her home that was warmer and drier? _And safer_.

No, I did not understand at all.

And what frustrated me the most was that, had it been any other human, I would be able to see the reasoning behind it. But Bella was not any other human, and I was left in the dark.

"She stayed at me at first, but she missed him. It made her unhappy…so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie," she concluded with a small sigh. Her selfless act was different from most humans. And then suddenly I understood. She was just showing kindness for her mother. True genuine kindness.

It was fascinating.

"But now you're unhappy." I couldn't help pointing out.

"And?" she challenged, wondering what I was getting at.

"That doesn't seem fair." I replied nonchalantly, making sure my voice sounded even. My interest in her thoughts needed to be kept a secret. I didn't know at what moment I had crossed the fine line between frustration and curiosity; all I knew was that it had been crossed. If she really knew how interested I had suddenly become in her…if she truly knew what I was…she would be out of the door and running.

I wasn't quite sure that I would let her go.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair." She laughed humorlessly.

There was a statement I could fully relate to.

"I believe I _have_ heard that somewhere." I agreed dryly.

"So that's all," she concluded. _No_, I thought, _that isn't all_. There was so much I didn't know yet. So much I craved to know.

"You put on a good show," I started slowly, "but I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see." I gazed into her eyes, wanting to draw the truth out of them. "Am I wrong?" I asked, watching her. She turned away and pouted_. I was right_, I thought, satisfied, _and I didn't even look into her mind_. "I didn't think so," I smirked. I could afford to be confident now

"Why does it matter to _you?_" she questioned, honestly curious. I was taken aback when I realized I did not know how to answer it.

Why _was_ I asking? I already knew that this conversation was heading against the stream of normality, but I couldn't bring myself to stop it. There were questions I wanted answered too. What made Bella so special? Why could I not see into her mind? I wanted to talk to Carlisle.

But that is not what Bella wanted to know. She wanted to know why I _cared_. I could not answer.

"That's a very good question." I muttered, still in thought. Was I only asking questions to dig deeper into a mind that I knew nothing about or was it something more? Did I really _care_ about her? No, it was impossible. I had just met her. But then where did those violent emotions come from beforehand…

I snuck a subtle glance at Bella and saw her give me a frustrated look before looking down, much like the look I was giving her before. Was she frustrated because she didn't know what was going through _my_ head? The thought made me smile.

"Am I annoying you?" I tried to hide my laughter. She looked up again and sighed.

"Not exactly. I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read – my mother always calls me her open book." She looked upset, and on the spot I decided that a little truth from my end wouldn't hurt

"On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read." In fact, she was the only person I couldn't read.

"You must be a good reader then." Bella replied. I laughed at the truth of that statement. Even though she had no idea of the truth in her words, she was absolutely correct.

"Usually." I smiled wider, showing my teeth.

Mr. Banner turned our attention to the front of the room again and the easy, friendly atmosphere disappeared. When she spoke, I was less aware of her scent than usual and more aware of her words. But now that she was no longer talking, I felt the scent overpower my senses again. But it was different now. It was not only her scent that I found tempting, but also her mind. She was too interesting for her own good.

The heater blew more air in and I automatically tensed. I had had enough of _her_ scent for one sitting. I feared that too much would break me down completely. I couldn't have that happening, especially after I had just decided that her life was now so much more important. She was one of the few selfless humans in this world, I told myself. She was someone who truly deserved to live. Yet there was another reason that I kept her alive, something unidentifiable.

It was sensation I felt when I looked into her eyes. Touched her skin.

The bell rang, and I left my thoughts behind in that small cramped room. The instant I hit open air, I took a deep breath and cleansed my senses of the luscious scent coming from Bella Swan.

Alice was already in my last class when I arrived. Her eyes were closed and she sat, unmoving. I tuned into her mind, watching what she was seeing.

_Jasper was at home, at the bottom of the stairs, frozen, tense._

_Emmett was smiling, but was uncomfortable with Rosalie's gaze…_

_And Rosalie was clearly furious, not bothering to hide it._

_All the attention was focused on the couch…and on the couch…_

"Alice?" Mr. Varner looked at her, concerned. I kicked Alice. Her eyes refocused and she gazed from me to Mr. Varner, who now looked extremely worried.

"Are you okay? You blanked out there for a minute…" Mr. Varner trailed off, waiting for Alice's explanation.

"Migraines," Alice sighed dramatically. I raised my eyebrows, but Alice continued with the same enthusiasm. "They're getting to be very troublesome, Mr. Varner. I think there's something wrong. Could I go to the Nurse's Office?"

Her eyes softened, her lips trembled, and Mr. Varner nodded without even knowing what he said yes to. Alice flashed me a triumphant smile and danced off, one hand lightly pressed against her head. I rolled my eyes.

Generally, we could all convince humans to do as we pleased. Our bodies were set up that way, to be alluring to all human senses. But getting out of troubling situations was Alice's forte. We all think that some of Jasper's charisma rubbed off onto Alice, but Alice would say that she just has charm. I shook my head; Alice was a typical younger sister in some ways.

The class went by even slower that usual, without Alice to keep me company. My thoughts remained on Bella. I recognized that the more I learned about her, the more I wanted to know. Not knowing the inside of Bella's mind was having consequences that were becoming obsessive.

Truthfully, I was starting to find her personality more alluring than her scent itself. She even had an equal amount of intelligence to match. We complimented each other perfectly.

If I were human, I could very easily see us becoming friends.

But I was not, and there was no point in dwelling on it. I had done my job of making sure she wasn't suspicious, and now I should leave her alone. Not push the limit. Cross the wrong line.

Yet when I saw her running to her car, helpless, almost falling over, I couldn't help but want to pick her up and carry her into her car, just so she wouldn't hurt herself. The more I gazed at her, the more I wanted to protect her, to talk to her, the more I _wanted_…

She turned in her car to look at me…and nearly crashed into the Toyota behind her. I couldn't help laughing. She was really something.

And I had no idea what I was going to do about her.


	2. Chapter 3

I'm terribly sorry that this chapter took forever to write. I kept rediting it, and even now I'm not sure if I like it. It is also significantly longer than Bella's version of Chapter 3.

Once again, thank you for your reviews, if you reviewed.

Also, I don't know if I am supposed to be retyping the disclaimer every single time, so if somebody could tell me, that would be great. Thank you in advance!

And now, Chapter 3: Phenomenon (now edited)

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"What _were_ you laughing about?" Rosalie questioned, her eyes scrutinizing my expression. I turned out of the school parking lot, frowning for the first time since my talk with Bella. I shrugged. Rosalie turned in the front seat, intending to question Alice in the back. She did not believe my answer.

"It's really nothing." I snapped, my bad mood returning. "I thought Emmett had the front seat today?"

Rosalie shook her head. Emmett had given her the seat so that she wouldn't be upset at him for getting her wet. He really did not have to. Despite what he thought, Rosalie was not talented in staying mad at him for long. She loved him too much. But her stubborn anger gave her some much-needed control over Emmett, so I said nothing about it.

"What happened in Biology?" Alice suddenly asked. "With Bella? Less than a week ago you were ready to…harm her. But today it seemed like you were enjoying yourself?" Her thoughts were full of curiosity. I growled, annoyed. Of course she would have been watching me. But I wish she hadn't said anything out loud.

"You were enjoying yourself with a _human_?" Emmett said smirking. I grimaced. I could always count on Emmett to take everything the wrong way. My snarl was more prominent than it should have been, which did nothing but make Emmett's grin grow wider. His teeth were gleaming.

"I did what I had to do," I replied defensively. "She was obviously suspicious of me since her first day at Forks. Now I've given her no reason to think of me in any way but as another student at Forks High School. It was a _necessary_ conversation," I added, emphasizing the necessity. Emmett did not need to know the extent of my…need to listen to Bella's voice.

"If you say so," Emmett said, thankfully not lingering on that topic. He returned to his conversation with Jasper.

"I believe I won our bet, Jasper."

Jasper snorted.

"Hardly. It was an unfair situation. How was I supposed to block a snowball the weight of a minivan, when I was forced to move at human speed?"

"I am quite sure that Edward blocked most of my snowballs easily, _at human speed_," Emmett gloated, triumphant.

"He can also read your mind, in case you had forgotten."

Emmett was stumped. His head turned the other way, mind churning for a rebuttal. I knew that Alice had seen Jasper losing anyways, regardless of the "unfair" situation, but she said nothing. And if Alice wasn't going to say anything, neither was I. They could sort it out at home.

--

I was waiting in my room, listening to music, when I heard Carlisle come home. I was glad to hear that his day in the hospital had not been very tiring. He only had to check up on a few patients, and work with two emergency cases, neither involving blood. Not that it made any difference to Carlisle. He was immune to the scent now, a feat that never failed to amaze me.

I waited in my room for Carlisle to finish talking to Esme, enter his office, and clean up a little bit. He disliked breaking his routine so I politely waited for him to finish. After a minute, I left my room and found myself outside of his door. As a common courtesy, I knocked.

"Come in Edward." Carlisle's voice seemed more subdued than usual.

I walked in at gazed at his face. His face seemed much paler against his now darkened eyes. He would need to hunt soon. Even when Carlisle's eyes darkened, never once did he consider humans as a food source.

"You seem more tired than usual. I thought it was a slow day at the hospital." I murmured. I always spoke to him quietly. His presence commanded a certain respect. His thoughts were more secretive than usual.

It was a slow day at the hospital, but he had been occupied with other matters. Matters that he didn't want to discuss right now, and therefore, kept out of his mind with meticulous care. He wanted to know about my day.

"I wanted to talk to you about…Bella Swan," I began. Questions that I had wanted answered in Biology class came up again. Would Carlisle know the answers?

_What about Bella exactly?_

"Why is her scent so strong to me? Why can't I read her mind? Is it possible that those two ideas related? Why do I find her scent so…" I searched for the right word," …attractive?"

Attractive was the best word I could come up. There were other words I could use to describe her, none of which I would say in front of Carlisle. Luscious. Overwhelming. Mouthwatering. _Mine_. Somehow, I couldn't help feeling that she was made for me, both her scent and her mysterious personality.

Carlisle's thoughts became incoherent as he tried to answer all my questions at once. I suddenly felt guilty; he did not need my problems added to his already stressed mind. I was about to offer to come back at another time, when Carlisle decided to voice his answer. Carlisle sighed.

"This is a very unusual situation, Edward. And something that you have never come across before. Actually, I believe that Emmett has come across a similar situation this during his time as a vampire, but you would have to ask him for more details. I'm afraid that I will need more time to discover why it happened. You are able to handle it for now, correct?"

I nodded, but my heart sank. Of course Carlisle would need time, I reasoned. I could not just leave one day, return a week later, and expect him to have answers to a situation that I had not even fully informed him about. Moreover, his mind was focused on another matter altogether.

"Dad?" I said softly.

Carlisle looked up in surprise.

I rarely used this name, since neither of us was actually related. When I did, it was in concern for Carlisle. It made us seem more like family. Carlisle and Esme were certainly the only parents I could remember. I always called Esme, 'mom'. As if having us as children would make up for the loss of her child in her human life. I wished that calling her mom would alleviate her pain. But there are some pains that just don't fade.

"What is bothering you? You seem tensed?" I questioned. Carlisle sighed and began massaging his forehead with his fingertips. I grew worried. Carlisle was always poised and composed. Something was greatly troubling him.

He stared into my eyes for a long period of time before breaking down the wall in his mind and showing me what was bothering him. It was taking him more effort to keep up the barrier in his mind, anyways. I felt guilty again. If it weren't for my power, he would not have had to use that extra effort in the first place.

Carlisle seemed to see where my thoughts were heading, because he smiled gently. _It's about time you knew anyways, Edward._

I read his thoughts, and frowned. This was not good.

There were more vampires coming. Alice had not seen when they were coming, only that they were going to come. I had not seen Alice's vision because I had been away at the time. Carlisle was attempting to identify the new vampires, using one of Alice's drawings as a visual base. More vampires were not a serious issue if they left after sometime, but these vampires were going to pose a problem.

There were three of them. They drank human blood.

"Carlisle…does everyone know about them coming?" I inquired. By everyone, I meant my family. Carlisle looked up guiltily.

Oh.

I had been the only one still out of the loop.

But even then I could not be angry at Carlisle. He did not tell me what was happening because he wanted to make sure I was okay with my problems first. He was more concerned about my well being that our family's well being. My issue with Bella fell to the back of my mind. I had other things to deal with. My family's troubles came before my own.

"Really though, it should be okay. We are seven and they are three," I spoke, more to myself than anyone else, "we would be stronger against all odds. And we have Emmett and Jasper. They could handle all three of them easily alone. There's no need to worry right now," Carlisle gave me a half smile.

_Enough, Edward. You have enough on your mind right now. And there are many other things you could be doing right now other than worrying about something that might not even happen._

I raised my eyebrows. Since when did I have "many other things" to do? "Such as…?" I joked.

Carlisle pretended to think for a second, before giving a satisfied smile.

_Homework, Edward. You could be doing homework. Have you finished your homework yet?_

I raised my eyebrows. Carlisle shrugged. _Homework_? I nodded and then smirked. Yes, I had finished that. Even if I had not, I could have easily finished it seconds before the teacher decided to collect it. Carlisle knew that. His attempt to calm the atmosphere worked. I left smiling.

Late at night, despite my promise to focus on my family instead, I found myself thinking about Bella. Her smile, her frustration, her clumsiness, and lastly, her eyes. I could clearly remember her mysterious chocolate brown eyes. I found myself gazing at her eyes in my mind like I was in a trance. Hypnotized.

Alice's thoughts broke through my trance. _Edward? Do you want to come hunting with Rosalie and me? I know you just went, but if it helped your situation with Bella…_ I thought about it for a moment, and then spoke 'no' softly, knowing Alice would hear me. Last time I hunted, it had made no difference in my thirsty emotions around Bella. The same amount of venom flowed. The monster still wanted her as badly as it had wanted her that first day, though I liked to believe that I had a bit more control over the situation. Hunting would make little difference for that strong of a scent.

I went down to play the piano, hoping it would distract me from my thoughts about Bella. She was the last person I wanted to think about right now. I planned on playing Esme's favorite. That always pushed out unwanted thoughts. But when I played, it was something new, more melodious and lighthearted, yet still deep and meaningful. I let my mind float away with the music.

--

I drove to school the next day in a silent car. Even my family's thoughts were subdued. It had snowed that night and a layer of snow and ice covered the ground. My car could easily handle the ice, and I drove at the same speed that I always drove at. I was worried about Bella's car. It was old and probably would skid easily on the ice. More than my concern for Bella's car was Bella herself. I could imagine her falling several times during the day. I hoped that no blood would be spilled. I was sure I didn't have _that_ level of control yet.

I parked in our usual spot. No matter how late we came, not that we ever came late, our spot was never taken. Though we were comparatively new to the school, people already understood that it was not smart to cross us. They thought that giving us our own spot would make a difference. They only thing that would make a difference was if they all suddenly stopped smelling edible, human like. And that would just be abnormal.

As I got out of the car, I saw Bella park her truck four cars down from mine. It seemed safe enough. I looked carefully at the tires from where I was standing and noticed that there were snow chains on the tires. I found myself grateful that someone felt the need to put those on Bella's car. The instant I thought that, I was questioning my feelings. Bella's question in Biology came back. _Why did it matter to me?_

Alice's head instantly jerked towards the front of the parking lot, and my eyes instantly followed hers.

Tyler Crowley's van hit the ice the wrong way and began to skid. There was going to be an accident today. Jasper stiffened beside me and slowly backed away into the background before sprinting off. He did not want to be here incase blood was spilled somewhere along the way. I looked more closely at what was happening and suddenly I was horrified. The van was heading towards Bella's truck. Right where Bella was standing.

Bella was going to be crushed.

She looked and up and gazed at my horrified face, but didn't move. Any hope her saving herself was gone. She was now staring ahead at Tyler's van, in shock.

Bella would be gone forever, the weight of the car killing her. Her face would be white. Her lips cold. Her deep brown eyes, dead, flat. No intelligence behind those eyes, no kindness left. Her scent would no longer be there to make a mess of my life and yet…I could not let her go.

_No, not her_.

"Edward!" Alice hissed, but it was too late. I had already made my decision.

Seconds before the accident, I acted. I ran to her and pulled her away from the truck, ramming her into the ground, and pinning her there. The van was still moving towards Bella, still out of control. Bella was still in danger.

"Nothing is going to happen to you. I will keep you safe," I muttered, knowing she wouldn't be able to hear me, but still hoping she was comforted by my words. I held her to my body, turned my back to the van and braced its force as it rammed into me instead. The van stopped moving, but one end of it was still in the air, ready to land on Bella's legs.

Working quickly, I swung her legs around until they were out of harm's way and watched the van fall right where Bella's legs had been a moment ago. Still holding her to me, I turned to look at her. Her eyes were wide open, and her face had not moved since she had seen the van coming towards her. I was terrified again. Had she gone into shock? Was she…

"Bella? Are you all right?" I asked frantically. Why wasn't she speaking? Did she get a concussion? I couldn't even look into her mind to see what she was thinking. She should be at the hospital right now. Yet I did not want move her until I heard her speak. Until I confirmed that she was…

"I'm fine," she said, coming out of her shocked daze. She tried to sit up. I realized that I was still holding her to me. Her warmth touched my skin and sent a jolt up my spine. I was not ready to let go of her yet. The monster growled appreciatively at her scent. I gritted my teeth and kept myself in check.

"Be careful, " I warned as she struggled to get up again, "I think you hit your head pretty hard." She was still gazing at me, confused. She tried to move again.

"Ow," she murmured, surprised. She pressed her hand to the side of her head. I sighed in relief. She was alive. She was going to be okay.

"That's what I thought," I said trying to make the situation more serious without my excessive happiness leaking into it. She finally had a normal reaction to the entire situation, even if it came a little late. I grinned.

"How in the…" she trailed off, still in thought. I leaned in closer, listening. "How did you get over here so fast?" My happiness ebbed away. I realized how tightly I was holding her and I let her go, slowly edging away from her. As I moved away, the monster became angry, but I ignored it. I cursed her under my breath for being so perceptive.

"I was standing right next to you, Bella," I said seriously, sounding innocent. I looked straight into her eyes, hoping to convey the message that she was clearly the confused one.

Right then, a crowd of people walked over to us. The entire school was in commotion, assessing the accident

"Don't move."

"Get Tyler out of the van!"

_Oh God! I hope the school doesn't get sued!_

Bella made a motion to move and I pulled her back down. It was best that she left the school to do whatever it normally did in times like this.

"Just stay put for now," I told her.

"But it's cold," she complained. I chuckled. Of course it was cold. It had been snowing outside, and my body temperature wasn't helping either. Knowing her, she would probably make a comment about how my skin was much colder than the snow itself. That put me on edge.

"You were over there," she said suddenly, stopping my chuckle. "You were by your car." My face hardened. I had to be more convincing about my story, but I couldn't get my eyes to soften enough to look unsuspicious.

"No, I wasn't."

"I saw you," she said stubbornly. She was not going to give up on her argument. I was becoming frustrated.

"Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way." I fixed my eyes on her, hoping that she would forget what she was thinking about. Hoping that she knew that this was not something I was going to tell her. Hoping that she would understand.

"No," she said firmly.

"Please, Bella," I pleaded, my voice softening with urgency. I needed her to believe me. If she didn't believe me and thought that I had run at inhuman speed towards her, then the effect of that would be disastrous. We would have to leave. But I knew that if we left right after the rumor was spread, it would only confirm what she speculated.

This time if we left, we would never be able to come back.

"Why?" she demanded. I couldn't even give her a good reason why. Why _should_ she keep it a secret? On her first day of school, I hadn't exactly made a good impression. She probably still remembered that.

_Probably_. I hated that word. I did not want to guess what was going through her head; I wanted _to know_ what was going through her head. If I knew what exactly was running through her head, I would be able to counterattack it. I fought to keep the frustration out of my voice.

"Trust me," I implored again, making one last effort. _Please please please understand_, I thought. It was all suddenly hitting me, the great consequence of saving Bella's life. I heard sirens in the distance. The police were coming. Bella's father was going to be here any moment.

"Will you promise to explain everything to me later?" Bella spoke, wanting to compromise.

I couldn't believe it. She wanted me to _explain_ to her why I could do what I could do. She wanted me to _explain_ to her how I had saved her life. Why couldn't she just accept that I had saved her life and take it for how I said it was? She was so stubborn and I had no idea how to deal with it. At least with Rosalie's stubbornness I could look into her mind and see how to work with it, but I couldn't even do _that_ with Bella. I couldn't believe what kind of situation I had put my family and myself into. I was appalled.

"Fine," I snapped, exasperated, not meaning it at all.

"Fine," she snapped back at me and turned away. I did not even bother to ask her if she was feeling any better.

Two teachers and six EMTs had moved the van away and now we were in open view. The ambulance had brought stretchers to us, and I stood up and took a step away from Bella.

"Son," the doctor spoke to me as I was getting up, "I think you should be in a stretcher. As a part of this car accident, you could have been hurt." He was the authority figure here, and I turned to speak with him.

"No, I don't believe that will be necessary," I snapped abruptly, my anger coming out on him. He took an instant step back, his unconscious side recognizing danger. He didn't tell me to go on the stretcher again. I tried to sound concerned instead.

"I only pulled the girl out of the way, I didn't actually get hurt. But Bella on the other hand…" I looked back at her, and as I did, she slipped on the ice and fell over again. I sighed. "She might have gotten a concussion. I think she should go to the hospital." The doctor continued to stare. I tried again.

"I believe Bella could possibly have a concussion, and that she should be at the hospital _right now_," I enunciated slowly for him. He finally nodded. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at him. Bella was put on a stretcher with a neck brace and carried into the ambulance. She glared at me from the stretcher. I looked away from her.

I was certain that I had a better medical education than the doctor in the ambulance, so I had taken it into my own hands to examine Bella. It looked like she was okay, but I still wanted Carlisle to look at her. Either ways, it was better to have Bella carried to a hospital than have her attempt to walk on the ice again. And if I went to the hospital with Bella, I would get a chance to talk to Carlisle.

The doctor turned to me. "Son," he said nervously, "what is your name?"

"Edward Cullen," I replied, preoccupied. Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett had moved from their spot for the first time since I had ran to save Bella. Rosalie was furious, close to snarling. _What were you thinking?? Were you even thinking??_ Her thoughts snapped at me. A few students backed away from her, having never seen this side of Rosalie Hale before.

Restraining her was Emmett, looking thoroughly disappointed at my actions, and at the same time not breathing in the scent of Tyler's blood. Alice, in contrast to her previous mood, was oddly exuberant, She did not want to tell me about what she saw until I got home. They would all want an explanation later.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen's son?" the doctor asked. _No wonder he was so calm about everything. His father must have told him how to deal with emergency situations_…

"Yes," I said, returning my full attention to the doctor, "I was wondering if I could ride with you to the hospital. I know I wasn't hurt, but I'm sure that my father will want to see me anyways…" I released the full intensity of my eyes on him, and he nodded. My family did not look happy at all.

I would need to come up with a better explanation than what had been going through my mind at that time: _Not her_.

--

We reached the hospital with police escort. Charlie Swan was so worried about Bella that he could barely breathe. I remembered what Alice had told me on Bella's first day of school. Bella was Chief Swan's daughter. His _only_ family. I could use that as reasoning to support my actions. _Alice would know though_, I thought, _that my saving Bella had nothing to do with Charlie_.

I walked into the hospital with the other doctor following behind me. The EMTs took Bella and Tyler into the emergency room. Tyler was covered in minor cuts, and I disregarded the excess venom that was flowing into my mouth. The scent of Tyler's blood from his open wounds was still nowhere nearly as strong as the smell of Bella's blood.

I glanced at Bella and she glared back at me. She still looked angry. Was she angry because I still hadn't given her an explanation? I couldn't be sure, but it looked like she was angrier at the fact that she was in a hospital in a neck brace. She even glared at the EMT that took her into the emergency room.

I continued further into the hospital to find Carlisle, but the doctor from the scene of the accident insisted on taking me to see my father himself. He thought that I would get easily lost in the hospital. I scoffed and rolled my eyes, but said nothing. As he walked ahead of me, I realized that his real reason for taking me to Carlisle himself was to provide an explanation as to why I wasn't in a stretcher like Bella and Tyler.

The doctor walked past the room that Carlisle was in twice, thinking he was somewhere else. I followed him for sometime, pretending ignorance, until I finally lost my patience. By the third time we walked past the room that Carlisle was actually in, I politely, but firmly asked the doctor to check if he was in there. The doctor didn't think he was, but checked anyways because of my insistence. And what a surprise, I thought sarcastically, Carlisle was actually in there.

The doctor told me to wait in the entrance of the room while he went to talk to Carlisle. Carlisle had already turned around, sensing my presence in the room. Carlisle looked from me to the other doctor, confused.

The doctor pulled Carlisle aside, and spoke in a low whisper that was perfectly clear to me.

"Dr. Cullen, there was a car accident at Forks High School. A van skidded across the ice and nearly ran into a student in the parking lot. The student in the van, Tyler Crowley, was injured, and the other student, Isabella Swan, probably would have been killed in the crash if it were not for your son pulling her away from the van in time. Both Mr. Crowley and Ms. Swan are currently in the emergency room." Hearing the name Isabella Swan, Carlisle looked up at me, comprehension lighting his eyes.

"I tried to get your son to sit in a stretcher so we could do a quick check up of him in the ambulance, but he insisted that he was okay. I didn't see any injuries on him, otherwise I would have forced him onto a stretcher. If you still want, I can do a more formal check up…" Carlisle interrupted his explanation.

"Thank you very much for your concern for my son, " Carlisle's voice filled with sincerity, "but I will look at him personally in just a moment. Did you arrive in time to see my son pull Ms. Swan out of the way?" He sounded very casual when asking this, but I understood the underlying meaning behind the question. The doctor clearly didn't, but he answered anyways.

"No. We were not called until after the van had actually stopped moving. In fact, I don't believe anyone saw your son pull her out of the way. But that of course is very reasonable, seeing as the van was blocking everyone's view of the accident, except for Ms. Swan's. He was right next to her when we found them, and he says that he pulled her out of the way."

"Hmm," Carlisle said, deep in though. The other doctor looked at Carlisle in earnest. After a moment, Carlisle spoke.

"Can you finish checking up this patient? I would like to examine my son, if that is okay with you?" The other doctor nodded. He was relieved that Fork's top doctor was not reprimanding him for not putting his son in a stretcher. Carlisle motioned me to follow him, and he led me to an empty room. I recognized it as the same room where I had told Carlisle that I was leaving because of Bella.

Now I was going to tell him why I saved her.

I had planned to tell Carlisle the truth. I was going to tell him that I had saved Bella because I could not bear to see her dead, that she intrigued me to the point where I would risk everything to keep her safe. Yet when the time came to give Carlisle an explanation, I could not meet his eyes. I was ashamed at myself. How could I tell him that I had selfishly acted to save what I wanted instead considering how that would affect our family's appearance? Carlisle spoke to me instead.

"No one seemed to have found anything unusual about you pulling Bella away from the car. We could still be safe." I shook my head. I knew the truth.

"She knows," I choked out, unable to control the shame that I felt, "Bella knows that I was too far away to save her in time, but I somehow did anyways. She saw me lift a van off of her. She even knows that my eyes change color! She suspects me, and she's right. Carlisle…I don't know what I was thinking…" I couldn't believe what I had done. Esme loved this quaint little town of Forks, and now we would have to leave. How could I have been so selfish?

"Hush," Carlisle murmured, slightly shocked that I was breaking down this way, "Edward, son, I'm glad that you saved her life. I'm glad that you wanted to protect her. It shows your kindness. You didn't succumb to the life that was…forced upon you," Carlisle looked away guiltily, but continued talking. "You rose above it. You showed that you could be just as human as all the humans around you." Carlisle stopped talking all of sudden. He faced the front of the hospital, where the emergency room was, listening. I turned to listen too.

"How did you get out of the way so fast? You were there, and then you were gone…" I heard Tyler question Bella. I held my breath, listening intently to Bella's answer.

"Umm…Edward pulled me out of the way," Bella replied. My mouth nearly fell open in astonishment. She decided to keep our secret? She was willing to lie without knowing why? She was more understanding than I gave her credit for.

"Who?" Tyler asked confused, although his thoughts instantly made a connection to my sister, Rosalie. Outwardly, he was trying to pretend he didn't remember my family at all. Pretending that we were not good enough to be remembered by him. That was fine with me. It didn't matter whether Tyler liked me or not.

"Edward Cullen – he was standing next to me," Bella answered, with effort. It sounded very much like she didn't believe a single word she was saying. But she was still saying it. My lips turned up slightly.

"Cullen? I didn't see him…wow, it was all so fast, I guess. Is he okay?" I smirked. Tyler wasn't actually concerned about me, that much I could tell from his thoughts. He wanted to see Bella's reaction.

"I think so. He's here somewhere, but they didn't make him use a stretcher," she said, the irritation evident in her voice. I now even understood why she was so upset. She was upset because I got to saunter in the hospital without notice and she was on the stretcher, not because she wanted an explanation. I was now grinning widely. Maybe we wouldn't have to leave after all. Carlisle turned to me and with raised eyebrows.

"It looks like someone guessed their fate too early."

"I don't understand why she is keeping this a secret."

"I'm sure there are many things you don't understand about Bella. But right now she's awake, and alive. Go talk to her." Carlisle broke out into a grin. "And I will finally get to meet the girl who has completely entranced my son."

I rolled my eyes, but did not bother to deny it. Bella was entrancing. I was attracted to her scent, her eyes, and…_her_. Carlisle had known this even before I had. I could freely admit this to myself, now knowing that she wouldn't reveal my secret. I truly did like her for who she was.

I could now talk about the accident without the shame overwhelming me. I told Carlisle that Bella had hit her head fairly hard, but other than that, she was okay. I also told him that Bella was desperate to leave the hospital. He said he would come as soon as possible. As I left to go see Bella, I heard Carlisle chuckle quietly.

When I walked the emergency room, Bella had her eyes closed, but her heartbeat suggested that she wasn't sleeping. I wondered what she was thinking. Finally giving into the idea that I was never going to see her mind, I focused on Tyler's thoughts instead. He had thrown nonstop apologies at Bella hoping that she would forgive him and begin to like him. As I walked in, he decide that, to better his impression in Bella's eyes, he was going to begin another session of apologies, focused on me. Before a word left his mouth, I spoke.

"Is she sleeping?" I questioned Tyler, knowing the answer. Bella's eyes instantly flew open. She looked at me and glared. Even then, her eyes had depth. I gazed into them, in wonder.

In the moment that I did not speak, Tyler began to apologize.

"Hey, Edward, I'm really sorry – "

"No blood, no foul," I smiled at him. No blood coming from Bella at least. I sat on the edge of Tyler's bed facing Bella. She had torn off her neck brace in frustration and there was evidence of several medical tests lying around her. Clearly she had wanted to be examined by a doctor as much as I had wanted to be. I smiled.

"So, what's the verdict?" I asked.

"There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go," she complained. "How come you aren't strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?"

"It's all about who you know," I replied. _Or how convincing you can be_. I heard Carlisle's footsteps down the hallway. I got up from Bella's bed. "But don't worry, I came to spring you." A moment later, Carlisle came in, scrutinizing Bella.

"So, Miss Swan, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she said, somewhat frustrated by the question.

Carlisle looked at her x-rays, which appeared to be okay. Remembering what I had told him about Bella's injuries, he examined her head. He pulled away when she winced.

"Tender?"

"Not really." I chuckled at that. She had probably hit her head so many times in her life that it was completely numb towards pain.

"Well, your father is in the waiting room – you can go home with him now. But come back if you fell dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all."

"Can't I go back to school?" Bella asked. Carlisle's eyes turned infinitesimally towards mine and I shook my head slightly. Bella would fall on the ice again and break a bone.

"Maybe you should take it easy today."

"Does _he_ get to go to school?" She glanced at me again. She was constantly trying to compare her physical health to mine. Little did she know that she was so much more breakable than me, I thought smugly.

"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," I replied.

"Actually," Carlisle said, "most of the school seems to be in the waiting room." She moaned and her head fell in her hands. I laughed at the irony. The person who wanted the least amount of attention in this school ended up getting the most.

"Do you want to stay?" Carlisle said, raising his eyebrows, humor in his eyes.

"No, no!" she insisted, throwing her legs over the edge of the bed. Carlisle caught her before she fell over again. He wasn't sure if she should leave anymore. I smirked. I would have to tell Carlisle that this was normal for Bella.

"Take some Tylenol for the pain, " Carlisle said, still concerned.

"It doesn't hurt that bad," Bella continued to insist.

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky today," Carlisle said, without thinking.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me," Bella said, with heavy implications. My smirk disappeared and I quickly turned to leave. I heard Carlisle reply something hastily in the background.

"Oh, well, yes," and he turned to look at Tyler instead. I turned to find Bella right next to me.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" she hissed, under her breath. Carlisle froze for a moment, and then continued to work like he heard nothing. My jaw clenched. I would do anything to avoid this conversation.

"Your father is waiting for you," I said, barely controlling my temper. Bella turned to look at Carlisle and Tyler. Neither acted like they heard us.

"I'd like to speak to you alone, if you don't mind," she pressed. I glared and turned away, walking down the corridor. I could not avoid this conversation.

She could never have understood my situation, and I mentally slapped myself for believing that she would. I suddenly realized that she was only lying to Tyler for me because she thought she was going to get a better explanation later. My hopes that she would keep our secret without knowing the truth were shot down. She was just like any other curious human, I thought severely, wanting the answers to everything. I was infuriated.

Not at her, but at myself. How could I have been such a fool?

"What do you want?" I snapped coldly. She paused for a second, before continuing

"You owe me an explanation," she reminded me.

As if I needed reminding of what I had said before!

"I saved your life – I don't owe you anything." I said, suddenly resenting the way her eyes and scent were alluring me against my will.

No. It would be senseless to lie to myself.

I resented that, despite her unique mind and scent, she was just the same as _them_. The pain of that idea stung me deeply.

My pain was easily channeled into anger.

She flinched at my anger, but was undeterred.

"You promised."

"Bella, you hit your head, you don't know what you're talking about," I snapped. I was forced to go back to my old tactics. I was no longer trying to convince her to not tell my secret.

I was telling her that there was no secret.

"There's nothing wrong with my head," Bella said, furious.

"What do you want from me, Bella?" Wasn't it enough that I saved _her_ life? Did I have to give up _my_ way of life in return?

"I want to know the truth. I want to know why I'm lying for you."

"What do you _think_ happened?" I snapped. Because whatever she thought happened, I was going to prove wrong.

"All I know is that you weren't anywhere near me – Tyler didn't see you, either, so don't tell me I hit my head too hard. That van was going to crush us both – and it didn't, and your hands left dents in the side of it – and you left a dent in the other car, and you're not hurt at all – and the van should have smashed my legs, but you were holding it up…" she spoke, her words jumbling together.

She had noticed a lot more than I had expected. Still, that was fine. I would work part by part, invalidating everything she said. She looked ready to cry. _Good_, I thought angrily, _it will be easier to break her down and convince her that I'm right_. I ignored torrent of sympathetic emotions running through me. I told myself that Bella was no longer worth my sympathy.

"You think I lifted a van off you?" I was sure that my voice sounded like it was questioning her sanity. It was not hard to act the part.

She nodded. She still believed exactly what she saw. It was hopeless.

"Nobody will believe that, you know," I said scornfully. If I could at least convince her to not tell anyone, my family could leave without trouble…

"I'm not going to tell anybody," she said gritting her teeth.

My angry schemes stopped in my mind. What? She was going to _keep_ our secret to _herself_? I was sure that I hadn't _actually_ convinced her to keep the secret. It was like this was her plan all along, and she was tormenting me for no apparent reason.

"Then why does it matter?" I asked, still shocked.

"It matters to me," she insisted. "I don't like to lie – so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it."

"Can't you just thank me and get over it?" I snapped. Most people I knew were actually _happy_ when their lives were saved.

"Thank you," she said, still waiting. So she still thought she was going to get an answer, did she? She was in for a rude awakening.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?"

"No." I knew it.

"In that case…I hope you enjoy disappointment."

We continued to gaze at each other, scowling. I wanted to penetrate her mind to see if she was telling the truth. I wasn't so certain that she would keep my secret; she might have just said that to get an explanation out of me.

And yet, I couldn't find it in me to lie to her. _I should have done that_, I thought aggravated, ignoring the fact that I would never have been able to think of a plausible story. _Not only did this human girl have the power to ruin my existence, but also my family's existence_. Then why couldn't I do it?

"Why did you even bother?" she asked frigidly.

"I don't know," I whispered, still deep in thought. I turned away from her and walked away. I didn't know anymore. It scared me not to know why I did the things I did. Never had I felt less in control of a situation. I remembered the exact words I was thinking at the time, but I could not make any sense of what they meant. I sat down in the middle of the hallway and pressed my fingers to the bridge of my nose. I needed to think.

It did not take long to figure out the truth behind this mess.

I was appalled at what situation I had put my family in, but I did not regret what I did. If I were put in the same situation, with all the same conditions, I would have done the same thing all over again. She was just as important to me as she had been before. The same emotions that I had uncovered earlier in the day still rang true.

But I now understood the difference.

The difference was that _I_ was not as important to _her_ as she was to me. It was why I was willing to save her life and risk everything, but she could not trust me. It was why I was so hurt and angry.

And this made all the difference in the world.

I got up and walked out of the door without anyone noticing. They were all waiting for Bella, not for me. I had to go home and tell my family the outcome.

I would now do what was best for my family, not for _her_.

--

They were all waiting in dining room, in the one room we never used.

Until now.

They all sat in together in pairs. Alice and Jasper on one end. Rosalie and Emmett on another. Carlisle and Esme on the third end of the table. I had an entire end of the table to myself. I sat down and let out a sigh.

I felt out of place. Like a third wheel.

I had always known that I was the odd man out. I knew that secretly Esme and Carlisle were hoping that I would find someone, so that I would be less lonesome. I knew that every time Emmett joked about me being alone all the time, there was an underlying seriousness to it. And despite this constant knowledge, it hit me harder now more than it ever had.

They all gazed at me, emotions ranging from fury to sympathy. They were waiting. I sighed. I might as well get it over with.

I told them how I had saved Bella, conveniently not mentioning why. I told them what Bella had seen me do, what she had noticed earlier that week. I replayed the entire conversation, word by word, of what she said in the hallway. I caught myself emphasizing Bella's promise to keep my secret and stopped myself.

I would tell the story the way I heard it, not the way I wanted it to sound.

"Bella says that she will not tell anyone, but I do not know if she meant it. Will we stay and hope she keeps her word, or will we leave? We have to make a decision today." I concluded. Jasper spoke immediately after I finished.

"Isn't it blatantly obvious what should be done?" He gazed at me, like it was my job to fix the problem. Realizing what he meant, I snarled.

He wanted me to fix the problem by _killing_ off Bella.

"No!"

"Why not Edward? If she is the problem, then why not eliminate her? If she were removed from the situation, there would be no risk of exposure, no need to leave. You could even do it Edward. You have wanted to taste her blood since the day you met her. Now you have a reason to." Carlisle winced, but said nothing. I glared at Alice for giving Jasper this knowledge, and she shrugged.

Great. Right in front of me was yet _another_ to reason to kill Bella. As if I needed another reason! I had agreed to do what was best for my family, but this was overbearingly extreme. _Kill _Bella. The mere idea of it sent shivers down my spine. It felt like part of me had died.

"No!" I hissed, furious. I turned to the rest of my family, my fury growing. Why wasn't anybody contradicting Jasper? Why wasn't Carlisle saying that the idea was preposterous, that it was inhumane, that it shouldn't be done? Why wasn't Esme scolding Jasper for not thinking of Bella as a person, not something that could easily be killed? _Why wasn't anyone saying anything?_

Emmett spoke up quietly, more serious than he had even been.

"Edward, what Jasper is saying makes perfect sense. Why not just take Bella out of the picture? You even said it yourself; she was just a human, just someone to be delt with. Why not deal with her this way? Think of the positives of the situation. You wouldn't be constantly tormented by her scent, and she would have a quick easy death rather than you losing control one day. It is what's best for everyone." I had begun shaking my head before he had even started talking. There were no positives to killing Bella. I would rather be tormented by her scent for the rest of my life than see her cold and dead, knowing I had caused it.

"Emmett," I gritted my teeth, trying to suppress the urge to smash something, "That's not going to work."

Rosalie had had enough of this argument.

"_Why_ Edward? Why isn't it going to work?" she sneered. "You haven't even told us _why_ you saved her, let alone why you think she should still be alive! What is wrong with your reasoning? You _used_ to make sense Edward! But ever since you met _Bella_, you have ignored the interests of this family completely! _What is going on in your head?_"

Her words hit home. She had said bluntly what everyone in my family was thinking. Esme had intended to scold Rosalie for her harsh words, but I stopped her. I was finally done thinking of a solution. I finally had a real reason that would make sense to them. I raised my head and looked into their curious eyes.

"Do you know what would have happened if I had let Bella die in that car crash?" I said, my voice low, deadly, daring anyone to interrupt me. All eyes were on me. Rosalie looked at me smugly, waiting to hear what possible explanation I could have come up with.

"If I had let that car hit Bella, do you have any idea how much _blood_ would have spilled out of her? How much stronger the scent of her blood would have become, not just for me but for all of us? Not even you, Rosalie, would have been able to resist that type of temptation, " Rosalie started to interrupt, but I gave her a look that silenced her. She was looking back at me with a different expression. A rare expression on Rosalie. It was fear.

"And I know for a fact that I would have drank her blood if it spilled," I said, now staring down Carlisle, angry that he had not openly sided with me, "no, not drank her blood, _devoured_ it, _thirsted_ off of it, not stopped until I had taken in _every last drop_. I would have _killed_ anyone who came in my way of having her blood to myself," I snarled, sounding like the vampire I was. Esme and Carlisle were now both horrified. I continued, my tone terrible and harsh.

"And imagine what an entire body of students would do if they saw one of their very own classmates _drinking_ the blood of another. According to Jasper's method, we would have had to kill every single student in Forks High School," I spoke with such resentment and sarcasm to Jasper's idea that he glared at me, offended.

"And after killing every single student at Forks High School, what was going to happen? Did you think that we were going to get away with _that_ without any notice? We would be so publicized that _more_ vampires would be forced to become involved…" I trailed off, watching the muscles in Carlisle's arm clench and unclench slowly.

"But I don't want to be that person," I said more softly this time, "I didn't want to be the person that would ruin this life for our family, not in that way. Do you still think I should have left Bella to die?"

Nobody had the courage to reply to me. Esme looked so anguished that I wanted to take back everything I had said just to take that look off of her face. I knew that this was not the initial reason that I had saved Bella, but this reason was just as true.

"Edward," Alice said weakly, "It might not have happened that way…"

"How can you say that Alice?" I lashed out heatedly, "You _saw_ what I was going to do to Bella. I know that you saw me drinking her blood!"

Alice, who was normally strong in arguments, turned away disheartened. Jasper was furious. He was nearly as angry as I was.

"That's fine. Now we understand why you couldn't kill her _then_," he snapped, "But why can't you kill her now?" At the prospect of killing Bella, I snarled and rose to my feet, breaking the chair in the process. Jasper snarled in return and crouched. Both of us were ready to fight. It would be a deadly fight. He would fight to any extent for Alice.

Just as I was willing to do the same for Bella.

"Enough!" Carlisle suddenly snapped. His voice had become louder and harsher than we had ever heard it and we were shocked into silence. He looked at each and every one of us carefully before speaking again. Jasper was finally able to calm down enough to calm my emotions too. I was ready to listen to Carlisle rationally.

He first turned to Alice. "Alice, do you see Bella revealing anything about us in the near future?"

"No," she said and then added hurriedly, "And I'm glad. I do not want Bella to die either." Jasper's head jerked in her direction, incredulous. I suddenly felt guilty for lashing out it her like I had. She had only wished that things had not turned out this way. Carlisle nodded and continued.

"Even though I have heard both sides of the argument rationally, in my mind, I agree with Edward. Bella should not be killed for a fault that she could do nothing to prevent." He then turned to Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper. "But I also understand what you are saying. Removing Bella from the picture now would be the easiest option, the one that would fit our situation the best. Though it is the easiest option, I do not believe that it makes it the right option."

"In the end, however, I feel that this is Edward's decision and his alone. He made the decision to save Bella, and now he will decide what to do about it. Edward, you must now decide what would be best for all of us."

I looked around at my family. Jasper was hurt that Alice had chosen to side with me, against him. Carlisle was forced to raise his voice at us for the first time ever since I had met him. Esme was still looking anguished at how close her two sons had come to turning against each other.

What had I done to our family?

I knew what I would do.

"I am not going to kill her," I began, "I am not going to give into _that_ desire, now that I've already decided to overcome it." Rosalie looked furious, but I continued.

"I will, however, ignore her for the remainder of her stay in Forks. Or the remainder of our stay at Forks, if she decides to reveal our secret. I won't let her come between us as a family anymore," I said, looking around at every single one of my family members, not bothering to hide my unhappiness. Rosalie was now troubled. Despite her anger, she had not wanted me to get hurt by my own decision. My eyes rested on Esme. She had only wanted what would make me stay, nothing else. I had put her through pain, _again_, for nothing. I was certain that my guilt would pull me under.

"And this is what I have decided to do, what I feel is best for everyone. I am sorry that this got out of hand," I looked at Jasper, and he nodded in my direction. "I am sorry that I said what I did, even though it was true. I am truly very sorry. For everything."

Suddenly I felt like I was suffocating, unable to breathe. I got up and left the dining room, running to my room. Why was I suffocating when I didn't need to breathe in the first place? I sat down on the couch in my room, closed my eyes, and took long deep breaths. I needed a distraction. I did not want to think about the decision I had just made.

I abruptly remembered that, earlier that day right after I had saved Bella, Alice had been exuberant about something. I called Alice softly and she came up to my room. Still keeping my eyes closed, I asked Alice what she had been so happy about.

"Oh, it was nothing," she shrugged dismissively; I raised my eyebrows and looked at her thoughts instead. They were suggesting the same general idea.

"Besides," she said unhappily, "that future disappeared right after you had made your decision tonight. It would have been good for you, you know." I stared at her, still confused. Her thoughts refused to reveal anything.

"What would have been good for me?"

"It's nothing, really. Besides," she said, now smiling, "I remember someone smart once saying that it was important to not dwell on the things you couldn't get anyways." I smiled back at her.

"Alice, about tonight…"

"It's alright. You're forgiven," she said, predicting what I was going to say.

We smiled at each other for a moment, two freaks among freaks, before she left my room. I suddenly found that I could breathe again. Not completely normal breathing, but enough to get me by.

I heard Esme knock on my door and ask to come in. She was concerned at my still closed eyes and slightly tensed position. I finally opened my eyes, and saw her sweet motherly eyes look back at me. I was filled with remorse again.

"Mom…" She cut me off almost instantly.

"Edward, I just wanted to ask one thing. If Bella's blood was not as tempting to you as it is now, if Bella's blood had spilled, and you could have remained hidden without drinking it, would you have saved her life anyways?"

In my mind, I saw Bella's eyes, her smile, and heard her sarcastic laugh. I felt a part of my chest clench, knowing that I would not be able to look at her in this way anymore. _At least you know that she won't be hurt by your decision, that she doesn't care enough to be hurt_. That only made my chest clench tighter. I had known the answer to Esme's question the moment she had asked it.

"Yes," I replied simply.

"That's all I needed to hear," she said. She kissed my forehead before leaving my room. I was left alone to my own thoughts.

I had made my decision.

What would Bella decide to do?


	3. Chapter 4

Okay...this is the only new thing. I am REALLY busy right now, so I have taken a break on the story. Sorry! Will get back to you ASAP!

Yes, I am quite sorry for the slowness of my work. There are parts I liked, parts I hated. Tell me what you think.

Chapter 4: Invitations (now edited)

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This was absurd. Absolutely preposterous. Did every single person in this school _need_ to know what happened in the car accident yesterday? Every single little detail? The human trait of curiosity was making my job much harder than it should have been.

If I could look into Bella's mind, this task would be no trouble at all. It would be absurdly easy to keep tabs on Bella's mind to see if she had told anyone, or if she was planning on telling anyone. If she had been thinking about telling anyone, I could have even stopped her.

But such was not the case. Because I could not, in fact, see into Bella's mind, I had to resort to reading the mind of every single person she talked to. This irked me to no end. I had to stoop to a level where I had to read the uncreative minds of Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton just because I could not bring myself to talk to Bella.

_Mike Newton_, I thought nastily. _If only Bella knew what was going through his mind…_But she wouldn't. Because I would not become involved. The pain of my decision still stung, but I was going to stick with it. Getting involved with Bella now would be too dangerous.

Alice slipped into the lunchroom and gracefully glided into the lunch line. Nobody noticed her entrance except our family. The two boys before Alice in the lunch line were still discussing the most popular topic of the day. The car accident. I searched their minds and found no suspicion of me in there.

Bella had kept her word. She hadn't even considered telling the truth. I had watched her worriedly the first time she told Jessica what happened, and the urge to tell the truth was not even present on her face. Her eyes showed no conflicted emotion as she easily told Jessica that I had been next to her all along and had pulled her out of the way in time. I had nearly grinned at her improved ability to lie.

I longed to ask Bella why she kept my secret. Or even better, I longed to look into her mind to find out the reasoning behind it. At times, I found myself wishing that she had at least considered telling our secret. It would give me a legitimate reason to dislike and ignore her. It was going to be hard to ignore Bella when I was eternally grateful to her.

Alice leaned over one of the boys in front of her to get a piece of apple pie. The boy jerked around, alarmed, until a small breeze blew a whiff of Alice's scent in his direction. Thrown completely off guard by her alluring vampire smell, he stood gawking at her as she walked past him to pay for her food. His thoughts instantly flew from whatever insignificant matter he was thinking about to Alice. He forgot how nervous our family's elusiveness made him feel. He forgot about the girl he was going to ask out. His thoughts were only filled with images of running his hands through Alice's short hair, kissing her lips, and doing other unspeakable things with Alice.

I growled protectively. No one was allowed to have thoughts like that about my youngest sister except Jasper. The boy who was still gawking couldn't hear me, but Alice instantly turned to stare at me. I lightly nudged my head towards the gawking boy, and Alice rolled her eyes. Her thoughts were elsewhere. _Edward, you better hope Jasper didn't hear you…You know how he gets about these things. It's really not a big deal but…_

It was too late for that. Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie, hearing me growl, turned to stare at the source of it. Jasper took one look at the boy, who had now managed to close his mouth, and clenched his fist, his face twisting into a snarl. He could feel the lust rolling off of the boy, and knew exactly where it was coming from. If things went his way, the boy would be brutally beaten to death for the sake of Alice's honor. Jasper was always the Southern gentleman.

Emmett couldn't hear exactly what Jasper was thinking, but knew the gist of his thoughts. Jasper's face was a dead give away, for Emmett's heightened vision. He smirked, thinking about an after-school brawl.

"You know Jasper," he murmured quickly, "If you want a fight, it can be arranged. I've always wanted to try human fighting as a vampire…"

I glared at Emmett; we did not need to draw _more_ attention to ourselves. Ignoring me, he continued to formulate plans about a human brawl in hushed whispers with Jasper. His thoughts focused on the shocked expression of the boy right after the fight. Suddenly, his thoughts switched to _Alice_ fighting the human boy, and the boy's incredulous, and smashed, expression after he was pummeled. I had to work to fight off a grin.

Alice came over and put her hand on Jasper's arm. Gradually, Jasper calmed down. So did the argument at the table near us. Alice always had a soothing affect on Jasper. I politely looked away, giving them a private moment.

Rosalie and Emmett's relationship was much different than Alice and Jasper's. While Alice and Jasper had more of an internal relationship, always protecting each other out of love, Emmett and Rosalie had a very open relationship. They did not mind public display of affection, and did not bother to screen their thoughts about each other, much to my displeasure.

Emmett reacted much differently than Jasper to situations like Alice's. Rosalie had been in Alice's situation so many times that it didn't even cross Emmett's mind to be bothered by it any more. He would always laugh about it and then add it to his tally of how many people gaped at Rosalie before they realized that she wasn't interested in any of them. He knew Rosalie could handle anything that was thrown at her, and he remained relaxed on the sidelines, though always watching. Even though he didn't know it, his unconscious mind kept him ready, just in case. Rosalie liked to be independent and handle her own situations, and Emmett's reaction, or lack of reaction, was perfect for her.

I wondered how I would feel if someone I loved like _that_ was being gaped at by other males. My mind wandered to the thoughts of the male population about Bella on her first day of school, and my sudden violent reaction. I suppressed that thought. It would be easier to ignore her if I didn't think about her either. I sighed at the inevitable.

When I walked into Biology, banishing all thoughts of Bella, I was fully prepared to ignore her. I would let her know that we could no longer talk to each other through my actions. After our talk in the hospital, she probably would not have wanted to become a friend of mine anyways, I thought wistfully.

So when Bella sat down next to me and her scent blew in my direction, I was caught off guard. Her scent filled my nostrils, consuming me. I was the monster again, watching her fiercely, waiting for the opportune moment. _No!_ I stopped breathing, but it did not do much to help. She looked at me and smiled pleasantly.

"Hello Edward," Bella said in a friendly manner.

Her voice sent a shiver up my spine. It was a pleasant shiver. It helped me calm down and resist the monster in my system. I gave her a quick nod without facing her. I wasn't sure I could handle it. Bella was willing to be friends, or at least come to speaking terms with me, despite everything that had happened, and I was rejecting it. Everything felt so wrong, like I'd missed the most important train of my life. I began breathing again, but even those breaths were shallow. Unable to decipher these new emotions, I locked my eyes on the front of the room.

Bella looked away, but I could not tell how she was feeling.

I decided that it would be the last contact I ever had with Bella Swan.

Nothing felt right anymore.

--

I had kept my promise to my family. It had been nearly a month since I had spoken to Bella. I watched her everyday, subtly so she would not notice, but I never spoke to her.

My mind, however, was traitorous. Even though I had somehow managed not to talk to Bella, I could not keep my thoughts away from her. Every time I saw her, I wondered what was running through her mind.

At first I thought I would get over it, that I would eventually lose interest in her, but I soon came to realize that it would never happen. Rather, I found myself becoming more obsessed with her than before. It was like her presence demanded my thoughts. And my thoughts about Bella unnerved me.

I found myself noticing how she would lean forward slightly when she was listening intently, how her lips pursed enticingly when she was trying to solve a problem. Sometimes I caught myself wondering how she got her hair to be that silky texture, wondering how she could put it into a loose, easygoing ponytail and still be so alluring. I tried to shake away these thoughts, forcing myself to think that it was solely her scent that drew me in, but it was more difficult than I anticipated. My thoughts were traveling down a dangerous path and I could do nothing to prevent them.

Occasionally, I saw her gaze in my direction, and I always purposefully looked away. But averting my eyes from hers did not help avert my thoughts from her. Her gaze made my mind whirl faster. After saving her life, I had not even said "hello" to her, let alone have a conversation with her. What must she think of me?

Her scent heightened the difficult situation. Outside of our Biology classroom, if I avoided her, I was able to keep control of my reaction to her scent. But cooped up in the little Biology room, I had to exercise strenuous restraint. Every time her scent was blown in my direction, it always came as a shock to my system. The venom flowed more than it should have, the monster roared, and I clung desperately to the little bit of humanity that was left in me. Her scent always hit me as hard as it did the first time.

I was constantly upset over something or another, and I slowly realized that it was because I was unable to talk to Bella. Alice once mentioned that my eyes seemed to always have a darker tint, even after I hunted. It was only because of Jasper that I was able to stay calm and not snap back at her angrily. Once I left Jasper's presence, I would feel even more aggravated, knowing that the calmness I had felt in those moments was not real happiness.

I had not felt content since my decision to ignore Bella.

Ignoring Bella had more than one negative side effect. Tyler Crowley, after nearly killing Bella, decided that Bella should get the opportunity to go out with him. He thought he was doing her a favor. It took more effort to keep my emotions in check around boys like Tyler than it did around Bella. Jasper would understand my thirsty emotions around Bella, to some extent, but he wouldn't understand why my anger was directed towards Tyler. I didn't even understand it completely.

What I understood was that every time Tyler talked or thought about Bella, I wanted to hurt him badly, to tear thoughts of him and Bella straight out of his mind. I fought to avoid making plans to hurt him; otherwise my thoughts would be given away to Alice.

Mike Newton was, if possible, even more annoying than Tyler Crowley. Overly pleased that Bella had not taken interest in me, he became more confident around Bella. I tried to feel relieved that Bella had not taken an interest in me; it would not have ended well for her. Instead, all I felt was regret.

Mike would talk to Bella at every possible moment, and when he was not talking to Bella, he would be imagining himself and Bella alone. His confidence worried me. He was not worth Bella's attention, let alone her free time. He did not love her; he only lusted after her. But what I thought didn't matter; it was what Bella wanted that mattered. And if she thought that someone like Mike Newton was worth her time…I shuddered at that thought.

I always listened to his and Bella's conversation right before Biology class began. It was because I had nothing better to do, I told myself. They talked about everything from weather to weekend plans. Mike, thankfully, had not yet thought of bringing up the upcoming Spring Dance, though it was constantly on his mind.

Listening to their conversation was like an internal rebellion. It was not supposed to matter whether Mike talked to Bella. Her life and what she did was not supposed to matter. Yet my curiosity about her always won over the guilt of betraying my family. After all, I wasn't talking to her. I was only listening to her soothing voice. I was doing nothing wrong.

It was during lunch on the first Wednesday of March when I first noticed the difference between today and the previous twenty-six days. The atmosphere at the table where Bella was sitting was tense. Searching though Jessica's thoughts, something which I generally avoided doing, I found the reason for her anxiousness. She had asked Mike Newton to the girl's choice Spring Dance and he had said that he would think about it. She had spent all of her time in school analyzing Mike's every word.

My stomach clenched fearfully. If Mike Newton had left Jessica's request hanging, it meant that he must have another girl in mind to ask to the dance. I didn't need to read his thoughts to know whom the other girl was. I looked through his mind frantically anyways, and found that he was thinking about Bella asking him to the dance. His thoughts did not reveal whether he was going to bring it up in Biology class or not. I prayed that he wouldn't.

"Oh," Alice murmured lightly, and her eyes unfocused. Whenever Alice had a vision, our family tried to not all turn to her at once. It would look too suspicious. I didn't need to turn to Alice; I could see whatever was going through her mind without facing her.

_Mike Newton was talking to Bella in Biology and he was blushing. "I was wondering if…well, if you might be planning to ask me," he asked. Bella turned away. I saw my head tilt reflexively in her direction in what I imagined as blatant curiosity to her reaction. Bella paused for a moment, before turning back to him._

Abruptly, Alice's vision ended. That normally did not happen. Either it was because Mike had changed his mind or because she had pulled herself out of the vision. I glanced at Mike and determined that there was no change in his thoughts. He still wanted Bella to ask him to the dance. I snarled.

It was as though someone had doused me in fire. I felt a flare of anger roar to life. Emotions that I had rarely felt before, and definitely never to this extreme, arose from the fiery pits of Hell. Where did he ever get the idea that Bella would want to go out with him? Where did he get the idea that she liked him in _that_ way at all? I was close to boiling over with this terrible fury.

_How dare he?!_

A small voice in my head reminded me that he, not I, had been talking to Bella for the past month. It was Mike Newton, not Edward Cullen that dutifully sat next to Bella every single day in Biology, probing into her mind, being her friend.

Bitterness crept into my throat.

I had caused this to happen by ignoring her.

I tried to remind myself that her life did not matter, but this new information had sent that idea out of the window. Bella would not, _could not_, go out with someone like Mike Newton. It tore through me to think that she might.

Jasper, sensing my resentment, used his influence to calm me. I grudgingly calmed, but that did not mean that my thoughts were shut out.

Instead, I focused on hoping that she would not accept his offer. Composing my face, and keeping my tone in control, I commented on Alice pulling herself out of a vision.

"That's quite cruel of you, you know," I chuckled quietly under my breath, "leaving a cliff hanger at the end of that."

Alice smiled in return. Rosalie turned to Emmett, attempting to hide her distaste at being left out of Alice's latest vision. Jasper looked away disinterested; he knew that Alice would tell him about her vision later. I hoped she wouldn't.

Alice's reply was short.

_Does it matter to you?_

I shook my head slightly. She rolled her eyes. She knew that I was lying through my teeth. Despite my attempts to hide my angry thoughts, Alice would occasionally see me dismembering Mike, Tyler, Eric, or all three of them at once in her visions. She warned me that she would be watching my reaction.

I walked to Biology in dread. I wanted to know what Bella would say to him before she actually gave her response, so I could prepare myself. Deep in my mind, I was hoping that Mike would lose his cool and back out of asking Bella. It was this hope that kept my rage from taking over.

Mike walked into the Biology room with Bella, as usual, and pulled up a stool near our lab table so that he could sit near her. His presence at our lab table had never been more infuriating. He was uncomfortable with the whole situation and I fiercely wished that Jasper could have been here to make him even more uncomfortable. Maybe then he would back down. Mike ended up stiffening his resolve and speaking.

"So," Mike said, looking down, "Jessica asked me to the spring dance."

"That's great," she replied enthusiastically, "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica." I wanted to believe that this was because she did not like Mike and was glad that he had gotten over her. Unfortunately, I couldn't be sure. It might only be because she did not know what he was going to offer her and wanted to be happy for her friend. I cursed my inability to read Bella's mind.

"Well…" Mike deliberated for a moment, "I told her I had to think about it." He was not happy with her response. He wanted her to sound disappointed that Jessica had gotten to him first.

"Why would you do that?" she asked. The disapproval was clear in her tone, helping to alleviate my anxiety. That alleviation only lasted for a moment. Underlying that Bella's disapproval was relief. I could hear it at the end of her question. I fought to keep chagrin off of my face. Was she relieved that Mike had not said yes to Jessica? Was she relieved that she might get a chance with Mike Newton? My hope that she saw him for what he really was ebbed away. It was replaced with resentment. If only I hadn't ignored her…

'I was wondering if…well, if you might be planning to ask me," he muttered, his face turning bright red. They were the exact words from Alice's vision. Despite seeing Alice's vision, I automatically leaned towards Bella, awaiting the most important answer.

"Mike," she said. I realized that I wasn't breathing. "I think you should tell her yes." I released my breath. It wasn't the direct answer of no that I was hoping for, but it defiantly implied that message.

"Did you already ask someone?" His eyes flickered towards me. I nearly smirked. Nearly. I still was pretending to be uninterested in their conversation.

_You shouldn't need to pretend,_ my conscience accused.

"No," she said. "I'm not going at all." I thought about that statement with a frown. Was she was only saying no to Mike because she was not going to the dance at all, not because she did not want to go out with him. He asked her why she wasn't going, and she replied that she was going to Seattle that day. Dejected, he finally returned to his lab table. Next to me, Bella groaned silently and closed her eyes. I disliked her answer as much as Mike did. It did not really imply what I wanted it to.

Mike Newton was wondering what Bella's words meant. She hadn't said that she didn't like him, only that she was not going to be able to go to the dance with him on Saturday. _There's still hope_, he thought.

If I were being rational, I would have realized that he was right. She _had_ only said that she wouldn't be able to go with him to the dance, and also implied that it was because Jessica already asked him. Under different circumstances she might have said yes.

But I did not want to think rationally. I did not want to believe that Bella was only refusing him because she was busy that day. I did not want her to like him at all, and I wanted her thoughts to agree with me. Never had I felt more selfish and frustrated, but I could not help it.

I stared intently at Bella, wanting her to succumb to my wants. As though feeling my gaze, she opened her eyes and stared right back at me. She did not pull away from the intensity in my eyes; she absorbed it. Our eyes, my darkened ocher and her deep chocolate, were locked together, making it impossible to pull away. Her hand began shaking with the intensity of the force that was holding our eyes together.

Holding us together.

"Mr. Cullen?" the teacher called, his voice sounding far away. I was jerked back into reality. Another part of my mind had been focusing on the lesson and I reluctantly turned back to that part of my mind and answered.

"The Krebs Cycle," I answered clearly and turned away. Once turned away, I let the full force of my revelation hit.

For the first time in a month, I had felt fully aware of my surroundings. After a long sleep of ignorance, I had woken up to the truth.

I finally knew what had been missing, why I was so upset. Bella's penetrating gaze had been rejuvenating. I had felt more alive and vitalized in those few seconds than I had felt in the entire month. In my entire life.

Those few seconds made me realize what I was missing in ignoring Bella. She had become a part of my life that I had put to sleep by ignoring her. And as much as the forces of the world insisted that I let her be, my unbeating heart was not willing to give her up.

Now I had to decide what to do next. After the intensity of this afternoon, how could I still leave Bella without an explanation? She deserved to an explanation. After all, she had done so much for me, for my family. I could not give her the real reason, but I could at least let her know that I wanted to be, longed to be, her…friend. Even though we could never be, I would make sure that she at least understood an inkling of my feelings for her. I wanted to make my intentions clear before she was faced with similar proposals from other boys.

I cringed. I knew there would be other boys.

As the thrill of my revelation began to fade, the guilt of what I planned to do began to seep in. All class I faced a battle: the choice between protecting my family or giving Bella some of the truth, giving in to my desires. The electric aura that radiated from Bella was a constant reminder of what I craved for. By the end of the class, I knew that the choice of ignoring Bella had lost even before the internal war began. I was ready to break the vow I had made to my family. The bell rang and students began filing out of the room.

I was ready to talk to Bella for the first time in nearly a month.

"Bella?" I asked. I was surprised at the sound of my voice; it was as though I had spoken for the first time in that month. Things in my mind seemed to fall in their normal place again, my constant headache gone. I found my breathing returning to normal for the first time since my decision. Bella turned to me slowly, as though wanting to compose her face before replying.

"What? Are you speaking to me again?" Bella questioned. I couldn't be sure whether she was being serious or not. There was a note of petulance in her voice that almost made me grin. _Was_ she hoping that I would have talked to her this past month?

"No, not really," I said, some of my good humor returning.

"Then what do you want, Edward:" she asked, her voice wavering slightly, as though she didn't know whether this was the right question to ask. She closed her eyes. I nearly stopped then.

It was now or never. I couldn't back out now.

"I'm sorry," I said, speaking the pure truth, "I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really." It was really better that she did not get more involved in my life. It would only put her in more danger. I could not hide the twinge of disappointment in my words.

She finally opened her eyes, her expression cautious.

"I don't know what you mean," she said, her voice guarded.

"It's better if we're not friends," I explained. "Trust me." I remembered her asking me to trust her right after the accident. It seemed like a century ago.

Her eyes narrowed, and I gazed at her curiously. There was no need to be angry about what I said. I expected her to be happy, or at least no longer frustrated, that I had opened up to her, bringing up my darkest secret that she had been so curious about only a month ago. She knew more about my family than any human ever had.

"It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier." I raised my eyebrows at the venom in her voice. "You could have saved yourself all this regret."

Regret? She had obviously not understood what I said.

"Regret? Regret for what?" I asked, curious to know how she had taken my words.

"For not letting that stupid van squish me," she hissed.

I stared back astonished. Yes, I had ignored her. Yes, the last time I had spoken to her, I had been angry with her. But even then I had never regretted saving her. If I had regretted saving her, she would have already been dead. Surely she must know that. I couldn't _believe_ she had just said that.

"You think I regret saving your life?" My incredulity was beginning to give way to another emotion.

"I _know_ you do," she snapped.

She _knew_ I did? She thought she _knew_? I thought bitterly. She knew nothing, that's what she knew! She had no idea how hard I tried to keep her alive. She had no idea that I had gone against every instinct in my body to keep her alive. I had no idea how that ridiculous misguided idea had gotten into her mind, and it hurt to know that she thought I was hateful enough to regret saving her.

"You don't know anything," I said sharply, angry and hurt.

Apparently Bella had had enough of our conversation. She turned away and all but ran to the door. Just as she was leaving, her boot caught on the doorjamb and she tripped and dropped her books. Watching her gaze down at her books, looking helpless, my expression softened. I was at her side, stacking her books neatly into a pile before she had even bent down to pick them up.

"Thank you," she said icily.

My expression hardened again, all traces of softness gone.

"You're welcome," I retorted. She stormed out of the room, stumbling.

I gazed at the room around me, rubbing my temples in frustration as I sat back down on a stool. I had never been the last one to leave this room, but now that it was empty, it seemed more welcoming than it ever had been. In this empty room, I could sort through my thoughts without anyone else's interfering.

The best option now would be to ignore her. Again. I winced at the thought of falling back into that half asleep, half awake stupor again, but I had tried to explain myself to Bella, and she had not reacted well to the truth. She thought I was exactly how I had wanted to appear, nonchalant, and uncaring. To watch her, for once, not see through my pretenses, and actually believe I was uncaring, was agonizing.

I wasn't sure whether I would be able to keep up this pretense anymore, knowing that she actually believed it, and knowing that it frustrated her. Her frustration was equal to my own. Things had not turned out the way I planned it. To have her think that I regretted saving her was unbearable, but there was not much I could do about it. What could I say to her that would lessen her clear dislike of me, and that would keep my family a secret at the same time? My mind cried out for answers.

_What could I say to her so that she wouldn't hate me?_

Pain tore through me. I couldn't leave things with Bella the way they were.

But what was there left to do?

--

I didn't to go to my next class. Alice would be there. She would know what happened. I didn't want to discuss this with her. My torrent of new emotions took over instead.

Once outside of the school, out of plain site, I ran. I ran to rid my mind of all thoughts, like humans normally did. _But I'm not human_, I thought bitterly, _and running will not help me get away from my problems_.

Shifting aside my new upsetting emotions, I looked at the situation from a neutral standpoint.

Bella did not like me, that much I could comprehend. Yet the urge to protect her could not be dispelled. Just because she did not like me did not mean that I shouldn't watch out for her. I was sure that there were more boys, like predators, waiting to pounce on her at the first sign of weakness. I had to watch and make sure. I turned and ran right back to the school.

I tried not to think about her actually wanting to date any of these boys. I wasn't willing to overwhelm myself with that pain yet. Leaning on the brick wall of the school, I closed my eyes and opened my mind to the thoughts of others. I focused on any thoughts that pertained to Bella.

Jessica was bubbling. Mike had agreed to go with the dance with her that afternoon, and she was secretly pleased that he had chosen her over Bella. Little did she know that she was his second choice.

Mike was in gym, with Bella. Through Mike's mind, I saw Bella trip and fall. I automatically winced. Again, his thoughts said. He was far too embarrassed about what happened in Biology to help her up. I growled protectively. If he wasn't willing to help her up just because she had said no to him, he didn't deserve to be with Bella in the first place. Oh Bella…

Someone else's thoughts popped out at me, mentioning my name.

…_Edward. I thought she would have asked him out. Thank goodness she didn't. The idiot has every girl waiting to go out with him, and he acts like he doesn't even care. At least Bella doesn't stare at him with that depressed look as often. Maybe if I ask her instead, she might go with me and forget him…_

Irritation overwhelmed the feeling of pleasure I got from finding out that Bella had been interested in me. Eric was going to ask her out next. I could slowly see a line forming to ask Bella out. And eventually, she would have to say yes to one of them. That idea infuriated me more than anything else.

I stood perfectly still, waiting.

I saw Bella come out into the parking lot in a cluster of students all heading in the same direction. Her hair was thrown into a messy ponytail that suited her so well that for a moment I forgot what I was so upset about and smiled, dazed. It was as though Bella and unpleasant thoughts couldn't be in my mind at the same time.

I glanced at Bella's truck, and frowned. Eric was already waiting there, anxiously twiddling his thumbs. My lips tightened, and fury and fear overclouded all other emotions. I started at them, listening intently to the conversation that I knew would come.

"Hey Eric," Bella said, with no emotion in her voice.

"Hi Bella, " Eric replied.

"What's up?" Saying this, she began unlocking her car door and getting in. I laughed softly, trying to ease my unreasonable anxiousness. It seemed like Bella didn't even know that Eric was going to ask her to the dance. Eric noticed this too, and blushed. His heart rate rose even more as he squeaked out the question.

"Uh, I was just wondering…if you would go to the spring dance with me?"

"I thought it was a girls' choice," she muttered, but her tone gave away her shock. Eric blushed even more, and I was suddenly reminded that I was a vampire that was attracted to blood. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth. Now was not a good time.

"Well, yeah," he admitted, shamefaced. She attempted to smile, but failed miserably. Her miserable smile made me happier than anything else had that day. I could pity Eric now that I knew that she wouldn't say yes to him.

"Thank you for asking me, " Bella said, with tact, " but I'm going to be in Seattle that day."

"Oh," he said, embarrassed, "Well, maybe next time."

"Sure," she agreed, before biting down on her lip. I chuckled lightly. From the way she was looking at him, it looked like she regretted what she had just said. By this point, she looked thoroughly annoyed by the conversation altogether.

Without reading her mind, I could tell that it wasn't just Mike or Eric. She didn't want to go out with any of them. I laughed freely now. Poor Bella.

As I expected, Eric wasn't the only one that was in line to ask Bella out. Tyler Crowley, watching Eric walk away dejected, decided that now would be the best time to grace Bella with his presence. I snorted smugly at his arrogant thoughts. I wanted to see his face when Bella turned him down. I was almost positive that she would.

But at the rate Bella was going, she would leave before Tyler even got a chance to ask her, and be rejected by her. Tyler would miss his chance if Bella left now. I smiled cheekily.

I couldn't let that happen, now could I?

I walked straight past her truck, still chuckling, forming a plan. I was in my car and into the aisle before Bella could speed away. I looked at her through the side mirror. She was fuming. It wasn't the same frustration that was evident on her face in Biology. She looked more like she was going to ram the back of my car just to leave this school and its crowd of boys. I thought about Bella ramming her truck into my Volvo and laughed at the picture it made.

Alice was walking towards the car with Jasper, while Rosalie and Emmett were trailing behind them. Alice raised her eyebrows in my direction, before showing me the vision of Bella angrily rejecting Tyler too, and me laughing in the front seat of the Volvo.

The little bit of the tension that was still left knotted my stomach disappeared. All I had to do was wait for the action to unfold in front of me, or behind me in this case. I signaled for Alice to walk more slowly and she complied, smirking. She wouldn't mind seeing Tyler brought down a notch either.

As I hoped, a line had formed behind me, Tyler Crowley included. While I pretended to wait for my slow moving family, Tyler had gotten out of his car and tapped on the passenger door of Bella's truck. He was much more self-assured than Mike or Eric had ever been. That threw me off for a moment, until I saw Bella glare at him too. My smirk grew more prominent.

"I'm sorry, Tyler, I'm stuck behind Cullen," she said loudly, deliberately in my direction. I continued grinning.

"Oh, I know – I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here," he said, the arrogance clear in his voice. I grinned smugly, watching Bella's eyes grow wide with incredulity. She saw it coming this time.

"Will you ask me to the spring dance?"

"I'm not going to be in town, Tyler," she said sharply. He looked taken aback for a moment, before revealing something.

"Yeah, Mike said that."

"Then why – "

"I was hoping you were just letting him down easy," Tyler said casually, shrugging. Bella grew even more frustrated than before. I laughed. Tyler was just digging himself a deeper hole.

"Sorry Tyler," she said, trying to hide her obvious irritation. "I really am going out of town."

"That's cool. We still have prom." He said, and then walked back to his car, as though she hadn't rejected him at all. His mind could not accept rejection so he had somehow deluded himself into thinking that he was going to prom with her. I was going to get to watch Bella refuse Tyler a second time…what an idiot… I was now shaking with laughter.

Bella looked up and our eyes met in my side view mirror. I couldn't stop laughing in time so I didn't even bother trying. Bella's face changed from confusion to fury in the span of three seconds. She looked like she might actually ram into the back of the Volvo.

Perfectly timed by Alice, my family all got into the car right then, and we drove off seconds after I saw Bella's expression. Even while shaking with laughter, I could drive perfectly. Alice turned to gaze at Bella's furious expression and began laughing with me. Rosalie attempted to look nonchalant, while Emmett gazed between Alice and I, confused. Jasper looked solely at Alice, patiently waiting for an explanation. After Alice stopped laughing, she explained what happened. Like a typical Alice story, she told the story dramatically, using hand gestures and various tones to imitate different humans. I smiled indulgently.

Emmett chortled and punched my shoulder in appreciation of my well thought out plan. Jasper gazed out of the window, smirking. Neither Emmett nor Jasper cared much for Tyler, in mildest terms. Especially Jasper. Jasper still remembered how Tyler used to look at Alice. Emmett thought it was hysterical that Tyler was turned down not only by vampires, but also by humans. Only Rosalie, who found no amusement in the story whatsoever, was able to discover an underlying meaning behind it.

"So you're talking to the human girl again?" Rosalie sneered.

"When did I ever say I was talking to _Bella_ again?" I questioned, knowing that talking to Bella wasn't mentioned in the story at all. The only other person who would know was Alice, and I didn't think that Alice would give me away to Rosalie. But Alice had the same look of confusion on her face.

"So you didn't talk to Bella at all today?" Rosalie asked, mocking my fruitless attempt to hide the truth.

"I never said I didn't."

"You promised to ignore her!" Rosalie accused. Her thoughts were pointing at Jasper. I gave Jasper a disgruntled look.

"There was so much tension rolling off of you when you were in Biology that I had to mention it. I thought something might have happened," Jasper said, replying to my unasked question. He shrugged. I was about to ask him how exactly telling Rosalie would help my situation at all, when Rosalie herself interrupted me.

"What did you say to her?" She thought that I had possibly said too much to Bella. Again. Like how I normally acted around Bella.

"It's alright, Rose," Emmett said, trying to soothe Rosalie. "It was probably just a one time thing. Let it go." But when Rosalie had her mind set to something, she never just 'let things go'. At times, this quality in Rosalie was useful. This was not one of those times.

"What did you say?" she demanded again. Jasper turned to me, also curious. I tried to make my reply sound unimportant.

"I told her that it was better that we weren't friends, for both of us." I left out the fact that I so badly wanted to be her friend.

"Oh, and she said something about me regretting saving her life," I added, hiding the painful effect those words had on me. Rosalie was furious.

"So you basically told her that 'because I'm different, we can't be friends'? Do you realize how _obvious_ that sounds?" she snapped.

"And what was I supposed to do? Leave her without an explanation? She at least deserved _something_ after what she did for us!" I retorted.

"If you had just acted _normal_ around her, you wouldn't have needed to give her an explanation in the first place!" Rosalie hissed back. Rosalie's version of normal was different from the rest of the family's version of normal. She had the hardest time accepting that being a vampire _was_ her new normal.

Emmett broke into our argument.

"Rose, it's _fine_," Emmett said, his voice patient, "Edward gave her an explanation and now it's done. He'll go back to ignoring her now. Nothing has changed." As Emmett said this, he glanced in my direction. I kept my eyes focused on the road. Telling my family now that I was undecided on continuing to ignore Bella would be unwise.

Rosalie looked away, calmed only by Emmett, but still unhappy by the turnout of the argument. The car became silent.

I needed to think.

--

My thought process could make no progress at home. Alice and Jasper had gone to hunt, and I had declined to join them. Afterwards, I wished I had accepted their offer.

Rosalie was still upset, and Emmett was soothing her in the only way he knew best. I tried to focus on anything except Rosalie and Emmett, but it was difficult when their thoughts were so clear to me. A mix of disgust and guilt for seeing such a private moment made me sick, and made it impossible to think of anything else.

I needed to get out of the house.

Esme sent me a pitying look and I walked out without looking back.

I kept walking until I was far away from human life. Deep into the forest, I let my senses flow free, let my mind shut down. I let my natural instinct take over. I opened up in ways I couldn't around humans.

I became the predator.

Following solely my senses gave me a wonderful sense of freedom. It made me wonder why I ever suppressed all these senses at all. The speed was exhilarating, the enhanced smell of blood sweet, and the humane thoughts that were so difficult to maintain were banished. Following these natural impulses was so easy, and it was in these times that I understood why most vampires stayed this way. Why give up a life of freedom for a difficult, suppressed life? Were humans really worth the effort?

I would feel guilty about these thoughts later. Now wasn't a time to think. Now was a time to act. I waited patiently for the familiar scent.

And then a stronger sweet scent hit me. Blood was nearby. Animal Blood. I closed my eyes, and let it's smell guide me. When it stopped moving, I crouched, ready to pounce.

Ready to forget everything.

Ready for the monster to roar to life.

--

After hunting, I wasn't quite ready to go back to the house yet. It was past twilight and the cool breeze was relaxing. I found it easier to think out here than at my home. I was running in a new direction, somewhere I hadn't been before.

The houses here were a little older than some of the other houses in Forks. A little smaller too. But there was a homely feeling about these houses that gave them a comfortable atmosphere anyways. Behind these houses was an expansive forest. I saw the one house I had been searching for all along.

The two occupants of the house were already asleep. I was interested in only one of those occupants. Getting up to her open window was no problem. I sat on the windowsill, half in her room and half out of her room, debating what I would do. She turned and mumbled in her sleep. She was now facing me, her eyes still closed.

Ah Bella.

She was beautiful. Her luscious hair was splayed across the pillow, and her arms were wrapped tight around her thin body. Her perfect, full lips were slightly parted, sending a different hunger running through my body. The blanket was half off her body and I automatically came in and pulled the blanket over her completely. She had been shivering.

She was the perfect picture of innocence.

An angel.

It would be wrong in so many ways to taint that innocence. My presence would do that. A work of the devil didn't deserve to be in the presence of an angel. I didn't deserve Bella at all.

If I were around her, she would be in constant danger. There was never a time where I didn't thirst for her blood. Never. With immense concentration, I could avoid reacting to her scent. But even then, her scent would always be there, always consuming me. I could hurt her at any time, without warning. And then she would be dead, because of me.

Physical pain tore through me, and I clutched my head. That thought was intolerable to imagine. I could not let that happen. It _would_ not happen.

So the best option would be to ignore her again. When I ignored her, I fully concentrated on keeping control. I could go on living how I had been living for the past month. Or if I couldn't do that, I could leave for a few years. Bella would be gone by then. It would be the right thing to do, the moral, ethical thing to do. It was the best option for my family and for Bella.

But could I do it?

My calculative mind saw the cons of ignoring Bella along with the pros. It had opened Bella to other boys. Like Mike Newton. I had never felt such terrible anger before, never felt such regret and bitterness before. I could have snapped his neck in two. I would have. I _should_ have!

But where did that violent emotion come from? What did it mean?

I looked into my memory of emotions, and this emotion matched up to nothing I had ever felt before. Exasperated, I looked into my memory of _human_ emotions, things I had gotten from reading human minds. It only took a minute to realize what my irrational anger had been.

It was jealousy.

I had read about it, seen it in movies, and watched it humans, but I had never expected it to be so strong, and certainly never in me. Yet after thinking about it, it made perfect sense. There were so many reasons to be jealous. I was jealous that Mike had gotten the chance to ask Bella out, when I never could. I was jealous that there was guilt on her face when she said no to him. I was jealous that, for once, his being a human gave him an advantage over me. And I knew what this jealousy meant.

It meant that I could no longer deny the truth. I couldn't pretend that I didn't have human wants and desires. And I knew exactly what I wanted.

I wanted Bella. Mind, body, and soul.

She had woken up dormant feelings in my body that I didn't know could exist. They were feelings that were seen in plays, romance movies, and love stories. I felt more human around her than I had ever felt. The longing to express those feelings was more powerful than any other hunger I had ever felt.

I found myself relating to humans in new ways. I wanted her in the way Darcy wanted Elizabeth, the way Rhett wanted Scarlett, the way Romeo wanted Juliet…I wanted to hold her in my arms and shut out the rest of the world. I wanted to keep her there and protect her from everything that was out to get her. I wanted to keep her safe and happy.

_Safe and happy in my arms_. I laughed humorlessly. That was the world's largest paradox. She could never be safe in my arms.

My heart cried.

She had wanted me. I couldn't deny that any longer either. Pretending that she hadn't liked me had made it easier to ignore her. So I had made excuses for every instance that she gazed at me. Now I had lost that foothold too. And the opportunity that Bella had presented.

But that didn't mean I couldn't get it back.

I could do it. I was sure of it. Humans were naturally attracted to us. Every time we went to a new place, they're eyes would follow us like leeches. But Bella would be different. I didn't want Bella to be like that. If Bella liked me, it would be because she liked me for who I was.

Could she even like me for who I was?

She had seen glimpses of who I really was, and she didn't seem to like that. Maybe I was presuming too much. It was hard to imagine a human ever liking a vampire. Maybe I should just leave before I began to hope, and that hope was crushed. Deep down, I knew my heart would always be here, with her. I sighed and turned to leave.

Bella shifted. She spoke again, so clearly that I wasn't sure she was actually asleep. I froze.

"Edward…"

Her brow puckered, and she restlessly turned around, her back now to me. She squirmed again before turning back to face me. She sighed warmly. Her face was smooth, and she was still in deep sleep.

I couldn't move.

The feeling that coursed through me was staggering. Unnerving. It was better than the sense of freedom, better than anything I had ever felt. Hearing her say my name like that made me feel…indescribably ecstatic, and even that was an understatement. I would do anything to hear her say my name again.

Everything suddenly felt right.

Bella unknowingly had made my decision. There was no way I could do any different. Her voice had brought out the raw truth.

Bella had become my whole life. Ever since my eyes had fallen upon her, ever since I had scented her, she had become the reason for my existence. Without her, I would become a shell of my true self. I would seize to exist. She was the reason I was miserable, the reason I was happy, the reason I felt any emotion at all. She was the scent I craved. The mind I longed to read. The depth in my songs.

The beat of my heart.

I couldn't ignore her anymore.

--

I came home wrapped up in my own world. My new emotions came through stronger, having been dormant for so long. For the first time ever, I didn't notice Esme and Carlisle until I was half way into the room.

_You look different_, Esme commented.

And I did. My face was flushed from an excess of emotions, and I was incredibly restless. My little trip had hyped me up. There was a glow in my eyes that hadn't been there before.

_What is the reason for the change?_ Carlisle wondered.

I only debated for a moment whether I would tell them or not. They would find out anyways, either from Alice or after I spoke to Bella tomorrow. Things in this family never stayed a secret.

"I can't do it anymore," I said, sincere guilt tinting my words. "Ignore Bella. She's different from anyone I've ever met, human and vampire. And the way I feel around her is…new, but good. It's…it's…" Carlisle raised his eyebrows. I had never been at a loss for words. Never. An additional new experience.

Esme, however, was grinning like a wildcat. Her grin had never been wider. I was taken aback for a moment. She made an eager inquiry. I nodded, giving her my first true smile in a month. She just about clapped with satisfaction. I should have expected it. Esme had been waiting forever for this to happen.

For me to fall in love.

--

Feeling cheery, I made plans in my mind on the way to school. I had to find a way to spend time with Bella. I longed to spend time with her alone, but I thought it was best not to push my luck. I would be lucky if she was willing to spend time with me at all. I wasn't even sure that she liked me yet.

But the way she had sighed my name last night, dreaming of me…No, I couldn't believed that she still _hated_ me.

We were early, as usual, and I parked in our spot. I told my family to go ahead without me. Rosalie gave me disgruntled look, sensing I was up to something. I shrugged it off, uncaring. I needed to talk to Bella. I waited patiently in the parking lot.

When Bella came into the parking lot, her eyes looked up, searching. She found what she was looking for, my Volvo. I grinned in pleasure. She then took me by surprise by frowning and parking as far away from it as possible. She must still be mad at me about yesterday's scheme. I didn't know whether to be disappointed or amused. Either ways, it didn't wipe the grin off my face. I began walking towards her.

She got out of her truck, and, being her usual clumsy self, dropped her keys in a puddle. I was near enough to pick up her keys and lean back against her truck. She looked surprised and irritated at the same time.

"How do you _do_ that?"

"Do what?" I wondered. She held out her palm for her keys, and I dropped them into her palm.

"Appear out of thin air."

I had forgotten how observant Bella normally was. It was one of the things that made her so attractive. But still, she didn't need to know that.

"Bella, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." She scowled, and glared at me. After a moment she looked down, leaving me confused.

"Why the traffic jam last night?" she demanded. "I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death."

Even her witty sarcastic humor was attractive. And I was still grinning. It didn't take much for me to realize that I was a completely hopeless case. Hopelessly in love, anyways.

I wondered how she would react to the truth.

"That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance." I couldn't help but laugh. It _had_ been very amusing.

"You…" she gasped, furious. Her brow furrowed as she looked for the right word to describe me. Apparently she couldn't find a bad enough word, so she just scowled. It was hysterical.

But I still had to clear some matters up.

"And I'm not pretending you don't exist."

"So you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler's can didn't do the job?" she snapped. I winced, and became annoyed, sobering my ecstatic mood. How could she be so inquisitive at some instances, and so completely wrong at others? My lips pressed into a hard line, trying not to let my anger show.

"Bella, you are utterly absurd."

She glared at me one last time before turning away and walking in the other direction again. This time I refused to let her go. I wanted to make things right between us, not make things worse. I caught up to her easily.

"I'm sorry, that was rude," I apologized. "I'm not saying it isn't true," I added, "but it was rude to say, anyway."

"Why won't you leave me alone?" she grumbled.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me," I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. My thoughts were more serious. If she still wanted me to leave her alone after that then I would…or at least I would try.

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?" she asked, clearly taken back by my sudden change in mood. At this rate, I would never be able to ask her.

"You're doing it again."

She sighed. "Fine, then. What do you want to ask?"

I had considered asking her to the dance at first, but later realized it was a bad idea. I had already irritated her enough with Tyler and anything else that had to do with the dance would throw her over the edge. I was considering her Seattle plan. But still, it couldn't hurt to see her reaction if I were to ask her…

"I was wondering if, a week from Saturday – you know," I hinted, "the day of the spring dance – "

"Are you trying to be _funny_?" she interrupted, glaring up at me. So she _did_ automatically assume that I was going to ask her to the dance. I smirked wickedly.

"Will you please allow me to finish?"

She grumbled, and waited impatiently for me to continue.

"I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride." She was thrown off for a moment, but not angry.

"What?" she asked, confused. Probably assuming I had another underlying scheme behind my plan.

"Do you want a ride to Seattle?" I asked again, my tone careful. I made it clear that it was okay to say no if she really didn't want to. I held my breath.

"With who?" she questioned, from either shock or confusion.

I raised my eyebrows. I wasn't sure whether she was being serious or not. Did she really not know what I was suggesting?

This was going to be more difficult than I anticipated.

"Myself, obviously," I said slowly, enunciating every syllable, incase she _still_ didn't get it. She was too surprised to be insulted.

"_Why_?" she asked, stunned.

"Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it." The end part of that was true anyways. Bella didn't need to know my obsession for her just yet.

"My truck works just find, thank you very much for your concern," she mumbled, walking faster, trying to maintain some anger. I kept up with her just as easily as before.

"But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?"

"I don't see how that is any of your business," she muttered, annoyed. She glared back at my Volvo with clear dislike. I smiled.

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."

"Honestly, Edward," she said, confusion and surprise pushing out the anger in her voice, "I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend." I sighed, becoming serious. Maybe the second time was the charm.

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."

"Oh, thanks, now that's _all_ cleared up," she said with heavy sarcasm. She turned to gaze at me, irritated. Her beautiful mysterious eyes were filled with longing, for the truth. My vague answers weren't convincing her of anything. I decided to tell her what she wanted to hear.

The truth.

"It would be more…prudent for you not to be my friend. But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella." The sincerity of my new revelation brought an intense edge to my voice, and Bella seemed to notice it. Her breath hitched. She seemed to finally get that I wasn't just asking her to bother her or tease her. She now understood that I was actually serious about what I said.

'Will you go with me to Seattle?" I repeated, gazing down at her, still serious. She nodded.

I smiled with pleasure, before remembering my conscience's worries. She could be hurt at anytime, without warning. It wouldn't be fair to let her come with me without first warning her, even if she didn't understand it.

"You really _should_ stay away from me," I warned. "I'll see you in class," I added and walked away quickly before she had a chance to reply. Even though I did want her to be warned, I didn't want her to change her mind because of it. I was too eager to spend time with her to think about anything else.

_Selfish, selfish, selfish_! My conscience screamed at me. I ignored it.

After all,

_All is fair in love and war._


	4. Chapter 5

So this finally is up. I know. It took me forever. I had a mental block for the longest time, probably because most of it was already scripted out. It doesnt have the proper indents in this version either...Oh well, the words are still the same.

Hope you enjoy.

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**Chapter 5: Blood Type**

It was finally the last class before lunch. The last class before I saw Bella again. That thought sent pleasant butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Another brand new experience.

I looked at the classroom clock. I still had one hour. One painstaking, miserable hour until I had my Bella with me again.

_Not my Bella_, I had to remind myself. She wasn't even remotely close to being _mine_. She shouldn't want to be either. Who should _want_ to be with a vampire anyways?

The guilt I had been trying to suppress all day resurfaced. What was I thinking? Of course I could never be with Bella like that. She would be in too much danger. I would be in too much danger of hurting her.

Even then, all hope was not lost. Maybe I couldn't be with her…in that way, but I certainly could be her friend. Having her friendship was good enough for me. Being Bella's friend would allow me to keep her close by. It satisfied my desire to see Bella safe and my need to listen to her fascinating voice at the same time. I was pleased at how things had turned out.

There was only one more unpleasant idea I needed to come to terms with before I spoke with Bella again.

My friendship with Bella could not be a permanent thing. This could go on for a month or two, a year if I was lucky. But vampires were rarely lucky; any advantage we got was solely from skill. I would need more than luck to stay around Bella. I would need control. Pure, strict control.

I had to prepare myself to leave Bella at any moment, at any time. I had tried to reason out of this situation, but there was no other way. This time, I would _have_ to be prepared to leave if it was necessary.

In the back of my mind I knew I would be able to leave. If keeping Bella safe meant me leaving, then I would be able to do it. I would only be with Bella if it were safe for me to be with her.

Well, not safe. Bella could never be safe with a vampire, especially one who was drawn to her blood in the way I was, and one who was incredibly selfish. After all, ignoring every instinct in my body that warned me that Bella wouldn't be safe was the most selfish act possible. I couldn't even bring myself to tell Bella how cruel I really was.

Ah. My true flaw was that I was cruel and selfish, and I chose to do nothing about it. I was going to be with Bella anyways.

Before I could dwell on my flaws any further, the bell finally rang. As usual, I was the first one out of the room. I left more quickly than usual, and I knew it was solely because I would see Bella at lunch. Remembering Bella's smile made it easier to shove guilty thoughts to the back of my mind.

I smiled, remembering that Bella had agreed to go with me to Seattle. I did not even notice Alice walking next to me until she pointed out, with a smirk, that I had maintained a foolish grin on my face for the past five minutes.

I scowled at her.

Alice and I walked into the cafeteria to find that it was empty, other than our family. Jasper's face lit up when he saw Alice walk in. Alice sat down next to him and I sat on the other side of her. Emmett and Rosalie, on the other hand, were wrapped up in their own little world, their thoughts going overboard.

"Do you _mind_?" I muttered in their direction. There was only so much I could take. We were in _school_, for god sake! Rosalie turned to face me, annoyed, while Emmett grinned sheepishly.

"It's not like we we're _doing_ anything inappropriate, Edward. It's not our fault you know what we're thinking. If you're so bothered by it, then maybe you should sit somewhere else, _with someone else_," Rosalie hissed.

The rest of my family turned and looked at her in shock. I was just as shocked. Where did _that_ come from? And moreover, why didn't Alice see it coming? Something in the back of my mind told me that if I had been paying any attention at all, I would have noticed Rosalie's anger building up all day.

"Since you decided that we obviously don't matter anymore, and that you're _in love_ with Bella," Rosalie continued, with venom in her voice, "you should go sit with her and her little friends."

People began filing into the cafeteria, but no one had noticed the tense situation at our table. Emmett met my eyes for a moment before turning away uncomfortably. He had seen this coming; he knew that Rosalie would eventually crack. He had tried to prevent it for as long as he could.

Jasper's mouth all but dropped open. He had heard Esme and Carlisle's conversation last night, like Rosalie, and had felt the happiness radiating off of me all day, but up until now, he refused to put those two facts together and accept what had happened. He _couldn't_ accept it. The idea was too foreign for him. How could I possibly fall in love with a _human_?

Alice was the most accepting of my decision, and she instantly came to my defense. "So what if he likes Bella?" Alice scoffed. Rosalie's rage soon turned to Alice. It was then that I realized what was bothering me so much.

Rosalie thought that our family was no longer important to me.

"All of you matter to me. I care about all of you. Why do you think that liking Bella changes the way I feel about my family, Rosalie?" I asked angrily.

"It changes _everything_, Edward," Rosalie snapped back. "If you cared about your family, you wouldn't be doing this! If you cared about us, you wouldn't be getting yourself in this mess. Do you realize what will happen if she finds out about us?!"

"I don't want to hurt any of you, Rosalie, but I can't help how I feel about Bella. Love is something that just happens. Besides, I am only going to be Bella's friend. I know how dangerous the other option is," I responded, frustrated. Yet there was a small, selfish, part of my mind was traitorously happy that Rosalie suggested that I sit with Bella. I had actually considered sitting with Bella before, but I didn't think my family would be pleased.

But if _Rosalie_ wanted me to sit Bella…

"Rose…" Emmett said patiently, but even he was not very happy about the situation. His thoughts were hard to decipher. There was a part of him that was happy that I had finally found someone, but the more dominant part of his mind was incredulous. He didn't believe that even a friendship between Bella and I would work out. After all, she _was_ only human.

_Edward, what are you playing at?_

I looked at my four siblings carefully, wondering what would happen if I asked Bella to sit _here_. I instantly shook that thought off. Between Rosalie's glare of fury and Jasper's inability to control himself, Bella would feel so uncomfortable that putting her through this situation would be like putting her through hell. I couldn't do that to Bella; she didn't deserve the wraith of my family.

I grew more irritated.

"I'm glad to find that all of you _so_ very accepting," I said sarcastically. "Nobody complained when Rosalie brought back a human covered in blood, but when I _consider_ talking to Bella…"

"Don't even _compare_ her to Emmett," Rosalie snapped furiously, "It will _never_ work Edward! Stop dreaming about things that will never happen! That's what you've been doing ever since you met Bella, Edward, _dreaming_. It's about time you get back to reality."

That was the last straw.

No one in my family was willing to believe that even a friendship between Bella and I was possible. For the first time in my life, I had found something truly beautiful, and now no one believed that I could ever have it. That it was even plausible for me to have it.

Fine. Let them think what they want to think. I decided right then that I would prove them wrong, because Bella was worth fighting for. And if I couldn't do that with my family supporting me, then I would do it alone.

"Fine!" I snapped abruptly. "Since you insist that I leave and sit with Bella, I will do just that." Not waiting for their response, I got up and left the table.

As I walked away, Emmett and Jasper, both shocked, wondered whether I would actually sit with Bella friends, people like Mike and Jessica. I was almost _their_ table when I turned away at the last moment and sat at an empty table. I saw Angela look up curiously, but she said nothing. I was grateful for that much anyways.

I figured that if I was going to sit away from my family to sit with Bella, I might as well have her all to myself. I snuck a quick glance back at my family to find Emmett and Jasper still shocked. Emmett was insisting that I come back through his thoughts. Alice was whispering harshly to Rosalie and Rosalie was arguing back furiously. Rosalie's eyes met mine for a moment and I saw the pain in them. She didn't expect me to choose Bella over my own family.

I was doing it again. Forcing my family to turn against each other.

I suddenly thought of Carlisle and his ideas about heaven and God. He thought that we still had a chance to be "saved".

I laughed humorlessly to myself. I had just left my family that had always supported me, despite what I had done in the past, to sit with a poor unsuspecting human alone. In God's eyes, if God even existed, I was probably making all the wrong choices.

If there had been any chance at all of being "saved", I had just killed it.

Oh well. If I was going to hell for betraying my family, then why stop there? I might as well sit with Bella alone, put an innocent human in danger, and go to hell thoroughly. It wasn't going to make a difference on judgment day anyways.

I sat alone patiently, twiddling my bottle cap between two fingers, avoiding curious human stares, waiting for Bella to come. Her presence would be a balm for my unwanted, useless thoughts.

I noticed her the moment she walked in. The scent in the air changed, it became sweeter, more luscious. I closed my eyes and breathed in, letting the venom flow excessively. Letting my body cry out. I opened my eyes, a small smile lighting my face.

I would not harm Bella right now. As long as I knew that, I could enjoy her scent without worry. I suppressed the urge to close my eyes and just breathe in again. It would only make resisting harder.

Whenever _her_ scent hit my brain, my mind automatically calculated the possibility of getting her blood, the probability of quenching my roaring desire, while ignoring all reason or humanity. Normally the call was nearly impossible to resist, knowing that Bella's blood was so close, so…alluring, and so easily accessible.

But in a cafeteria full of hundreds of students, the probability of getting Bella's blood and getting out unnoticed was minimal. This made it just barely possible to resist temptation. After all, a vampire's second instinct, after bloodlust, was survival. My eyes nearly closed again.

_So sweet._

As _she_ entered my line of vision, her eyes automatically fell on the table where my family was sitting. She looked at their table for a moment before her face fell. I grinned with pleasure.

The voice in the back of my head warned me to stay away from her, and hope that she didn't see me sitting alone at this table. I was dangerous. I could not deny that, nor could I deny that it would be unfair to keep this piece of information hidden from her. She had to understand the truth. She had to know that if she was going to be my friend, it might be the worst decision of her life.

I let the tips of my fingers massage my troubled mind.

From my side vision, I saw Lauren signal to Jessica. Even Bella would have noticed _that_ signal, if she chose to look up from her lemonade bottle at all. It was nowhere near subtle. Lauren's eyes were wide and she was frantically pointing at me.

_Oh God, it's Cullen! The gorgeous one! And he's by himself today! _

Jessica's eyes were glazed with happiness that only she could get from what she called in her mind _"good gossip"_. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at them. Reacting to them would only further their interest in the matter. Instead, I focused on Bella.

She was only wearing jeans and a tee shirt, but the simple outfit made her even more beautiful. She didn't need fancy clothes or what was in the latest fashion to look beautiful. I loved her even more for that. I didn't linger on what was under those clothes.

Vampire or not, I was still a man.

My eyes traveled to her face. Even in its sad expression, her eyes held depth. There was sadness in her eyes beyond the petty worries of high school. It was as though she had experienced the sorrows of the world, and now understood what the world was really like.

It was much like…like how I felt most of the time, looking at high school students, watching them worry about their next exam or who liked whom. In the end, would that really matter in the real world? Would what seems like the most important thing to a high school student make any real difference in the harsh realities of this world? I saw my answer agree with the answer in Bella's eyes.

She was not like others of her age. She was mesmerizing.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you again," Jessica said to Bella, her thoughts burning with curiosity, "I wonder why he's sitting alone today."

_I hope it's something good_

Bella's head instantly snapped up and her eyes met mine. I smiled at her and motioned for her to come sit with me. She continued to stare at me, her eyebrows raised in disbelief. Laughing, I winked at her to come join me. Jessica would understand that it wasn't an open invitation. I had made my opinions about her quite clear in the past.

"Does he mean _you_?" Jessica asked, barely keeping the jealousy and anger out of her voice. Bella took one look at the expression on Jessica's face and understood that Jessica was not happy that I was summoning Bella and not her.

"Maybe he needs help with his Biology homework," she muttered for Jessica's benefit, and I chuckled at the possibility of me ever need help on homework. Jessica was still staring in angry astonishment. Bella rolled her eyes, and made a quick good-bye before walking towards me. Jessica continued to stare as Bella walked away.

She walked to my table more quickly than she normally did and her heart rate shot up the closer she got to the table. When she reached the table, she stood behind the chair, unsure of what to do next.

"Why don't you sit with me today?" I asked, reassuringly.

She automatically sat down, but her eyes never left mine. We sat in silence, gazing at each other for sometime, until she looked away. The smell coming off of her was too invigorating to be real. It was almost surreal.

I was so sure that she would just disappear.

I gazed at her, waiting for her to say something.

"This is different," she finally managed, attempting a smile. Her body leaned forward in curiosity.

"Well…" I started, but then changed my mind. I reminded myself that I had planned on staying with the truth. "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly," I continued quickly, remembering Carlisle's idea that we were all going to be saved. And how I wasn't going to be saved after what I had just done.

Bella raised an eyebrow in confusion, but said nothing in response. We continued to gaze at each other in silence.

The table where Bella normally sat, however, was anything but silent. It was unusual, having all of their thoughts focused on me at once. Normally it was just one or two people, wishfully thinking. The last time a massive amount of thoughts were focused on me, it was towards the beginning of the year, when we had just arrived. Even then, my entire family received that attention, not just me. There thoughts were blaringly obvious.

_Ugh, Bella. She's so annoying! Why would Cullen want to talk to her? Why would anyone want to talk to her? Maybe they all pity her…_

_Questions about Biology? Yeah, right! Everyone knows Cullen's like, a genius or something. She better dish after lunch, that little undeserving…_

_I hate Cullen…I hate Cullen…I hate Cullen…I hate Cullen…_

_What does Cullen think he's doing!? He has no right to take Bella from me! He does know that she's going to prom with me, right? He's such a self-absorbed, unsocial guy anyways! Why would Bella ever want to…_

_What the hell?! She's my friend damn it! He's going to find out just how bad of an idea stealing Bella from me was! He won't touch her again after I'm done with him…_

I chuckled quietly. That was the problem with these high school children. They thought too much of themselves. Would they ever realize that they weren't the center of the world?

I tilted my head to side until I made eye contact with Mike, who had been staring at Bella's back for a full five minutes. He winced when his eyes met mine, but he didn't look away. I flashed my razor sharp teeth at him in a mock smile, and his eyes instantly widened in fear.

"You know I don't have any idea what you mean," Bella finally pointed out, breaking through my thoughts.

"I know." I smiled genuinely at Bella, but my eyes never left Mike's. "I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you," I said, smirking at Mike again. His heart rate at shot up significantly, and he was reconsidering his plan to "fight" me after school. I smiled smugly.

"They'll survive," she muttered. She didn't even bother turning around.

"I may not give you back, though," I said, finally breaking eye contact with Mike. I smiled at her wickedly.

She gave me an over exaggerated gulp.

I laughed. "You sound worried."

"No," she said smiling, but her eyes were more serious, recognizing a subtle truth in my words. "Surprised, actually…what brought all this on?"

"I told you – I got tired of trying to stay away from you," I answered more quietly. "So I'm giving up." I kept a smile on my face with some effort. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Giving up?" she repeated, confused.

"Yes – giving up trying to be good," I continued. Giving up doing what was best for everyone. "I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may," I added with no humor left in my voice. I glanced at my family with a small frown. What would happen if the chips fell the wrong way? What would happen if what Rosalie said would happen, happened? If Bella found out?

Or worse…if Bella got hurt?

"You lost me again."

I smiled at her again. What would happen if she understood what I was talking about right now?

"I always say too much when I'm talking to you, " I confessed. "That's one of the problems."

"Don't worry – I don't understand any of it," she replied wryly, but her eyes were filled with curiosity.

"I'm counting on that."

"So, in plain English, are we friends now?"

"Friends…" I mused. Was I ready for this? Looking into Bella's eyes, not knowing what she was thinking, was…exciting. There was rarely anything that humans did that surprised me anymore. Bella was the exception. If she became my friend now, would I be able to let go of her later? Would she still be safe?

"Or not," she muttered sarcastically. I laughed, knowing how aggravated I must be making her.

"Well, we can try, I suppose," I replied offhandedly.

_Would she still be safe?_

I had to warn her. I had to try. Even if my life, my existence, was demolished by my warning, I had to try. Her safety meant more than my life.

"But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you."

There was a pause.

"You say that a lot," she finally said, with effort.

Did she finally believe me? I doubted it. She leaned closer, as though trying to solve a puzzle. It was hard to explain the situation to her, especially when I truly did not want her to know the truth. I tried again anyways.

"Yes, because you're not listening to me. I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me," I warned again.

"I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too," she answered, her eyes narrowing.

I smiled apologetically. That was not my intent.

"So," she said, struggling for words, "as long as I'm being…not smart, we'll try to be friends?"

"That sounds about right." I grinned at her. I felt a certain guilty pleasure that she was still sitting here, despite my warning.

_Selfish and cruel_, my conscience replayed.

Bella looked down at her lemonade bottle. I continued to gaze at her.

What was she thinking? There was a look of concentration on her face, but her heartbeat was finally normal. Was she thinking about me?

Or maybe I was being too self-centered. Maybe she wasn't thinking about me at all. She could be thinking about anything. She might be wondering about they rest of her day, or what she was planning on doing when she got home. She could even be wondering about her mother.

Last night, before she said my name, she had been mumbling about her mother. She was worried about her. I wondered how her mother would react if she knew that she was spending her time with someone like me.

Bella was still looking down at her bottle, still deep in thought. I couldn't help but ask.

"What are you thinking?"

She looked up into my eyes.

"I'm trying to figure out what you are," she answered truthfully.

My body went rigid, barely maintaining a smile. So she was thinking about me. This didn't make me feel any better. I was too afraid that if she found out, I might lose her.

_Not that I deserved to have her._

"Are you having any luck with that?" I asked, trying to sound unconcerned.

"Not too much," she admitted, smiling sheepishly.

I automatically smiled back at her.

"What are your theories?"

She blushed, and for once I was glad that she paused and looked away. My body clenched and the monster snarled angrily, attempting to break free. My mind retaliated. _Get used to this. Bella blushes a lot._ I clenched my teeth and tried to focus on something else, anything else. Like getting Bella to say a theory. From her reaction, I presumed that it would be amusing to hear one of them.

"Won't you tell me?" I asked, forcing my voice to sound gentle. I tilted my head to one side, coercing her into telling me what she thought of me.

She shook her head. "Too embarrassing."

I glanced at her in frustration. If this was anyone but Bella…

"That's _really_ frustrating, you know," I accidentally blurted out.

Her eyes narrowed. Her lips didn't tighten, but instead loosened, as though she was going to burst any moment. I grimaced, knowing that I had set myself up for whatever would come next.

"No," she began, "I can't _imagine_ why that would be frustrating at all – just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean…now, why would that be frustrating?"

I grimaced again. I should have seen this coming.

"Or better," she continued with a spirit much like one of Alice's torrent's, "say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things – from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating," she ended heatedly.

"You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?" I asked sarcastically.

"I don't like double standards."

At least she did not have Alice's advantage of not needing to breathe. She glared at me. I gazed back at her, unsmiling.

I took her words into deep consideration. I had not realized that my actions had so deeply affected her too.

Bella had not exactly been loud, but the anger on her face had been quite evident. It was clear enough for Tyler Crowley to notice across the cafeteria.

_What did Cullen do to her? She's fuming! That guy's not even letting her eat! That's it! I've seen this long enough. It's time that I go over and break up their fight and give Cullen a good talking to…or more like a punch in the face since Mike chickened out. Wimp! Besides, she's practically my girlfriend! She's going with me to prom!_

I looked over Bella's shoulder to see Tyler glaring at me, his jaw clenching and unclenching. He thought he could stare me down, did he? Why not give him a taste of his own medicine? I smirked. It would be a small amount of amusement in a day of terrible boredom.

Don't goad him, Edward… I turned my head over my shoulder for a moment to catch a concerned expression on Alice's face. Tyler would end up tripping over his own shoes while trying to "break up" our argument. He would get a bloody nose. Edward, please don't do anything. For Jasper… I sighed, and let my shoulders slump. Alice smiled, and silently thanked me. I shrugged and glanced back at Tyler. Mike was whispering to Tyler frantically, warning him that I was probably more dangerous than he thought I was. Tyler scoffed, unconcerned, and assured Mike that he could take me down any day. As Tyler began to get up, his eyes met mine and I glared back at him with just enough intensity to scare him off. Tyler slumped back down on his seat. I chuckled. 

"What?" Bella questioned suspiciously.

"Your _boyfriend_ seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you – he's debating whether or not to come break up our fight," I answered, smirking. I glanced over Bella's shoulder again to see Tyler fuming, but he no longer had the courage to get up.

_Damn it! I don't want to scare Bella with my… beastly fighting skills…I guess this will have to wait until later. Watch out for me Cullen. Watch out._

I laughed openly.

"I don't know who you're talking about," she snapped frostily, "But I'm sure you're wrong, anyway."

"I'm not," I insisted, "I told you, most people are easy to read."

"Except me, of course."

Ah, she still remembered. And I still had no clue as to why.

"Yes. Except for you…I wonder why that is," I murmured, serious. I gazed back into her eyes, wanting her mind to suddenly connect with mine.

She looked away and took a sip of her lemonade bottle. I remembered Tyler saying that I wasn't letting her eat. I didn't think she was hungry; her stomach patterns were just fine. But just to be sure…

"Aren't you hungry," I asked.

"No," she replied casually, "You?"

Was I hungry for school food? Human food? No. I had…_different_ hungers.

"No, I'm not hungry," I replied, chuckling at the irony in that statement. We were always hungry. She looked at me curiously for a moment, before asking something.

"Can you do me a favor?" she asked, hesitant.

I glanced at her warily, hoping she wasn't requesting something that would give me away. I look at her suspiciously.

"That depends on what you want?"

"It's not much," she assured me. I frowned, but I was still curious.

"I just wondered…if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared," she said softly, looking down. I smiled, and tried not to laugh at that request. It would be an easy promise to keep anyways. I wasn't planning on ever ignoring her again.

"That sounds fair," I said gently.

"Thanks."

"Then can I have one answer in return?" I asked. I knew I was cheating just a little bit to fulfill my curiosity, but that didn't seem so important.

"One."

"Tell me _one_ theory." I grinned triumphantly.

"Not that one." She was exasperated. I looked at her face and repeatedly told myself not to give in to her pleading expression.

"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer," I reminded her.

"And you've broken promises yourself," she retorted.

"Just one theory – I won't laugh," I said solemnly, trying to hide a smile.

"Yes, you will," she answered stubbornly.

I leaned forward and fixed my eyes on her, letting her feel their intensity. "Please," I said gently, breathing on her face. She did a double take and blinked.

"Er, what?" she asked, dazed.

"Please tell me just one little theory," I asked again, hoping to convey some of my need to listen to her hidden thoughts.

"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider," she divulged, still dazed.

"That's not very creative," I scoffed. Stolen right out of Spiderman.

"I'm sorry, that's all I've got," she answered, miffed, and apparently embarrassed that she had actually given in to my request.

"You're not even close," I teased. She rolled her eyes.

"No spiders?"

"Nope."

"And no radioactivity?"

"None." I smirked.

"Dang." She sighed.

"Kryptonite doesn't bother me, either," I laughed, seeing where this was going.

"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?" she scoffed.

I tried to compose my face again, but failed miserably. She scowled.

"I'll figure it out eventually," she warned.

"I wish you wouldn't try." I became serious again. As long as she thought I was the good guy, she would stay with me. What would happen if she found out I was the bad guy? The monster?

"Because…?"

"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" I smiled at her playfully, but the playfulness couldn't touch the truth of matter. What happens to the bad guy who falls in love with the heroine?

"Oh," she said, comprehension lighting her eyes, "I see."

Did she really understand? Suddenly I was worried again. Had I said too much?

"Do you?" I said warily, attempting not to show what affect fate was having on me. I attempted to keep the harshness off of my face. We were not destined to be. She would leave me now, realizing what I really was.

"Your dangerous?" she asked, as though she was still confused, but she knew the truth in her own words. Her pulse quickened as realization hit. Though I couldn't read into her mind, I could practically feel the nerve signals that were being sent throughout her body. Signaling fear.

And all I could think was that she was going to leave me here. That she was going leave. I hadn't the slightest inkling about her thoughts, but even then I knew. She would learn the truth. And my world would be destroyed.

Bella was glancing at my face, and this time I was forced to put my head down. There was realization on her face, and another emotion that I did not fully understand. It wasn't fear.

But if she understood that I was dangerous, then why hadn't she already left?

"But not bad," she whispered soothingly. "No, I don't believe that you're bad." I looked up in astonishment. Did she really think I was dangerous, but not _bad_? Her eyes were still focused on my face. She believed what she said.

"You're wrong," I murmured, so softy that I doubted that she heard me at all. Bella probably thought this because she did not know me; she did not know what I was capable of.

She had no idea how many murders I had committed, how many lives I had destroyed. It wasn't only the innocent. In killing one, I ruined the lives of many. I ruined the lives of the children, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, and the _families_ of those I killed. And I regretted nothing. No amount of atonement could make up for what I had done in the past.

Bella was wrong. I had torn apart families with my hunger, and even now I was tearing apart my own family. How could I _not_ be bad?

And after all of this, did I really believe I could be a friend of Bella's? How had I deluded myself into that idea? It was just as Rosalie said would happen, I was finally coming back to my senses. Rosalie was right.

_Being with Bella was just really a figment of my imagination. _

On cue, Bella instantly jumped up.

"We're going to be late," she exclaimed.

"I'm not going to class today," I found myself saying. My eyes stayed down on the bottle cap I was twirling. My mind was elsewhere, formulating plans.

Ignoring Bella again would be excruciatingly difficult, but not impossible. And if I couldn't handle that, then I could always leave Forks. But that would bring up the problem of convincing my family to stay here. It would be appalling to force my entire family to move again…

"Why not?" Bella questioned, breaking through my thoughts.

"It's healthy to ditch class now and then." I finally looked up at her, and she frowned in response. She must be wondering what the quickest way was to leave my presence. I didn't blame her.

"Well, I'm going," she replied. A faraway part of my mind replied something unimportant back to her, while a more prominent part of my mind focused at the matter on hand. A third part of my mind went back to the bottle cap. It was twirling much too fast. Beyond human speed.

Bella finally got up and left, leaving me to my thoughts.

There was a moment of silence.

And then suddenly the blast of voices returned to the more prominent part of my mind. When I was talking to Bella, their "voices" had been shoved into another part of my mind, but now that there was nothing else to concentrate on, the voices came back with full force.

_Cullen and Swan! But she's repulsive! Okay, maybe not repulsive, but definitely not worth…_

I automatically growled at the insult at Bella. She was certainly the most captivating human I had ever rested my eyes on. She was utterly stubborn, and opinionated, yet so attractive and understanding at the same time.

I hoped she would understand when I explained my need to be removed from temptation. After all, I _had_ promised to warn her. But she would get over me; after all, she was only human. Humans easily changed.

The students at Forks clearly were as bored of the lunch period as my entire family was, otherwise they would have found something else to focus their attention on rather than Bella and I. We seemed to be the main topic of conversation. Obsessive children, I scoffed.

Oh my god! I wonder if anyone else noticed them. Are they officially… If Bella sees me beating Cullen, she'll probably fall for me instead… Haha! Too bad for Tyler, his girl's with Cullen! 

I clutched my head from the pain of an on coming headache. I needed to get out. I needed to leave this school full of students that thought that Bella and I were…something we could never be. Never.

I walked out of the cafeteria doors with more poise than I expected. I walked right out the back doors and into the parking lot. I passed several classrooms on my way out, and as I passed each classroom, every single teacher glanced up and looked in my direction. And then looked directly back down. They all had an unspoken rule about my family's frequent absences.

_Ignore it_.

This was not very difficult for them to do. All of us had brilliantly clean records and we always acted impeccably in school. Not to mention that we always caught up on our work and we maintained fairly good grades. The grades couldn't be perfect though; that would look suspicious. After all, we were only imperfect human beings.

I smiled to myself. It also helped that we were quite physically appealing, when we chose to be.

The truth was that we cut class so often that, if we were not vampires, we would have been kicked out of this school a long time ago. On the rare day that it was sunny, we were forced to stay out of human site. Because humans often did stupid things and had ridiculous ideas, skipping class was something of a daily event.

Today's biology class was one of these ridiculous human ideas.

Today was the Biology teacher's idea of a "fun" class. Because of the Red Cross blood drive in Port Angeles, Mr. Banner insisted that everyone find out his or her blood type. Alice had summarized that the class would be, more or less, several students pricking their fingers aimlessly and trying to draw out blood. This might have been a difficult, but tolerable, situation if I could somehow exempt myself from the activity. It would be hard to explain why the micro-lancet barb snapped every time I tried to pierce my skin.

And then there was Bella. I could not imagine myself watching Bella prick her skin and draw out blood. I didn't need to put myself in that situation to know how I would react to Bella's open wound. Her fresh open blood. The monster shuddered in eager anticipation.

I pulled myself out of that train of thought quickly. There was no way I could have remained in that classroom and remained humane at the same time.

Shaking my head, I walked in the direction of my Volvo. I attempted to block out all the human thoughts about Bella and I, but the task was nearly impossible. I needed music.

Music was not only soothing, but also the best source of distraction. If I could concentration on every beat and rhythm of each individual instrument in the symphony, then I could push the human thoughts to the back of my mind. It was the best solution, and it had yet to fail me.

But, sitting in the car, all I could think of was Bella. Her sweet smell, her invigorating smile, and her keen mind. But as keen and unusual as her mind was, even she wouldn't be able to understand and accept me as a vampire. Nor did I expect her to. After all, she was still only a human. I didn't expect any human anywhere at anytime to accept me for what I was. I had barely learned to accept myself for who I was.

I shouldn't be giving Bella any special attention, despite my feelings for her. No, I shouldn't do this _especially_ because of my feelings for her. I shouldn't let her go to Seattle with me and endanger herself. True, I had warned her, but clearly she hadn't understood the implications of what that meant. Otherwise she would have already canceled our plans.

Should I cancel our plans for her? I could easily come up with an excuse. I could be sick, or busy, or even just uninterested in going to Seattle that day.

I grimaced. The idea of lying to Bella, yet again, was incredibly unappealing. And even then, I had a feeling that Bella would see right through my lies. She was too intuitive for her own good. This left me in a state of turmoil.

I had had an epiphany in the dingy unsanitary cafeteria, but the effects of it had apparently not settled in yet. I had realized that I could never be a friend of Bella because I was not worth even that much. Yet, despite this realization, I was not falling into despair. Nor was my mind willing to form any plans to avoid Bella.

And then another epiphany hit me.

Evidently, I was not worth Bella's attention, nor her friendship. But I could not, not would not, but _could not_ risk what I had already formed with Bella. Rosalie believed that Bella and I together was an impossibility. Fine. But I would be _damned_, assuming I was not already _damned_ to hell, before I let what I already had with Bella slip out my hands. I would "live in the moment," as humans called it. I would enjoy the time I had with Bella now, before it was gone in the future.

I had come to realize that it would be impossible to avoid Bella, not because Bella would not be able to leave me alone, but because I would not be able to leave Bella alone. I would not be able to watch her live her life out with someone else, knowing that there was something I could have done. I was too selfish to let that opportunity slide by. For once, I was going to let my emotions overrule common sense.

Love indeed does make people do selfish things.

I finally realized what it meant to be in love.

So I wouldn't lie to Bella about the Seattle plan. A sense of satisfaction spread through me. I could go with Bella to Seattle, and keep her safe. And then I could drop Bella home, laughing, and go home myself. I could actually have a _normal_ day out, like all the other humans around me. That idea was most pleasant thing I had thought of all day.

Smiling to myself, I leaned my head back against the headrest.

A moment later, my head shot up, reacting to the new smell in my surroundings. It was the scent of Bella, not in Biology, but quite nearby. I instantly became alert of my surroundings. And then I was filled with horror.

In order to go to Seattle with Bella, not only did I need to be in control of my desires, but Bella also needed to be _alive_. Through the cold dreary mist of Forks, it didn't appear that Bella was in any condition to go anywhere. She was lying down on the sidewalk with her cheek pressed against cement and her eyes closed, looking quite sick. Mike was standing next to her nervously, like an idiot.

Bella moaned in pain, and I realized that I was already out of the car and walking in her direction. Fury and fear overclouded my emotions. Mike Newton had a good thirty seconds to do something to help her up before I pummeled him for standing around and doing nothing. Then another thought hit me.

_What did he do to her?_

"Wow, you're green, Bella," Mike said nervously. He let his hands reach out to her hesitantly, and instantly pulled them back when she groaned again.

It was too late. Mike Newton lost his chance to do something. Now it was my turn to take over.

"Bella?" I called out to her. Her body froze in shock, but her heart rate shot up instantly. I decided I would spare Mike Newton from pain just long enough to find out what was happening.

"What's wrong – is she hurt?" I asked, my fear for her safety showing in my voice. I turned to him angrily, demanding an answer. Mike recoiled in fear and instantly blurted out everything he knew.

"I think she's fainted. I don't know what happened, she didn't even stick her finger," he exclaimed. I glared at him. He pulled even further away.

_I swear I didn't do anything Cullen, don't hurt me please! I'll do anything; just don't mess up this beautiful face!_

I rolled my eyes. Mike Newton wasn't even worth the effort.

But it was good to know that Bella had not participated in the ridiculous activity, nor had she been hurt. At least I wouldn't have to deal with the temptation of her blood. But it was funny, Bella's evident fear of blood. I nearly laughed. I lived off of blood, and Bella couldn't stand the smell of it.

"Bella," I called out again, this time leaning down right next to her ear, "Can you hear me?"

"No," she groaned. "Go away."

I laughed, relieved. If she still had petulance in her voice, then she couldn't be seriously hurt. Mike's fear was instantly replaced with jealousy.

"I was taking her to the nurse," Mike explained defensively, "but she wouldn't go any farther."

What was I supposed to do? 

What was he supposed to do? Nothing, now that I had arrived. I would be able to handle Bella much better than he ever could. I smirked in his direction.

"I'll take her," I said pleasantly, "You can go back to class."

He looked from my smirk to Bella, and was instantly suspicious.

"No," Mike protested. "I'm supposed to do it."

I was no longer paying attention to him. I picked up Bella easily from the sidewalk, since it appeared that she was not going to get up herself, and began walking in the direction of the Nurse's office, as was protocol. Bella's eyes flew open in shock. For Mike and Bella's sake, I tried to make it look as though it was taking some amount of effort, but my grip on Bella's body never slackened. I felt a slight jolt run up my spine as the warmth of Bella's skin hit my cold body.

"Put me down!" Bella nearly shrieked. I laughed.

Mike, who just realized that Bella was no longer with him, called out to her. We were much farther away from him, despite the fact that I was carrying Bella.

"You look awful," I told her. Her open deep brown eyes automatically set off my grin. Her eyes flashed annoyance for a moment before she clutched her stomach in nausea again.

"Put me back on the sidewalk," she moaned. Suddenly realizing that rocking her against my body was not helping her nausea, I pulled her away from my body and held her stiffly in my arms so she would not rock. She clamped her eyes shut again. I couldn't help but grin; Bella was in my arms and quite safe, despite what I had thought earlier.

"So you faint at the sight of blood?" I said, unable to keep the humor out of my voice. What a team we would make. She couldn't stand the smell of blood, and I had to work to stay away from it. Utter opposites.

She clamped her lips together.

"And not even your own blood." I smirked at her, knowing that if her eyes were open, they would show evident annoyance.

We reached the Main Building, where the Nurse's Office was, fairly quickly. Opening the door was only a minor problem. Not wanting to scare every human inside the building with my enhanced strength, I opted to kick the door open rather than hold all of Bella's weight easily in one hand. Ms. Cope, the receptionist, gasped when I opened door and carried in a nearly passed out Bella.

"She fainted in Biology," I explained to her, and then carried Bella past the front counter of the main desk into the Nurse's Office. Ms. Cope instantly rushed to open the door for me, and in my exuberance, I smiled back at her. Her heart fluttered.

I clutched Bella tighter and focused on putting her on the brown vinyl mattress of the one cot in the Nurse's Office. After I put Bella down, I moved myself to the farthest corner of the room, and focused solely on Bella. I didn't want to know what was running through Ms. Cope's mind. Her thoughts came through anyways.

He's only seventeen…he's only seventeen…he's only seventeen… 

I sighed in relief; at least that was all that she was thinking. I had endured worse. I turned to Bella who was glancing with me with avid curiosity and annoyance. That was the second time she was forced to be in a sick bed while I was perfectly healthy and watching her. I grinned at her. The nurse looked between Bella and I, utterly shocked.

"She's just a little faint," I reassured the startled nurse. "They're blood typing in Biology." Recognition of a familiar situation lit the nurse's mind.

"There's always one," the nurse said sagely.

Poor Bella couldn't handle blood. I barely muffled a laugh. Oh Bella.

"Just lie down for a minute, honey; it'll pass," the nurse told Bella in a motherly manner.

"I know," Bella sighed.

"Does this happen a lot?" the nurse inquired. Bella paused for a moment.

"Sometimes," she finally admitted.

I coughed to hide a laugh. The whole situation was still hysterical. The nurse turned her attention back to me in disapproval.

"You can go back to class now," she told me.

I could go back to my car. Or I could stay and watch over Bella and let the situation play out. It was evident which would be the more amusing option.

"I'm supposed to stay with her," I answered her in an authoritative matter. The nurse was not happy with the situation, but argued the matter no further.

Because of my acute sense of hearing, I heard Mike enter the Main Office before Ms. Cope did. He was fuming. The whole situation just became much funnier. I grinned at his thoughts while the nurse went to get some ice for Bella.

_Damn Cullen! Why does he always do that? Every time I get a moment alone with Bella, he ruins it! What have I ever done to him? I HATE him!_

Bella broke through Mike Newton's thoughts.

"You were right," Bella moaned, closing her eyes again.

"I usually am –," I told her cheekily, "but what in particular this time?"

"Ditching _is_ healthy," she muttered.

I laughed, but I couldn't deny the fear I felt in those moments. For a second, I had thought that Bella was…dead. I could barely even bring myself to think of that idea.

"You scared me for a minute there," I finally admitted, "I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the words."

"Ha ha," she commented sarcastically. I smiled at her. She was becoming more like her normal self.

"Honestly," I joked," I've seen corpses with better color. I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder." It was best not to let her know that, had she actually been seriously injured, I would have killed Newton.

"Poor Mike," she laughed, "I'll bet he's mad."

"He absolutely loathes me," I said cheerfully. His thoughts were only too obvious; his jealousy fueled his hatred. It was hilarious.

"You can't know that," she argued, but there was an underlying suspicion.

"I saw his face – I could tell," I told her, instantly on guard.

"How did you see me? I thought you were ditching?" she questioned. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Whenever she got the chance, she interrogated me. At least she was intelligent to notice something other than my face, I thought, vividly remembering the reaction of several other females. And this time, I could tell her the truth.

"I was in my car, listening to a CD," I answered. Bella didn't seem to be satisfied with my answer. Before she could comment, the nurse came in and put a cold compressor across Bella's forehead.

"Here you go, dear," she smiled. "You're looking better."

"I think I'm fine," Bella replied, but the moment she got up she stumbled. The nurse frowned at her, but in that moment, Ms. Cope stuck her head in.

"We've got another one," she warned.

And then the smell hit me. I was surprised that it hadn't hit me before. The smell of human blood. The venom flowed strongly and smell was unavoidable in the cramped little room. I struggled with humanity for a moment, before I noticed Bella standing next to me completely unaware of the bout of nausea she was going to get again.

"Oh no…go out to the office, Bella," I firmly asserted. Bella looked up at me, confused. It was hard to exercise patience in such a tense situation.

"Trust me – go."

And surprisingly, Bella actually listened to me and bolted out of the door. I was right behind her. Mike frowned. The moment he came in the door with a bleeding Lee Stephens, Bella left the room. That was not what he wanted.

Once we were out of the Nurse's Office, it became much easier to keep my breathing in control.

"You actually listened to me," I commented, surprised.

"I smelled the blood," Bella explained, wrinkling her nose.

"People can't smell blood," I contradicted. I was quite sure of this. A human's sense of smell was not that acute.

"Well, I can," she disagreed, "– that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust…and salt."

I gazed at her. That was not…very far off from the smell of actual smell of blood. The only difference was that we vampires found the smell excruciatingly appealing. Bella never failed to amaze me.

"What?" Bella asked, trying to find the source of my searching expression.

"It's nothing."

Mike came through the door just then, not caring about Lee Stephens enough to stay with him while his wounds were mended. In fact, the only reason that Mike agreed to take Lee Stephens to the Nurse's Office was that it gave him a reason to visit Bella. Ms. Cope would not allow more than one visitor at a time in the Nurse's Office. Nor would she listen to Mike's complaints that _he_ was the one that was supposed to take Bella to Nurse's Office, not me.

Mike took one hate-filled look at me before glancing back at Bella. Bella was still looking at me. Mike's shoulders visibly slumped. I smirked at Mike behind his back.

"_You_ look better," Mike snapped at Bella, his anger coming out on her.

"Just keep your hand in your pocket," Bella warned him.

"It's not bleeding anymore," Mike muttered. "Are you going back to class?"

That was a question with an obvious answer.

"Are you kidding? I'd just have to turn around and come back…"

But Mike was no longer listening. His face lit up as he suddenly realized that he had an advantage over me. Bella had still agreed to go to the beach with him…and a group of friends. I frowned. I doubted I was invited to this "party," and even if I was, I wouldn't be able to go. I had promised to go hunting with Emmett this weekend.

Mike thought the best way to put me off guard was to confirm that Bella was going to the beach with him. I leaned against the wall, feigning boredom.

"Yeah, I guess…So are you going this weekend? To the beach?" Mike turned to glare at me, and I turned away, pretending to not be interested in what they were discussing. I wouldn't give Mike the satisfaction of having an advantage over me.

"Sure, I said I was in," Bella replied, unenthusiastically. I smirked.

"We're meeting at my dad's store, at ten." His eyes flickered to me again, wondering if I would dare to show up uninvited. I hadn't considered it until then, but seeing Mike's expression if I did show up just might be worth the effort…

"I'll be there," Bella promised.

"I'll see you in Gym, then," Mike said, after a moment, finding nothing else to say to Bella. He did not want to leave Bella alone with me. I gave him a quick wave and smirked at him as he walked out the door. I turned back to Bella.

"Gym," Bella groaned.

That wouldn't be a problem. Getting Bella out of spending Gym with Mike Newton would be my pleasure.

"I can take care of that. Go site down and look pale," I whispered in Bella's ear. Bella nodded and sat down on the bench looking pale. It seemed to come effortlessly for her. I walked to the counter to Ms. Cope.

"Ms. Cope?" I asked softly.

"Yes?" she responded, but didn't dare to look up.

"Bella has Gym next hour, and I don't think she feels well enough. Actually, I was thinking I should take her home now. Do you think you could excuse her from class?" I asked again, in a low soft voice.

Oh God…that voice. God forgive me for my sins… 

"Do you need to be excused, too, Edward?" she cooed.

"No, I have Mrs. Goff, she won't mind." Mrs. Goff reacted to me in the same manner that Ms. Cope reacted to me. She was excited if I showed up to her class at all.

"Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better, Bella," she called out to Bella. Bella gave an overacted weak nod. I raised my eyebrows at her. Ms. Cope turned back to her work, praying to God for her sinful thoughts.

"Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" I whispered with sarcastic humor.

"I'll walk."

I opened the door for her and gave her a polite smile. Clearly recognizing my satirical humor, Bella huffed out. I smiled and followed behind her.

The mist outside had gotten even thicker. Alice said that the weather would clear up by the weekend though. I hoped it wouldn't. A dampened forecast would put a damper on a beach trip.

"Thanks," Bella said once outside, "It's almost worth getting sick to miss Gym."

"Anytime," I replied, wondering if Alice could have possibly been wrong about the weather. It looked like it was going to pour, not clear up.

"So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" Bella asked.

I thought about it for a moment. Did Bella want me to go? Or was she simply asking to see whether I was going or not? The idea of Bella wanting me to go to this beach trip made it much more appealing. Even then, there would be problems. There were very few beaches near Forks where we were actually allowed on. Most of the beaches were down in La Push. Forbidden territory.

"Where are you all going, exactly?" I asked carefully.

"Down to La Push, to First Beach." I kept a straight face. I wouldn't be able to go on this little human beach trip. And if the weather really did clear up, I wouldn't have been able to go anyways, regardless of the location. My disappointment was easily hidden. I smiled wryly at Bella.

"I really don't think I was invited."

"I just invited you."

Ah, so she had wanted me to come. Perhaps it was better that I couldn't make it. Spending too much time with Bella was probably not the best idea. I came up with another excuse.

"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap." I smiled wickedly, imagining Mike's face if I did show up.

"Mike-schmike," Bella muttered, intending to be quiet, but it was clear to my ears. I enjoyed Bella's neglect of Mike much more than I should have.

We were in the parking lot now. To my surprise, Bella turned away from me and in the direction of her truck. I grabbed her jacket to keep her in place. Did she really think I would let her drive after her fainting spell? Friends did _not_ do that to their friends.

"Where do you think you're going?"

She was confused. "I'm going home." She raised her eyebrows at me.

Not by herself. I didn't get very many chances in my human lifetime to be a good friend to someone, and I wasn't going to miss that chance now.

"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" I asked, indignant. Just because I appeared aloof didn't mean that I didn't know common courtesy.

"What condition? And what about my truck?" she asked, glancing longingly back at her truck. I grabbed her jacket, careful not to grab her arm too tightly, and dragged her towards the Volvo. She wouldn't have been escape even if she tried.

"Let go!" she insisted, but I didn't leave her until she was safely standing next to the passenger door of the Volvo. I unlocked the door deftly with one hand, and got in the car in seconds. It was now pouring and I didn't enjoy standing out in the rain. Bella hadn't moved yet.

"You are so _pushy_!" she grumbled.

"It's open," I told her. I was already in the driver's side.

"I am perfectly capable of driving myself home!" she fumed. She crossed her arms outside the passenger door, making it perfectly clear that she was not getting in the car. I lowered the passenger door window.

"Get in, Bella." I sighed impatiently.

Bella stood stubbornly still. I caught her looking furtively back at her car, and guessed her plan. I frowned. I wouldn't have had to guess her plan, if her mind was like everyone else's. Then again, I would not be in this situation with Bella if her mind were like everyone else's.

"I'll just drag you back," I threatened.

She pouted, but finally gave in. Once she was in the car, her arms were crossed again, and I could tell that she fully intended to give me the silent treatment. She broke out of her silence for only once.

"This is completely unnecessary," Bella said stiffly. I ignored her anger for a moment and fiddled with the controls. My family never used the heat dial, because we never were cold, and it took me a moment to remember that Bella needed the heat. I put on the music that I had been listening to before I saw Bella on the sidewalk and turned down the volume so that it was background music for Bella's ears. It was perfectly audible for my ears.

"Clair de Lune?" Bella commented, surprised.

I was just as surprised. Since when did 17-year-old high school girls start listening to classical music?

"You know Debussy?" I said, equally surprised.

"Not well," she admitted, "My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house – I only know my favorites."

"It's one of my favorites, too," I murmured softly. It was nice to have this connection with Bella. It was so…normal. For a moment, I nearly felt human.

Neither of us needed to talk to feel comfortable around each other. I was more interested in the sound of Bella's heartbeat than I was in the music. It was equally soothing, surprisingly slow and steady. While listening to Bella's heartbeat, I forgot that she was not used to driving at my speed. I drove at the same speed I always drove at for some time, and when I saw that she didn't mind the speed, I continued driving at that speed. I glanced at Bella.

She was looking out the window, her legs curled to her chest. Her appearance was completely relaxed, and she had soft beauty about her. I almost leaned in towards her, almost touched her with the tips of my fingers. Almost.

Think of anything else, I thought to myself, think of anything but the luscious scent coming off of her, the scent that that could only be described as Bella. Think about anything other than those soft lips that were so full, so relaxed.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't fight both my temptations for Bella's blood and Bella at the same time. I was growing weaker every second. I was filled with urges I had never felt before. Urges that could only be described as hunger, but it was not hunger for her blood. Suddenly I was afraid that my hunger would take over. Not my hunger for her blood. My other hungers. My wants. My desires.

Bella reflection in the window smiled. Her smile was simple. Innocent.

Lips tightening, I looked away and strengthened my resolve.

Bella heard Debussy from her mother. Did her mother generally listen to classical, or did she only have some favorites like Bella? I wondered if there was anything else I had in common with Bella's mother. If I ever met Bella's mother, would I get more of an insight into Bella?

"What is your mother like?" I asked quietly. I turned to face Bella.

Bella glanced in my direction, her face still serene.

"She looks a lot like me, but she's prettier." I raised my eyebrows. I doubted anyone was more beautiful than Bella. Sensing my doubt, Bella explained.

"I have too much Charlie in me. She's more outgoing than I am, and braver. She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend." She stopped talking abruptly. The pain of being separated from her mother was evident in her voice.

Bella's best friend was her mother. Her mother was physically older than her, but it was clear that Bella was truly the older one in their family of two. Bella took care of her mother, loved her, _cared_ for her.

Who exactly was Bella Swan?

"How old are you, Bella?" I asked, an edge of frustration in my voice. I had yet to discover why Bella was the way she was.

We had reached Bella's house. She made no motion to leave.

"I'm seventeen," Bella responded simply.

"You don't seem seventeen," I remarked, slightly reproachful.

Bella laughed. Why was she laughing now?

"What?"

"My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." Bella laughed again, but then sighed. "Well, someone has to be the adult." She paused and looked at me for a moment. "You don't seem so much like a junior yourself, " she noted.

A hundred and seventeen-year-old generally did not have the same mentality as a seventeen year old. I decided not to get into that with Bella. I wanted to know more about Bella, and the best place to begin was with her family history.

"So why did your mother marry Phil?" I asked, remembering what she told me in Biology class that one-day so long ago. Bella was silent for a moment.

"My mother…" Bella began, with a curious tone, "she's very young for her age. I think Phil makes her feel even younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him." Bella shook her head. I realized how odd it must be for her to talk to almost a complete stranger about such a personal matter, especially one that she did not understand herself.

But at the same time, I wondered what her mother would say if _she_ didn't understand why Bella loved someone. Would she oppose or would she let Bella follow her own path?

"Do you approve?"

"Does it matter," she countered, immediately at her mother's defense, "I want her to be happy…and he is who she wants."

"That's very generous," I said gently, but then thought, "I wonder…"

"What?"

"Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?" I looked at Bella's eyes intently, wondering if she understood the real underlying question. Would Bella's mother approve if Bella were with someone a little bit more…unconventional.

"I – I think so," Bella stuttered, still maintaining eye contact, "But she's the parent, after all. It's a bit different."

"No one too scary then," I teased. She grinned.

"What do you mean by scary? Multiply facial piercings and extensive tattoos?" Bella joked.

"That's one definition, I suppose." That was the much better scary option. It was better to see someone and know they were scary than to see someone scary, but not know they were scary. Someone like me.

"What's your definition?" Bella asked, still in good humor.

"Do you think that _I_ could be scary?" I asked, the question slipping out of my mouth. I wanted to take it back the moment I said it. Did I honestly want to know whether Bella was scared of me or not?

"Hmmm…I think you _could_ be, if you wanted to," Bella responded after a moment, taking care to phrase her answer. I frowned.

"Are you frightened of me now?" I didn't want to keep her in the car if she wanted to leave. Forcing Bella to be in my company when she did not want to be was mortifying.

"No," she instantly blurted out, and then smiled sheepishly. I grinned back at her. At least she was not scared of me…for now.

"So," Bella said, searching for another topic," now are you going to tell me about your family? It's got to be a much more interesting story than mine."

"What do you want to know?" I said cautiously. There was only so much I could tell her, and I did not want to outright lie to her.

"The Cullens adopted you?" she confirmed.

"Yes." I didn't need to expand upon that. She hesitated for a moment.

"What happened to your parents?"

"They died many years ago," I said, as though I was giving a piece of information in a museum. This was the one fact that I refused to lie about. It was the only piece of human memory I had, and I was afraid that if I lied about it, I would begin to forget the truth. But if Bella asked more questions, I wasn't sure how I would avoid them without lying. Bella seemed to recognize my discomfort.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"I don't really remember them clearly," I said gently, "Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time now."

"And you love them," Bella stated.

"Yes." I smiled, remembering Esme's happiness when I got to know Bella. "I couldn't imagine two better people."

"You're very lucky."

Lucky was an understatement. Without Esme and Carlisle, I would have become…I would have become a monster.

"I know I am," I said solemnly.

"And your brother and sister?"

Suddenly remembering Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper, I glanced at the dashboard. It was three minutes before the last bell rang. We had been outside Bella's house for nearly forty-five minutes.

"My brother and sister, and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter, are going to be quite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me." I didn't want to make Rosalie even madder than she already was.

"Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go," Bella said, but didn't move. She wanted to stay in the car. I was exuberant.

"And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the Biology incident," I teased.

"I'm sure he's already heard. There are no secrets in Forks." Bella sighed.

I laughed, but there was an edge to my laughter. I would not see Bella for another three days. In the little time I had known her, I had already saved her life once, and she had been in great danger twice. What would happen when I was not there to save her? I glanced outside.

"Have fun at the beach…" my eyes pointed to the sheeting rain, "good weather for sunbathing." Bella looked confused.

"Won't I see you tomorrow?"

"No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."

"What are you doing to do?" Bella asked curiously. I hedged around for an answer that was…normal.

"We're going to be hiking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness, just south of Rainier," I replied glumly. I wished I could hold out hunting for a longer period; I didn't want to leave Bella to fend for herself.

"Oh, well, have fun," Bella replied, with a failed attempt at enthusiasm. A smile played at my lips for a moment, before I became serious.

"Will you do something for me this weekend?" I looked down intently at her, indicating the seriousness of what I was going to say. She nodded helplessly.

"Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So…" I tried to find the right words without scaring her, "try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?" I gave her a crooked smile.

She glared.

"I'll see what I can do," she snapped and stormed out of the car. Her anger lost its effect when she nearly fell over her front step in the pouring rain. I laughed openly. Bella turned around to glare at me, but her frown was beginning to give way to a smile.

I was still smiling when I drove away.

Oh Bella. What would I do without her?


	5. Chapter 6

And here's the next chapter.  
This one was slightly more difficult to write because it came entirely out of my head, following the plot line ofcourse. Hence its shortness.  
But it is definitely still a work in progress, and the end is wishwashy, so hopefully you will get a better version later.  
Read it and and tell me what you think.

thank you LifeIsTooQuick for reminding me of the 18th century/20th century thing...that was the only change by the way

--

Chapter 6: Scary Stories

--

Hunting large game in the wilderness was as close as we got to a vacation away from Forks. Well, it wasn't that we could not take actual vacations; money was not an issue here and neither was time. There simply were not many places we could go. There were even fewer places where we could hunt.

Forks, or any neighboring area for that matter, took the top spot on the list of places where it would _not_ be prudent to hunt. The last thing we needed to do was raise suspicion in our own territory. If we had to cause any trouble by hunting, it was best if it was not done near here. The less evidence, the better. The Goat Rocks Wilderness was not nearby at all.

I frowned in the front seat of Emmett's massive jeep. The _last_ place I wanted to be right now was far away from Forks.

Emmett, in contrast, seemed particularly pleased. He hadn't hunted particularly large game in awhile, and the Goat Rocks Wilderness had Emmett's favorite delicacy, grizzly bears.

Emmett snuck a glance in my direction and then gave a wide playful grin. He removed his hand from the steering wheel, reached towards the dial of the radio, and turned up the extreme metal rock even louder than it already was.

I visibly winced.

_Is there anything wrong, Edward?_ Emmett grinned.

I shook my head. Emmett continued staring at me, his eyebrows raised, until I finally rolled my eyes and sighed. Satisfied, he turned his "music" down to a reasonable volume. All he had wanted was a reaction.

I wasn't in the mood to participate in our usual banter. I turned my head back towards the window and went back to gazing at the blurry trees we were passing by. The normally soothing wilderness did nothing to appease my tension.

My mind was back in Forks, with _her_.

"You're thinking about Bella again!" Emmett suddenly accused.

I turned to face him. He was honestly worried about me. I sighed, and nodded. I could not help it. Bella was a very accident-prone human being. She could be in any sort of condition right now…

"Edward…" Emmett sighed, frustrated, "Stop worrying. She will be in the same condition that you left her in when we get back. Nothing is going to happen to the girl."

_And it wouldn't be the end of the world if anything happened anyways._

I growled at Emmett. He rolled his eyes.

_Okay, sorry about that last jibe._ _But you are going to have to loosen up._

I turned away, miffed, but tried to compose my face. He was right. It wasn't fair for Emmett to be stuck with a silent companion the entire time. I scowled at him instead.

"Of course _you_ are perfectly content. You are driving _your_ jeep with _your_ 'music' to get to _your_ favorite meal!"

"No need to sound so upset," Emmett grinned. "We'll hunt mountain lions next time. Just you and me."

"Great." I muttered sarcastically.

Emmett smiled cheekily.

"You don't enjoy my company, Edward?"

"Your company is just fine."

"I'm glad to hear," Emmett smirked.

I blatantly ignored his last statement and turned back to the window. It was not sunny yet, so we were still safe, but the weather was significantly improving. I groaned. My hopes of Bella's little beach trip being cancelled were slowly diminishing.

"What now?" Emmett questioned.

"The weather."

Emmett glanced outside, and then turned back, still confused.

_There's no sun yet. What is the problem?_

"It will be sunny by tomorrow."

_And we will be well into the forest by then._

I didn't comment on that. Truthfully, I did not want to tell Emmett why the weather was bothering me so much. I did not want to hear Emmett's comments on Bella, and how she would be safe _again_. I _knew_ she wouldn't be. She had almost died twice since I had met her. I grimaced when I thought of the first time that Bella had been in danger. That had been entirely my fault. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had lost control that day. Maybe it was best that I was not around Bella right now, while I was still thirsty.

Still, that thought did not stop my despair, nor did it appease my desperate need to see Bella. I longed to look into those eyes and make sure that see was real, not just a figment of my imagination.

Emmett suddenly let out a booming laugh.

"I bet your weather concern even has to with Bella!"

I looked away pointedly. Emmett looked incredulous.

"What does the weather have to do with Bella?!"

"It is related to Bella's weekend plans."

Emmett groaned. _Bella again! Care to elaborate?_

I shook my head. Emmett had always been one of my closest confidants, but I was not sure whether I wanted to share this. He was bound to joke about it. After a bit of prodding from Emmett's part, I finally gave in. There was no point in hiding anything in this family anyways. Nothing stayed hidden for long.

Emmett already knew most of what had happened before I had visited Bella's house, so I simply started the story off when I found Bella lying down on the sidewalk. I replayed the incidents exactly as they happened, and ended with dropping Bella off home.

Surprisingly, Emmett had maintained a straight face throughout the story. It must have been quite a feat for him, seeing as his thoughts were exploding with laughter. When I finally finished the story, however, Emmett let out a chuckle.

"So you wanted their beach trip to be cancelled, so Bella would not go out. Is that jealousy I sense in your thoughts?" Emmett smirked playfully.

"I wanted the trip to be cancelled so that Bella would be out of _danger_," I muttered in an undertone. "If she can get into so much trouble in a town as small as Forks, who knows what kind of trouble she could find herself in at La Push!"

"Ah, La Push," Emmett sighed contently, "_That_ was an exciting time."

I frowned. La Push did _not_ hold fond memories for me. Only Emmett would find nearly fighting werewolves in a death match – though it was _clear_ we would have won – and then forming a very tentative alliance with them as _exciting_. The fact that we had been moments from being discovered by humans and then inevitably almost taken out by the Volturi didn't seem to bother Emmett at all.

"_You_ may find it exciting," I retorted, "but the last place I want Bella to be is in the home town of the _rabid dogs_!"

Emmett smiled indulgently at my vehemence.

"What is the worst that can happen? She'll fall down on the sand and scrape her knee? She's only going to the beach!" He paused for a moment, before giving an even larger grin.

"It's not just worry, Edward, you're _jealous_."

I glared at him. Emmett stared right back, his teeth gleaming with a menacing touch.

"Maybe just a little bit," I finally sighed, but the ends of my lips twitched upward. It really had felt much better to tell Emmett everything. Emmett laughed out loud.

_So you finally admit it. You must be really in love with this girl._

"I am, Emmett. I am very much in love with her," I said sincerely.

Emmett smiled at my revelation and turned his eyes back to the road.

But my love for Bella is _nothing_ in comparison to her safety, I thought sadly. I had already put her in danger once. Truthfully, every time she was near me she was in severe danger. I did not want her to be in any more danger than what she was already facing in every moment in my presence. I turned away despondently.

How long could I maintain this friendship, that too a very uncertain friendship? How long was it before Bella finally found out? How long was it until she left me, out of horror, and shattered my very existence?

But she couldn't shatter my existence, if my heart was locked away, right?

I would have to keep my longing a secret, as planned. It wouldn't be _that_ hard. After all, I had already convinced myself that Bella and I were only meant to be friends, and not even very close friends. After the Seattle trip, she would probably realize that I was nothing more than a regular seventeen year old boy. Well, not a regular seventeen year old boy, but a polite, not hormonal seventeen year old boy. Nevertheless, I would still be perceived as just a regular human. I would _make sure_ I was perceived as human.

But I couldn't help wonder what Bella would think if she knew the real Edward. Not as a vampire, I already knew she would be running and screaming if she knew that, but just as me. My regular, slightly sarcastic, century old self. The Edward that only my family knew.

My thoughts were not the only thoughts in turmoil. Soon after we had stopped talking, Emmett's mind had gone on overload. I scrunched my face while trying to figure out what _exactly_ was going on through Emmett's mind.

A part of his mind was trying to ask me a question; in fact it was _craving_ to ask a question. The problem was that I had no idea what the question actually was. This was because a larger part of Emmett's mind was focused on _covering up_ that question. He had covered that question with several layers of other thoughts, having to do with the wildlife, fixing his jeep, and Rosalie. I grimaced. His thoughts were mostly on Rosalie.  
From experience, Emmett knew _exactly_ how to keep me from prodding further into his mind. What he often forgot was that I couldn't help listening to his thoughts. It was part of my natural being.

"Would you stop that?" I snapped at him. "I know you want to ask me something so you might as well ask it rather than cover it up with thoughts I would rather _not_ see."

Emmett nodded and apologized in his mind, adding yet another layer of thoughts to his already saturated mind. His expression of pure concentration did not change. I pressed my lips together angrily. This was now giving _me_ a headache.

"Emmett! Just ask the question!"

Emmett's expression still did not change.

I decided to just wait it out. I knew he wouldn't be able to hold that level of concentration for long. It required strenuous amounts of effort to layer one train of though exactly above another, and this had to be done several times in order to cover up one small insignificant thought. It hardly ever worked anyways because, if I truly wanted to, I could have sifted through _those_ layers and then found out what was hiding beneath them.

I was rarely ever forced to do this, however, because it generally involved infringing on one of my family member's privacy. Humans did not have enough layers in their mind to carry this out, and they never felt the need to. The only exception I had ever seen to my power was Bella.  
Moments later, Emmett's face relaxed and the lines of concentration on his face smoothed out. As I had predicted, he was not able to hold all his thoughts aligned on top of one another, so he finally let them slip into their original positions in his mind. And then the question came out.

_Why?_

With this one word, came a torrent of other thoughts, all having to do with one another person. In all actuality, the real question should have been:

_Why Bella?_

I looked over at Emmett, confused. There was no reason to cover up this question. It wasn't rude or offensive in any way. How could I not expect him to be curious?

Emmett shook his head, and gave an apologetic shrug.

_Why can't you leave her alone, Edward?_

I recoiled back from Emmett as though I had been slapped. I didn't think Emmett understood what I was doing, but I didn't expect Emmett to be _against_ me either. Emmett had never sided against me, except the day of the accident when we were deciding Bella's fate.

It did not escape my notice that both situations involved Bella.

"Look, Edward," Emmett began hesitantly. "This isn't just a personal jibe at you. I honestly don't understand why you enjoy her so much. I mean, I understand that you can't read her mind, and that must be part of the attraction, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you _love_ her. Edward, she's only…"

"Human," I said coolly, finishing Emmett's thought for him. I turned to him coldly. "What? Does that make her any less of a person? Are we _above_ humans? Do you think we are _superior_ to them?"

"I never took you to be conceited, Emmett, but I guess your words speak for themselves," I said calmly, in the same tone.

My cold, unfriendly tone threw Emmett off guard. He looked at me, astonished and hurt.

"I certainly don't think we are superior! I just don't think you and Bella are…meant for each other. Think about it, Edward. A human and a vampire?"

"Well I am, once again, already one step in front of you," I jeered angrily. "I know I can't be with Bella in that way! I already know it's too dangerous! Did you really think I would try something like that with Bella! She's so…fragile!"

I heard the exasperation in my own voice.

Emmett looked even more curious than before.

"But, Edward, if you don't want to be with Bella in that way and you think that you are too dangerous for her, then why is this still happening?"

I chuckled darkly at the irony.

"It's not that I don't want her, Emmett, it's that this want is two fold. On one hand, I thirst for her blood. _This_ thirst is unlike any other thirst I've ever felt. I feel like…a man who has always lived in a shell, in a cold empty chamber. And then one day, the door opens for him and the man is thrown out into…the sun."

"At first, the sun burns him, scares him, but then he realizes what he has been missing and the sun is suddenly all that he has ever desired. It heats him from within and makes him feel more alive and satisfied than he has ever felt. That is when he realizes he cannot live without it. And why should he go back into the cold when the warm sun is so easily accessible and so…desirable? He knows it's wrong, that his place belongs back in the cold, but he can't bring himself to go back. He can't leave the sun, now that he knows what it feels like to have it touching his skin, warming his whole being. He knows that he can't really ever reach the sun, and if he tries to hard he could get scorched, but he reaches out for what he can get anyways."

I could hear the pain and anguish in my voice.

"That is what Bella is to me, Emmett. She's like my sun. She has woken up the heat in my cold body. And I can't let her go."

Emmett made a motion to interrupt, guilt overwhelming his thoughts, but I stopped him. I needed to get this out.

"And then there is this _other_ desire. It is not as prominent as my bloodlust, at least I don't think it is, but it is still strong. It is this urge to protect her. This desire to keep her away from all the demons that are out to harm her, to hold her and tell her that I will keep her safe. I want to be able to tell her that she is safe with me and be able to _mean it_."

"And whenever she smiles or laughs or frowns, I can't look away from…_her_. My body clenches, but it's not out of thirst or anger, it's…" I stopped, embarrassed. I could easily describe this in a _medical_ manner, but I could not find the words to describe how it actually _felt_.

But that didn't matter. Emmett would understand. I had seen his thoughts and his expression whenever he saw Rosalie. Whenever she walked into the room, I would experience Emmett's instant reactions and thoughts at the same time he did. Emmett knew exactly what I meant.

I watched Emmett's large arm slowly clench and unclench on the steering wheel. Emmett's thoughts were void of any reaction to what I had just said. It was as though he had not heard me at all. I sighed and turned back to the window. Emmett should not have asked if he did not want to know.

We sat in silence for the rest of the ride. I could tell by this point that Emmett was forcing himself to think of anything other than what I had just told him, and this time I did not prod him. I had learned from that lesson. I was too mentally exhausted to explain anything else to Emmett.

When we reached a secluded region of the wilderness, Emmett parked the jeep in such a manner that no passerby could have noticed it even if they were to search for it. No one came around this region of the wilderness anyways. That is why we had chosen this location in the first place, so that we could hunt without human distraction. After all, bear hunting was only prohibited with the use of _weapons_. Our sharp teeth didn't count. They were more like accessories rather than weapons.

It was mid-afternoon when we began our hike into the middle section of the wilderness, where the fiercest bears were located. Emmett threw me a grin for the first time since our silence in the car. Both of us had identical thoughts.

_What was the fun in hunting, if the prey wasn't going to fight back?_

And off course whenever Emmett mentioned this out loud, Carlisle always interjected and said that the goal was _not_ to make this a challenge. The goal was to simply take what we needed to survive and then stop there. He wanted it to be as painless as possible. He didn't like to kill unless it was absolutely necessary.

I didn't enjoy killing either; killing always reminded me of what I had done to Carlisle and Esme and all those humans during my small period of rebellion. My parents had never actually expressed disappointment, but I often felt as though it was lingering in the background, not identifiable, but still there. Killing always felt like I was giving in to my weakness.

But since I was forced to kill to survive, then why not pick the animals that were the largest, fiercest and wildest ones in the pack. It did not seem right to go after the young or the weak. It was not fair when they could not properly defend themselves.

Abruptly, Emmett addressed me through his thoughts.

_Edward, I apologize for what I said earlier. I am going to be completely honest and tell you that what you are doing still amazes me. But you don't have to worry about me going against you. I am on your side, as I have always been._

My head jerked around to face him, and plastered on his face was a large…Emmett's like grin. And I knew that all of the tension that had built up between us was instantly gone. I grinned back.

And as though there had been nothing wrong in the first place, Emmett reached forward to punch my shoulder. I had seen that coming the instant Emmett thought of it, and I ducked his punch easily. Emmett laughed and threw out his other arm to lock my neck in a death grip. I smirked back at him and easily side stepped him again. Now I was racing forward, goading him, laughing with him.

And together, we ran off into the wilderness, leaving all behind.

--

Sunday had finally arrived and we were heading home to Forks. I was calling Alice for the sixth time, and was growing progressively more and more frustrated. She had probably _seen_ me calling her, knew what I was going to ask, and was just ignoring me for the sake of getting on my nerves.

If that was her goal, then she had accomplished it.

Emmett was driving the jeep again. He rolled his eyes and scoffed.

_Bella, again! There were three people in the wilderness this weekend, Edward. You, me, and the ghost of Bella._

I ignored his jibe. Nothing would calm me except news of Bella's safety, which meant that I would continue calling Alice, until she actually picked up. Alice was the best person to call, because she was the most supportive. But if she wasn't going to pick up, then I could always call someone else…

The cell phone instantly stopped ringing and I knew Alice had answered on the other line. I smirked. Alice had _seen_ the change in my plans too. Apparently picking up the phone was a better option than having me go to someone else.

"Hello Edward!" Alice's said cheerfully. "How was your weekend?"  
"Excellent, perfect as always," I replied sarcastically. I didn't need to see Alice's thoughts to know that she was smirking on the other line. Emmett grinned in the car seat next to me.

"That sounds wonderful Edward! I'm glad you called to tell me how _perfect_ your weekend was," Alice voice gleamed happily. Emmett pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. I growled.

"You know why I called Alice."

"Of course I do. That _is_, after all, what I am best at!"

"Alice!" I hissed.

I heard footsteps enter the room. They were unmistakably Rosalie's.

"Alice, your phone has been going off for the past half hour…" Rosalie snapped as her footsteps approached the phone. Her voice was now much clearer, and the venom in her voice was much more audible. "Is Edward asking about that human girl, _again_?"

Emmett looked at me inquisitively.

_Rosalie?_

I nodded. Emmett sighed.

"When else does Edward call," Alice exhaled dramatically. I groaned. Alice was not going to answer my question anytime soon. I should have just called someone else.

"No," Alice continued in a sad tone, "He does _not_ want to know what I bought for him this weekend, nor does he want to know if I am feeling well. He only wants to know if Bella has hurt herself between now and 2 days ago…"  
"Alice, you _can't_ become sick, and you will be thinking about whatever you bought me when I come home, so I will end up finding out about it anyways!"

"Still, Edward, it is only polite to ask me about my weekend, since I asked you about yours."

"Fine," I sighed in a resigned manner, "How was your weekend, Alice?"

"I had to cancel a few things because of the weather, but other than that I had a very enjoyable weekend, thank you for asking," she said merrily.

There was a pause.

Alice sighed on the other line.

"Bella is perfectly fine. She did not injure herself, and she is still alive." I opened my mouth to ask her something else, but Alice interrupted before I could say anything.

"And yes, Bella will still be safe and alive by the time you see her. She has not done anything else 'dangerous' over the weekend, and she has not decided to do anything particularly dangerous in the near future."

"Thank you, Alice," I said gratefully. The knotted that had wound itself in my stomach slowly dissipated. Bella was safe, for now.

"No problem. But you should know that the next time you're going to be able to see her is on Wednesday."

"Wednesday?" I asked, confused.

"Wednesday," Alice said firmly. "It will stay sunny until Tuesday and then the weather will be back to its usual self by Wednesday."

I swore.

"Don't worry, I feel the same way too," Alice muttered bitterly. I raised my eyebrows. "I had planned a shopping trip just in case I predicted the wrong forecast, but as always, I ended being right, and now I have to find another day to go out…"

"You'll survive."

"It's not about surviving, Edward, it's about making it to the Sunday sale. You know, you could be a little more sympathetic to the one person helping you in your time of _need_."

Emmett snorted and then began laughing. I scowled.

"And speaking of surviving…" Alice said, abruptly changing the topic. "You know that if anything had happened to Bella, _I_ would have called _you_, right?"

"What would I do without you?" I asked sincerely.

"You would probably curl up into a ball and cry all day."

"Very funny," I said, my voice laced with sarcasm. "Maybe you've forgotten, but we _can't_ cry, Alice."

"You ruined the joke Edward," Alice sighed impatiently. I smirked. "I'll talk to you later," she snapped in a fake tone of anger, and then hung up. Emmett and I exchanged looks before we began laughing.

"Tell me again why I don't speak to Alice more often."

"Because whenever you do speak to Alice, she always convinces you to bet with her and then you lose."

Emmett chuckled.

_I'll win one of these days._

"You probably won't," I muttered under my breath. Emmett was still smiling. Then suddenly, he sighed.

_I'm sorry about Rosalie's behavior._

I shook my head. He didn't need to apologize for her. At least I could read her thoughts and see where her anger was coming from. Even if her reasons did seem to be overbearing.

_I've never quite understood why Rosalie disliked Bella._

"It's not a big deal," I mumbled quietly.

_You know why Rosalie dislikes Bella?_

I shrugged. I did not want to hurt Emmett's feelings. After being dedicated to Rosalie for so long, Emmett had come to accept that Rosalie would never be truly satisfied with her life with him. She wanted one of the few things that vampires could not get. Emmett would leave everything in his world for her and move into her dream white picket fence house, but he could not give her a child.

Bella might not have been as beautiful or as regal as Rosalie, but she could still produce children if she chose too. She still had her entire life ahead of her. Bella was also loved by someone who Rosalie was on very familiar terms with, someone who Rosalie believed deserved better than just a human.

And because of all of this, Rosalie was jealous of her.

I had scoffed when I first saw these ideas in Rosalie's thoughts. I could not have found anyone more beautiful than Bella, regardless of what Rosalie said. Bella did not have the obvious majestic beauty, but the more subtle beauty, the more pleasing beauty. From the stares she had received on her first day of school, I knew that I was not the only that had noticed her beauty.

Rosalie was also equally confused about who deserved whom. It was quite obvious that _I_ was the one that did not deserve _her_. I was the black spot in her pure white life. How could anyone see this as the other way around? Why would a cold man ever turn away the splash of warmth that had been gifted to him? Bella was not _mine_ to choose; I was _hers_ to choose. I was utterly at her disposal.

Emmett broke into my reverie.

_Edward…why does Rosalie dislike Bella?_

He asked this question in such a tentative manner, that I knew he was expecting the worst possible answer. This left me no choice, but to give him an answer, even though these thoughts were not my thoughts to tell. I despised telling others' thoughts, especially when they did not want them to be known; it was not my rightful place.

I gave him a different reason for Rosalie's anger.

It was still the truth.

"Rosalie is…" I began, trying to decide how I would word my answer, "she is…accustomed to receiving most of the attention from…the male species."

Emmett nodded vigorously. This was nothing new.

"Well, except that sort of attention from Carlisle, Jasper, and me," I added hurriedly. "And this didn't seem to bother her much anymore. Carlisle is a father-like figure, Jasper's eyes are for Alice only, and Alice is too sweet to be spited, and I was always…the odd ball who would never find anyone, so it stopped bothering her that I never found her attractive."

I very conveniently did not mention that it was quite a bit of time before Rosalie finally accepted that I was not attracted to her in that way at all. Rosalie never actually loved me in the way that she loved Emmett, but it was still a blow to her ego that I was not attracted to her. Emmett already knew that Rosalie had originally been changed so that I would have a partner, so I felt no guilt in hiding how long it took for Rosalie to accept my view of her as just a sister.

"But then one day," I continued, "Bella entered my life. I spent the first week I met her trying desperately not to kill her, because of her utterly luscious scent, a scent that was created to perfectly match every desire of mine. It drove me wild with thirst. It still does."

"Rosalie was able to understand that wild emotion towards Bella. I could not control which scents lured me and made me lose control. But there was a very fine line between my attraction for Bella's scent and my attraction for Bella herself. Rosalie never understood how that line had been crossed or why. She couldn't understand how I, the one person who found no other vampire attractive, could suddenly take interest in a _human_."

"And that is where her jealousy springs from," I finally stated bluntly. "Rosalie despises anyone, especially another human, being perceived as more beautiful than she is."

Emmett remained silent, but his thoughts exuded relief. I sighed, equally relieved. Emmett would have been upset if he knew that Rosalie's jealousy sprung the fact that Bella was human. He would be hurt because he would know that there was nothing he could do about it; he would some how find it his fault that he could not give her a child.

At least with Rosalie's jealousy, due to my attentions, was something he could compensate for. I could already see plans forming in his mind. Emmett was always attentive towards Rosalie whenever she needed it.

Emmett chuckled softly

_I suppose I should I have guessed that much._

"You didn't hear it from me," I mumbled quietly.

_Rosalie likes attention, there is nothing new there._

"No, there is not."

Emmett paused for a second.

_This does not have to do with Bella being human? Rosalie is not upset that Bella has more… opportunities in her life?_

I glanced at him, surprised.

"That is…a small portion of her reasoning," I hedged.

_Don't try to lessen the truth. You forget that I know Rosalie like the back of my hand._

"Then what was the point in asking me," I muttered.

Emmett grinned.

_I just wanted to make sure I was not missing anything._

I rolled my eyes. Emmett laughed, while simultaneously trying to mask his pain. Emmett was truly a good person, for putting up with Rosalie and her mood swings with such valor.

"Rosalie is lucky she has you," I stated firmly.

_And I am lucky to have her._

I looked at him curiously.

"Edward," Emmett finally said. "Rosalie may seem very headstrong and vain to you, but she has a softer side too." Emmett paused for a moment, attempting to find the right word. "Rosalie is very…forgiving…of my faults."

"Explain."

"Edward…the scent that you are describing…the sensation of it…how it overwhelms you and you have never scented anything more…desirable."

"I have felt that before. Twice."

I did not need to ask any further. Emmett's thoughts revealed all. I listened and watched carefully. Flashes of Emmett's past were all I needed to understand. I clenched my fists, horrified.

The knot that had disappated rewound itself even more tightly in my stomach. My throat caught. To watch Emmett, who was so strong and resistant, fall to such a power and desire _twice_ was unnerving. It was terrifying. It was _sickening_.

"Emmett…when…" I choked out.

Emmett's voice was like ice, hard and cold. His face was stiff.

"The first time was on our second honeymoon. We were supposed to stay in Australia for three weeks, during the rainy season."

"The first one was a blond tourist, whose name I later learned was Evelyn. Rosalie and I were walking through a deserted natural reservation, when her scent hit. It was like my body was doused in fire. I had never been thirstier, never desired more than I did in that one second. All I needed was one second. She was about a hundred yards away, had a camera to her eye, and was alone."

"She was dead before she snapped the first picture."

I couldn't breathe. Suddenly I imagined Bella in the blond haired woman's position, myself in Emmett's position. All it had taken was one small breeze. _Snap._ Bella was on the ground, her neck snapped in two.

And even after professing my desire for all of Bella, all I could imagine was her blood, the scent of it coming from her open wound. The taste of it running down my throat. The terrible feeling of utter satisfaction.

I dropped my head into my hands, devastated.

"Once I realized what I had done, I ran, like a coward. I couldn't face Rosalie. The only people Rosalie had ever killed were those bastards that did not deserve to live in the first place, and right in front of her I had just killed an innocent woman. I dreaded Rosalie's reaction."

His cold voice melted into heated anguish.

"When Rosalie finally found me – it was inevitable that she would find me – she seemed more…curious than upset. She wanted to know exactly what I had felt, what had compelled me to slaughter. In order to justify my actions and rid myself of overpowering guilt, I explained every detail fully to Rosalie."

"But that night was not the night I fully explained myself. That night Rosalie, _my_ Rosalie, simply held me and let me know that she was there for me while I broke down. I felt terrible. It was as though I had no control over my own actions, my emotions. It was as though my body was not my own. And through this enter ordeal, Rosalie was there, calming me and helping me. All I could think was: _what have I done to deserve her?_"

I looked up into Emmett's eyes and saw my pained expression mirror his. My desolation was not only for Emmett, but also for all of those who, like Emmett and I, tried to stay humane even though we were doomed to fail. Emmett had slipped up twice, and my number would be up soon too. No matter what we did, no matter how we hard we tried, we were forever cursed to be bloodthirsty monsters. Forever cursed as vampires.

"The second time was even worse," Emmett said in so soft a tone that if I had not been able to read his thoughts I would not have understood what he was saying.

"We were in the States. It was a black haired woman, whose name I never bothered to find out. I couldn't do it, not after falling victim to the same accursed sensation _again_."

"This time it was not just a second before I reacted, but a full thirty seconds. I tried to resist the temptation; I imagined Rosalie's disappointed expression – she was not there with me at that time – and I even tried to imagine Carlisle's face. But I could only hold out for thirty seconds before the insane amounts of pain consumed me and the monster took over. This scent was even stronger than the first one, much more delicious than the first one. The second scent made me forget that there was a first scent like that in the first place."

"The worst part was that I had a choice. I could have used those thirty seconds to get out of there so that I would be able to think straight. But I _chose_ to stay, _chose_ to let the scent overpower me, _chose_ to given in and kill another innocent woman."

Emmett's voice had disappeared. Shame overclouded his thoughts. He could not stand what he had done, even though Rosalie had also forgiven him the second time. If Rosalie had not been there to help him overcome his guilt, it was very likely that he would have been consumed by it.

"Edward…" Emmett now said with earnest, "_This_ was why I wanted you to consider why you loved Bella, why I wanted you to make sure you knew you were doing the right thing. Because _this_ could happen at any time, at any moment. You might be extra thirsty one moment, and the next moment she could be gone. Consider your feelings for her before you do something you regret."

I sat perfectly still, shaken by Emmett's story, by his past. The most I could do was nod. Why had I never learned of this before? By the time Emmett came back from wherever he had gone, had he already stopped thinking about what he had done? Was it easier for him to finally accept what he had done because Rosalie was there to help him forget?

But if I were to hurt Bella – I physically cringed at the thought – no one would be there to comfort me. Yes, my family would be there, trying to help, but not one of them would be able to eliminate the pain of what I had done. My loved one would not be able to soothe me, she would be dead. Because of me. It would forever linger in my mind, torturing me. It would be more painless to end my life.

I would willingly torture myself to be around Bella, but I could _not_ risk Bella's life in order to make myself happy. If she could live her life loving some one else, then I would let her. At least she would not have a constant threat right next to her. She would be content, and that would be all that mattered.

_To love someone was to learn to let them go._

Could I let Bella go?

My only consolation was that my situation was not the _exact_ same as Emmett's. Emmett and I had experienced the same type of mouth watering scent, but I learned to resist its calling. And I had been able to do this not just once, but several times, every time I was around Bella. This did not mean that I would never succumb, but it certainly did help that I knew what scent to expect.

And then there was the fact that Emmett had not known any of the women that he had killed. I not only knew Bella, but I also _loved_ her. I imagine I would be much more reluctant to kill Bella, knowing that I would be destroying the love of my life…my existence.

But that did not change what Emmett said, what the truth was. The truth was that Bella's scent still drove me wild, and because of this, every time I was around Bella she was in extreme danger.

But I had to see Bella today, even if it involved seeing her alone. I had gone too long without seeing her. It would be the same time and place, at twilight – the easiest time for vampires, when I would be least likely to harm Bella – in her room. Ever since the first night in her room, I had continued going back to that room every night. It was like an addictive balm, listening to Bella talk in her sleep.

Every time she murmured my name in her sleep I knew that I was doing the right thing. I was different from Emmett. I would avoid temptation; I would not succumb. Every time my name left her perfect lips, a small pleasant shiver ran down my spine, reminding me why I was still there, why I was risking all.

Even if she never knew of it, I would always be there as her protector. I thought of the irony; the person she needed protection from most was _me_. Nevertheless, I would always be there for, because I could not leave her.

No, loving was not really learning to let go. Loving was to pull through all adversities, while still holding on. Letting go would be giving up. I would not give up on myself. I was determined to make things work between us…as friends.

The car turned into Forks. I was almost home, almost with Bella.


	6. Chapter 7

**Err yeah...but nobody even bothers thinking I'm fast anymore. I did however finish most of this before Breaking Dawn came out. I just never got around to posting it. There are probably a million things that need to be edited. I just really wanted to put this chapter up. For me, this chapter dragged the most. And is kind of a filler. Probably because it was mostly a filler chapter in Bella's POV too...**

**Yeah, and since its been so long you should probably read the chapter before this too.**

**Feedback is loved as always.**

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**Chapter 7: Nightmare**

"A jet?"

I stared at Alice incredulously.

"You bought me a _jet_?"

Alice grinned wickedly.

"Technically, I've only _ordered_ the jet. It should come in few weeks."

As if that made it any better.

"We're trying to fit in, Alice!"

Alice rolled her eyes, exasperated.

"How are we supposed to hide it?"

Emmett laughed.

"Forget about that. What kind of jet did you get?"

Alice's eyes lit up.

"A _Falcon 10_. Sleek and lightweight. It's perfect for Edward."

I thought about it. The Falcon 10 _was_ a nice jet…

"Consider it your birthday gift."

…but now was the worst time to appear ostentatious. I did not want Bella to be more suspicious of us than she already was.

"My birthday is in June."

"Fine, an _early_ birthday gift then," Alice sighed.

Emmett chuckled.

_We all know that you want Bella for your birthday, but…_

I growled, and glanced at the overcast sky. The sun had disappeared Saturday evening and had not come back since. Clouds covered the sky giving the feeling that it might open up and any moment. It would be the perfect moment to visit Bella. Alice had even said that Bella was at her home, working on her English paper. The only problem was that she was still awake. I knew I wouldn't be able to resist talking to her if I were to "visit" her.

That would create problems I didn't want to bring up.

I ignored the raw ache in my chest that cried out for her.

Alice cried out in pain. Emmett raised his eyebrows in her direction.

"You're going to make me return the jet!"

I stared. A small smile crept onto my face.

"Am I?"

Alice glared.

"You saw yourself telling me to return the jet!" Alice said heatedly. "I cannot believe you would tell me to return the Falcon!"

Emmett furtively glanced towards our home. Rosalie was in the garage waiting for him to finally come in. Alice had not let us into the house yet. She had been too excited about the jet.

I wanted to enter the house too. I needed talk to Jasper. I felt my stomach drop at the thought of what I had to ask.

"So you aren't going to take the jet?"

Alice was still glowering at me. I shrugged.

"If _you_ say so Alice…"

"Fine. I'll just go cancel the order now." Alice snapped, utterly anguished, and then turned away. But as she walked towards the house, I could see some amusement lingering in her thoughts. She knew I was going to refuse the jet before the conversation even began. I sighed, relieved.

I had almost fallen for Alice's anguish. Almost.

Emmett went off to see Rosalie in the garage and I went to find Jasper. I didn't actually need to "find" him; he was sitting in his office, just where I thought he would be. The baseball game was on TV.

"Hello Edward," Jasper said, without looking away from the television. The Mariners were losing. I suddenly grew nervous. I almost did not want to know what Jasper would say. Jasper sensed my nervousness and turned to face me.

_What is it?_

I took a deep breath and asked my question.

"Have you ever felt an immense amount of attraction towards one particular scent?"

Jasper looked at me curiously. _Other than Alice's scent?_

I thought for a moment, and then reworded my question.

"An immense amount of thirst for one human scent?"

Jasper stared ahead thoughtfully.

_I don't think I have. Not for one human scent anyways. All human scents create an equally immense amount of thirst in my blood system. _

I sighed in relief. I had suspected this much.

_I have spent such a long time thirsting on human blood that the sudden with drawl I experienced was…difficult. Every human I scented after that sent my thirsty emotions on overdrive, increased by the fact that I chose not to quench my thirst._

_All human scents appear the same to me._

I nodded sagely. I remembered when Jasper had first come with Alice and told us he was going to attempt our vegetarian way of life. He had the most difficult time adjusting to the new lifestyle because of his old lifestyle. He still has the most difficult time maintaining this way of life.

Relieved as I was, I was not completely appeased. The only person I had encountered with a somewhat similar situation to mine was Emmett, and the result of his situation was not very promising.

_This has to do with…your human right? Have you talked to Emmett yet?_

I looked away from Jasper, my body clenching painfully. Jasper face tightened, my pain and tension visible on his features.

_I take it you have heard Emmett's story…or stories I should say…_

My horror gave way to surprise.

"You know Emmett's stories?"

_Yes._

"Am I the only one that does not know that this happened to Emmett?" I asked, annoyed.

_Yes._

It was ironic; the one person that could read minds was the one person that did not know this had happened. I frowned.

"How on earth did I not find out?"

"You were not there the second time it happened. That is when everyone else found out," Emmett stated, finally entering the room. He had been listening to our conversation for sometime, and had been able to infer what we were discussing from my side of the conversation.

Emmett spoke out loud for Jasper's benefit.

"The first time it happened, Rosalie suggested we stay away for a longer time than expected. She knew that we wouldn't be able to hide our secret from you or Jasper. At first it seemed pointless. Alice would have seen what happened, and would have told the rest of the family. But when Rosalie called Alice, she had surprisingly not told anyone yet. Rosalie convinced her to not to tell anyone. She said that I would tell the family when the time was right."

"Edward was still a problem though. He would find out whether we wanted him to or not. That was the real reason we stayed away for so long. We wanted to put the whole ordeal out our minds. After two months, we finally decided to come back when Edward was out hunting. It only took two days to get back into the regular swing of things and put the entire situation behind us, to some extent. It was not easy."

I remembered the day clearly. Carlisle, Jasper, and I had returned early when Carlisle found out that Emmett and Rosalie had come home. Despite all the smiles and hugs they had given out, something had seemed out of place with Emmett and Rosalie.

And then it all clicked together. I had almost asked Emmett what was wrong, what his mind seemed insistent not to think about, when Alice stopped me. With just a small shake of her head she told me not to question what had happened during their honeymoon. Alice then left the house, without explaining any further. I had always assumed something had happened between Emmett and Rosalie's _relationship_. But even that didn't seem right at the time.

So it was on Alice's insistence that I didn't ask Emmett. Indirectly because of Alice, I never found out what happened. Off course Alice would have known about it. How had I not thought about asking _Alice_? Then I remembered – she had run away before that idea could pop up. Alice had been the mastermind behind the plan. I felt a small sense of betrayal.

_Don't feel bad_, Jasper thought, _Alice was only keeping her promise Rosalie. She would have done the same for you, or anyone in the family. She really was doing you a favor. What good would it have done to tell you? You would not have wanted to know. _

The small amount of resentment that had built up slowly dissipated. I sighed. Jasper was right; Alice had done what was best at the time. There was no point in holding a grudge.

"So what happened the second time?" I questioned.

Emmett continued his explanation with effort. The past memories reflected anguish and desperation in his eyes.

"The second time had been too close to home to avoid. This time, Alice called me, alarmed. I didn't pick up, I couldn't. Alice, out of fear, told the rest of the family what had happened. Rosalie instantly drove out to where I was. When she saw me her fear increased ten fold. That is what she said, anyway. I couldn't remember anything clearly. All I remembered was coming home and listening to Rosalie and Alice tell our family the entire story. All I could think was…"

Emmett abruptly stopped talking. He turned away, distraught. Jasper also turned away, already knowing what Emmett was trying to say. I stared directly at Emmett, barely masking shock.

Emmett had considered killing himself. I had often succumbed to those feelings, but Emmett, _never_. His justification did not successfully cover my shock. He had felt that our family would be better off without him. It had been well past the first newborn year, when killing humans was somewhat acceptable, even forgivable.

But Emmett thought that if, after all of this time, he still couldn't control his thirst, then he didn't deserve to stay with the family. Both times the females happened to be alone. What if, the next time, she was in a crowd and he couldn't control himself? He thought it would be better to leave than to put the family in danger of being discovered.

Emmett had almost killed himself, and I hadn't even found out about it. How could have such a big ordeal remained a secret from me? I couldn't even find a rational explanation. The shock and confusion were clouding my thoughts.

Rosalie quietly entered the room, and glared at me.

_Why are you making him do this, Edward?_

I could see what she was talking about. Emmett's entire body was clenched, his face unsuccessfully masking his anguish. Relieving his weakest moments was torture for him. But what could I tell Rosalie? I couldn't stop Emmett now; I still had not found out where I fit into the story. My curiosity was putting Emmett in pain. Another tally describing my selfishness.

I should be the one thrown out of this family.

And yet there I stood, not saying a word.

Rosalie's eyes found Emmett's and her features softened. He reached out to her and she went to him. As he held her, his body started to relax. I turned away. Rosalie was right. It was not fair for Emmett to relive his weakest moments. I would ask Jasper to explain the rest later.

I got up to leave Jasper's office

"You were in Alaska."

Emmett's voice was quiet, slightly less pained than before. I turned to face him. He was holding Rosalie and was still looking away. Jasper was also staring at Emmett, the game now in the back of his mind.

"You had left to go visit the Denali Clan, and came back a month and a half after the…the second killing had happened. Rosalie and I had asked the family not to tell you, or think about it. If you were going to find out, it was going to be from one of us."

"But when you finally came back, I had just started getting over what I had done. The last thing I wanted to do was revive those memories. The more I thought about it – though not when you were around Edward – the more it made sense. What good would it do to tell you? So we never ended up telling you. It wasn't done on purpose. It was a mere coincidence that you never found out."

It was certainly one large coincidence.

Jasper faced me directly.

My mind had already rejected what he was going to saying before he had fully formulated his thoughts.

"Edward…this…relationship you have formed with Bella. It has to stop."

Emmett curiously turned to Jasper. Even Rosalie's face was void of any gloating emotion. Her eyes were still on Emmett.

"What if the same thing happens with Bella? You know it will be worse than Emmett's situation. It will be close to home, so all of us will have to leave this town. And you will be the one suffering for Bella's death. So many problems will be avoided if you simply avoid the girl."

I did not even bother analyzing Jasper's reason. I had already considered my options after hearing Emmett's story the first time. And I could honestly say that I had considered letting Bella go, that she might be too hard for me to resist. But I had already resisted her for so long, hadn't I? Did that not increase my chances of resisting her mouthwatering scent next time? Or was my point contradicted by the fact that I considered a few months of resisting her "so long."

What would happen when I finally broke?

_No,_ my conscience furiously rebutted. As long as I was around Bella, I _would_ be human. That was the least I could do for her. After all, she was going to be forced to endure all that was me.

Was I even worth the endurance?

It was quite obvious that the answer was "no."

Alice cheerfully bounced into the room and asked if all of us wanted to go out, just us siblings. Carlisle was working all day today so that he would not have to go in on Monday or Tuesday, and Esme had declined Alice's offer.

"Do you have some place in mind?" Jasper asked.

"Anywhere, " Alice said in a gentle pleading voice. "Fresh air is the antidote to obtaining a clear mind."

Alice's homemade adage would have been humorous had it not been directed at Emmett. Alice had not been oblivious to the conversation that had been taking place in this office.

Jasper shrugged in assent; he would go wherever Alice wanted him to be. Rosalie was about to decline Alice's offer when Emmett interrupted. He insisted that Alice was right; the fresh air would clear his mind. What he actually was thinking was that the company of his siblings would distract him.

Rosalie and Emmett both agreed to go.

Alice then faced me.

"I'll stay here," I informed her. I needed to sort out my mind before I went anywhere near Bella, and fresh air was not exactly what I had in mind.

"Don't mope around too much," Alice said with an odd sense of truth in her joking tone. I rolled my eyes and walked out of the office. My siblings were right behind me. I watched them leave the house, laughing.

Maybe I should have just gone with them. Emmett was probably right. It would have been a good distraction from the miserable situation I was in. I couldn't even count the number of times that I had reconsidered my decision to visit Bella, to spend time with her, to continue this unreal friendship we shared.

Once again I stood at crossroads, still unable to decide what to do.

I sighed and glanced at the clock.

One thing was certain. I _would_ visit Bella tonight. Her scent, her heart throbbing aura, would definitely soothe my troubled thoughts. Or would it simply allow me to continue living this delusion without questioning it?

As my brain racked for answers, my heart responded that it didn't matter. Whatever I ended up deciding, it would end up involving Bella. I could not let her go. It was too late. I had fallen in, and no longer had the option of getting back out.

Choosing to no longer dwell on this subject, I went downstairs into the living room. The piano had not been touched for nearly a week. I felt the familiar envelope of relaxation cover my body as my hands skimmed the keys.

I closed my eyes and played.

I played the first piece I had ever composed. It was light and flowery. My fingers flowed over the keys. It was Esme's favorite piece. I heard her thanks from upstairs as I played that song.

That piece then flowed into a much darker piece. It was raw and angry. A piece composed during my time of rebellion. Oddly enough, when I had bought my own apartment away from my family, I had also bought a piano. The piano had been my only touch with humanity at the time. It was a shame that the only pieces I had played were heated.

I watched my fingers flow inhumanly across the piano. If I had been human, my hands would have been bleeding. I continued to play faster and faster. It was a full-blown description of that phase in my life.

Was Bella just a phase in my life? Would I eventually realize the error in my ways, like I had during my period of killing? Putting this one human in danger was equivalent killing all those people back in my rebellion phase. Possibly even worse. After killing all of those people, and then realizing the error in my ways, I had still been able to come home and continue living with my family.

If I ever harmed Bella, I would never be able to live with myself. While all the people I had killed had probably deserved it, Bella was innocent. Sweet, innocent, and undeserving of this curse that she would become a part of if she were to continue befriending me.

As I thought of Bella, my fingers began to slow. The song that I had been playing became less about speed and more about depth. The song touched my core. It became sweeter, like honey. No, sweeter than honey. Like Bella. The song was for Bella, about Bella. It seemed to emphasize everything that was Bella.

The killing phase in my life had altered my outlook on life entirely. It changed my opinion on killing, on the way humans should be treated. It changed my way of handling life, and made not thirsting on humans a much more reasonable cause. Without that phase in my life, I might not have been able to stop myself from taking her blood.

Similarly, Bella had completely altered my life. Whether she was just a phase of my life or not, I would never be able to go back to time where there was no Bella. There would never be a time when I did not remember her scent or the smile on her lips, or the sound of her heart beat. She had moved an unmovable being. And it could never be moved back.

Suddenly I could no longer take the wait. The sky was still overcast and it was nearly 6 o'clock. It did not matter that Bella was awake. I had not seen her face in nearly three days. I had not heard her heart beat in nearly three days. I needed to see her right then. Hear her. Smell her.

I grabbed my jacket off of the coat rack for appearances – not that I would be seen – and left for Bella's house.

I arrived there in precisely three minutes and placed myself in a tree just outside of Bella's window. She was not in her room at the time. Charlie's thoughts were focused on his fishing trip that day and the meal that Bella might be able to make later that week from his catch. Bella, I presumed since I could not hear her 'voice', was downstairs making dinner.

I waited to hear Bella's voice.

Throughout Bella's entire cooking process, she didn't say one word. She did, however, manage to drop three spoons, a bowl, and a pan. Each time, both Charlie and I winced. Charlie, while watching the baseball game on television, and I, while sitting outside of Bella's bedroom and waiting.

While I sat outside on the tree waiting, I wondered when Bella would finally end up coming back into her room. And then another idea hit me. There was no need for me to patiently sit here and wait. I could always enter her room and wait for her. And then when I heard her coming, I could leave. I would even be able to slip downstairs and watch her eat with her father.

I climbed onto a higher branch and gently eased myself into Bella's bedroom. I made no noise, and the Swans did not notice the presence of another being in the house. I didn't bother to turn on the light. I didn't need it.

Once in Bella's room, I took a deep breath before getting ready to head to the bottom of the stairs where I could see Bella. I instantly froze, keeling over with the scent of the room.

In the process of getting in the room and planning my way into Bella's house, I seemed to have forgotten that I was in Bella's room. Bella's room that was filled with Bella's scent. Her room smelled like Heaven. And Hell.

Testing the dangerous waters I was traveling on, I took another deep breath. The same desirable sensation ran through me. My head jerked towards the top of the stairs, and I automatically crouched in a pouncing position. My senses had found the source of the scent downstairs in Bella's kitchen. The venom built up in my throat. I had not smelt Bella in nearly three days. My body seemed to forget that I had just hunted.

It did not matter. All that mattered that I had Bella's scent right here in front of me. Just downstairs, so easily accessible. Just one other human being between me and what I wanted. One weak human – so easily taken out. I would take my time on the girl, but not let the blood get cold. It would be my one moment of weakness. Two deaths would make no difference on my record.

I leaned forward, putting more pressure on my toes. Ready to pounce.

_No!_

My mind fought my body as I was wrenched two different directions. I held on to my human-like senses long enough to stick my head out of the window. A few deep breaths helped clear the scent and my mind. I could no longer even think of going downstairs. I was in too much danger of harming Bella right now.

Tonight was worse than any other night in Bella's room had ever been. In the future, I would not be able to spend too much time away from Bella; time seemed to nullify all my efforts to stay humane around _her_ scent. I had to immunize myself to the scent again – not that I would ever completely be immune. I was lucky that Bella was not in the room when I had first entered. If this was just my reaction to her items, then God only knows what my reaction to her would have been.

I gritted my teeth and let my head into the room again. I could control myself; I _would_ control myself.

Warily, I took a normal breath. I felt my body clench and the venom in my throat build up, but this time I was able to hold back a full physical reaction. Hunting large game had helped a little bit. I wasn't completely thirsty anymore, even if my body still cried out for her.

Now somewhat in control of my emotions, I examined the room I was in.

I had never been in this room without Bella's presence. This was, after all, only the third night I had been here. The first night had been when I first discovered my jealousy; the second night was right before we had left for our hunting trip. I had needed to see Bella safe before I left for a few days.

I had never been able to clearly look at the room. Whenever Bella was in the room, my eyes automatically fell on her and never saw anything else.

Glancing at Bella's bed, I tentatively reached forward and picked up Bella's pillow. I held the pillow up to my face and took a whiff of it. It smelled like Bella and strawberries. I smiled.

"So I see you brought home enough fish to feed all of Forks?"

Ah, there was Bella's enchanting voice. It involuntarily reduced my immense thirst for her blood, or rather it increased my willpower to avoid reacting to it. Her voice let me concentrate more on her, rather than her scent. It was like a balm. It was her Savior, and mine too.

Charlie mumbled something in reply. Throughout the rest of the meal, they said little to nothing. I was satisfied with what I heard. I was content to even be hearing Bella's voice at all. It meant that she was still alive, and still very much real.

Bella mumbled that she was going to finish her English paper upstairs. Her footsteps on the stairs were my cue to leave. I winced on the tree outside of her room when I heard Bella fall on the stairs, again. She really needed to be protected from herself.

Bella came into her room and paused, as though something was out of place. I frowned. I was quite sure that I had put everything back exactly where I had found it. Then, to my surprise, Bella's eyes fell on the window. I shrunk back into the thick middle of the tree were it was impossible to be seen. After a second or so, Bella shrugged and began turning on her computer.

While Bella was working on her essay, I was left to examine her. She was wearing a pair of holey pajama bottoms and an old tee shirt. She looked ridiculously beautiful in it. Only Bella was able to pull off such a look of sweet innocence and utter beauty in an old pair of pajamas.

After Bella finished her essay, she put in a CD and turned up the music. My eyebrows rose when I heard the loud rock beat. Debussy to this? I smirked. Bella never failed to amaze me. I would probably end up going out and buying the CD later on. Just to see what Bella saw in the music.

Bella was asleep by 10 PM.

Once her heartbeat reached a normal level, and I was nearly positive that she was asleep, I quietly entered her room. I sat myself down on the rocking chair across from her bed and waited for Bella's voice.

I had to admit; making sure Bella stayed safe was not the only reason I was here. Bella said a great many things in her sleep, and what she said was fascinating. It was like getting the insight into her mind that I could never get while she was awake. I awaited it like a child awaited an ice cream truck.

"Green," Bella muttered as she tossed around.

I paused, a pleasant chill running through my body. I often found myself talking to Bella's sleep talk.

"What's green?" I murmured gently.

"Mom…it's too green here."

I sighed. She was talking about Forks again. And her mother. She missed both her mother and her home. A small sense of sadness crept through me. Although a large part of me knew it was best if Bella left back for Arizona, my heart still wanted her to make Forks her home. Arizona was much too sunny. And much too far away.

"It's too green," Bella mumbled again and then rolled over. The rain had started to downpour again. I glanced outside. Alice had said that it was going to be sunny tomorrow. The weather, thankfully, did not look very promising of that prediction.

Bella continued to toss and turn.

"No…" she mumbled, agitated. I got up out of the rocking chair and knelt beside Bella. She had never been that anxious in her sleep.

"Edward," she cried out again. My breath caught. I felt more worry than thrill from hearing those words. She sounded like she was in pain. Maybe she had finally discovered what I was. I was, after all, the perfect creature to be found in her nightmares. My face hardened.

My presence right now was probably unconsciously bothering her. She would probably want to cancel our Seattle plans when she next saw me on Wednesday. In that case, I should not be in her room.

I got up from her bedside to leave when Bella cried out again.

"Please don't…hurt…please…"

Was I hurting her too? Pain shot through me. I knelt beside her earnestly.

"Bella, darling, love, I will _never_ hurt you. For as long as I live, I will never harm a single hair on your head. I love you. I always will. You are my life, my soul, my eternity. I swear Bella, nothing will stop me from keeping you safe," I soothed, desperation dripping from my voice. The ache in my body increased with every word. I knew that I was trying to convince myself of these words more than I was trying to convince Bella's sleeping body.

I tentatively reached out and ran my fingers across Bella's forehead. The frown lines on her face smoothed out. She stopped tossing and turning and lay still. Assured that my skin was not somehow producing a negative reaction, I continued to stroke her forehead with my thumb. I gently moved her hair from her face.

"I love you," I continued to murmur, like a mantra.

After a few minutes, Bella was entirely peaceful in her sleep.

I smiled at her peaceful form. At least my presence was able to do something useful for her during her nightmare. Even if I was the main character of the nightmare. I was compelled to continue stroking her cheek and her face.

"Edward," Bella sighed out.

This time a pure thrill of life shot through my body. Her voice energized every part of me. I gently removed my fingers from her face. Her face scrunched for a minute before smoothing again. My body filled with unquenchable fire. I felt young and reckless and wildly in love.

Grinning, I sat back down in the rocking chair and watched Bella sleep the rest of her night dreamlessly.

--

Alice had been right. I swore. It was brilliantly sunny outside. This left me with no possibility to talk to Bella today. Unless I were to visit her later in the evening. But we weren't on close terms yet; it would be just a little bit odd for both her and her father if I showed up at her house in the evening without an explanation.

"Don't do it," Alice said.

I glanced at her from where I was sitting on the couch. Alice was on the carpet floor with her back pressed against the couch. She was painting her nails at an incredibly slow speed. It took all the fun out of painting nails, Alice said, if she did it at full speed. I didn't care; whatever suited her was fine with me. It wasn't like the acrid smell of nail polish that troubled some humans bothered me.

"It will be a very awkward situation for both of you. And you will end up giving her the wrong message if you just drop by today in the evening for a 'chat'," Alice continued. I looked at her coldly.

"I got the gist of that from your thoughts, but thanks you _so much _for repeating it out loud anyway," I muttered acidly. She really didn't have to say anything out loud, and she knew it. The more she said out loud, the more the rest of the family could hear. I got enough trouble from some members of the family without Alice telling them more than they needed to know.

When I came home early this morning, thrilled to the core, Alice had very inconveniently revealed that I had spent most of the night at Bella's house. Rosalie was repulsed and immediately left the room. Jasper was slightly shocked as he had been the other two nights, but one look from Alice silenced his thoughts. After that he simply shrugged and moved on.

Emmett perhaps had the worst reaction of all. When he realized what Alice was talking about, he catcalled loudly and then began making crude remarks. I told him several times that she was asleep the entire time I had been there – which really was not a significant lie, the only time I had been in Bella's room was when she was either asleep or not there – but that didn't seem to stop Emmett's persistent remarks. After awhile I simply stopped paying attention. Getting upset would only be fuel for the fire.

Predictably, Emmett entered the room to repeat Alice's words unnecessarily. I groaned inwardly. I almost wished that Emmett were still uncomfortable enough about my situation with Bella to not talk about it.

Emmett was grinning ear to ear.

No physical reaction, I reminded myself. No fuel for the fire.

"So you're planning on visiting Bella tonight?"

I said nothing.

"Actually," Alice quipped in, "the plan was to visit her in the evening so that he could actually talk to her."

"Talk, Edward? Now come on, was that _really_ all you wanted to do?"

My entire body froze so that I sat like a statue. I would not fuel Emmett's little games.

Emmett laughed. My fists clenched. I didn't react to what he had said, but to what he was thinking. Bella was an innocent angel. A queen of virtue. _No one_ would desecrate her virtue while I was still alive. Even in their mind. Especially if this desecration involved me.

Especially when the more human side of me longed for more.

I clenched my fists even more tightly and deliberately stared forward.

"Actually," Emmett added, "all he probably wants to do is talk. Talking is all Edward knows. A lack of experience would probably keep him from doing anything else. But hey, I've heard that guys without experience are more impassioned in…"

The love seat cushion smacked Emmett in the mouth, throwing him back against the wall.

Emmett had deliberately baited me, and I had taken the bait.

Emmett noisily dislodged himself from the wall and crouched with a menacing playfulness. I growled on the other side of the couch. My crouch was anything but playful. Emmett placed his palm upward and beckoned me with two fingers. I curled my teeth upward and snarled in a low tone.

Alice, who had been smiling cheekily earlier, took one at my expression and scowled.

"If you're going to fight, do it somewhere else. I'd rather not deal with dodging furniture while painting my nails."

"Shouldn't you be done by now?" I questioned angrily. I had finally snapped. I turned to face Emmett.

"And don't you have anything better to do? Or has your 'experience' come around as a negative and made you not 'impassioned' enough for Rosalie?"

"Whoa," Emmett said, surprised yet pleased that I was indulging his humor, "I didn't think you talked like that. And Rosalie is fixing her car right, by the way. But you know I can get her to stop if I wanted to." He winked playfully.

"Well don't let me get in the way," I muttered heatedly. The more I heard Emmett's chatter, the more annoyed I became. I fluidly got up to leave.

Emmett grinned and stretched himself out on the couch where I had just been sitting. Alice sighed.

_He shouldn't have said the last comment…Rosalie heard him from the garage and she's not going to be too happy._

A quick check into Rosalie's mind confirmed Alice's thoughts.

I smirked slightly as I left the room. Rosalie would give him a hard time later. She had dignity too, and Emmett had just crossed the line. More importantly, it kept Emmett busy for a while and away from mocking my problems. I had enough to deal with without Emmett's comments on my love life – or lack of love life.

Making a split second decision, I stepped out of the house through the back door into the sunny backyard, where I could not be seen. Unlike many vampire myths that have been created, we did not actually burn in the sun; we glittered like thousands of diamonds. Burning or shinning, both were equally inconvenient.

I sighed and gave up not trying to think about Bella.

She would be at school by now, but not in any class yet.

I could see her in my mind, arriving a little late to school because had been too busy admiring the rare sun in Forks. Her hair would be tied in a ponytail hurriedly and her face would be flushed. My accented sense of smell tingled at the thought of the blood that would rush to her face while running to make it to class.

My heavenly vision continued.

Running into the main building, she would then stop by at her locker, and no doubt drop a few books while attempting to open it. Then she would barely make it to class on time. Barely, but she would still be there. Flushed and entrancing to all who saw her.

I sighed. This break from Bella was becoming impossible to handle.

But did I really need to take a break from Bella?

The more I thought about it the less absurd it seemed. There were a good ten minutes before the first bell was supposed to ring, and there were plenty of trees around the school. I should easily be able to make myself unnoticeable among the dense group of trees near the front of the school.

And if that didn't work I could always run back and forth at a constant high speed. Vampires ran at such high speeds that they became nearly invisible to the human eye. As long as no one was directly staring in my general direction, I would be out of sight to the naked eye even in a clearing.

Moreover, I could detect suspicion of anything unusual in any human's mind. I would be able to leave the area if anyone's suspicion increased too much. All except for Bella of course. But I had grown so attuned and attached to Bella's heartbeat that I could detect any significant increase in her heartbeat, which might be caused by unusual suspicion.

The eager recklessness that I had fought to dissipate last night had worked itself back into my body. I was going to see Bella before nightfall.

The only thing left for me to do was to see where Bella actually was in school. I did not want to waste any time searching for her when there was another better option available.

My enthusiasm increased my speed as I sprinted back into the house to find Alice. Alice knew what my thoughts were before I had even entered the house.

_She arrived at school early, so she decided to sit on a picnic bench on the south side of the cafeteria and check math problems. Be careful not to be seen Edward._

Taking Alice's advice, I left home and ran to school to see Bella.

I arrived there with five minutes to spare. The entire school had become fairly populated within that time. Luckily, the park bench in Alice's vision was right in front of the woods behind the high school. I would easily be able to cover myself in the thicket of trees.

Being a few hundred feet from Bella did nothing to change my vision of her. Her lips were pursed and her eyes were focused on the paper in front of her. Her legs were slightly crossed and her hair was blowing in the light breeze.

The rest of the student body disappeared in front of my eyes. All I could see was the angel in front of me.

Mike Newton abruptly ruined the picturesque moment.

"Bella!" Mike called out. Bella's head jerked up instantly. She looked surprised but happy. The sun lit up her face more than a thousand diamonds could ever light up my body.

"Hey Mike!" Bella called back, waving enthusiastically.

The happiness that had entered my body when seeing Bella instantly disappeared. Horror and revulsion replaced it. Did something happen at that beach trip while I was away?

Mike sat on the bench next to Bella. She smiled at him and he shifted close to her. Despair racked through my body. Painful as it was to watch them, I could not look away.

"I never noticed before – your hair has red in it," he commented, putting a strand of her hair behind her ear. This time I had to look away. Some time ago, I had agreed to let Bella chose whoever she desired, but _Mike Newton_? Mind blowing pain filled my body as logic fought a battle against my heart.

"Only in the sun," Bella replied, subtly angling herself away from Mike.

I gazed at her again, confused. There was something off about the way she turned away from him. I dared to hope.

Mike's body language and thoughts were unperturbed.

"Great day, isn't it?"

"My kind of day," Bella echoed.

"What did you do yesterday?" Mike demanded, propriety ringing in every syllable. The voice sounded too demanding. _She better not have been with Jacob Black!_

I smiled smugly. Hope had fully returned. Mike Newton was in the exact same position with Bella as he had been before the beach trip. Nowhere near her heart. Not that I was anywhere near her heart either, but at least I knew that it wasn't because my efforts weren't sincere. I just wasn't allowed to show any efforts. Bella could not be tied down to this black hole that was my life.

Jacob Black was not a worry yet. He was just a child. True, a child that came from werewolves, but a child nonetheless.

"I mostly worked on my essay," Bella said hesitantly.

Mike hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. I willed him to continue slapping his forehead with his hand. Or on second thoughts, he probably shouldn't. He didn't have very many brain cells to spare.

"Oh yeah!" Mike exclaimed. "That's due Thursday, right?"

"Um Wednesday, I think."

"Wednesday?" He forced himself to frown. In his mind, he was jumping up and down like a child; he was just happy to be making small talk with Bella. How I could have possibly thought Mike and Bella were _together_?

"That's not good…What are you writing yours on?"

"Whether Shakespeare's treatment of female characters is misogynistic." Her eyes lit up confidently. I chuckled quietly; Bella would choose an opinionated topic like that. She understood her subject matter. Mike on the other hand…

He had an entirely blank expression. Even his thoughts were silent.

"I guess I'll have to get to work on that tonight," he said still slightly confused. He then brightened. "I was going to ask if you wanted to go out."

He had asked the question so suddenly that it took a moment to react. But when I finally reacted, it hit as hard as it hit the first time. Rage boiled over in my body. Fire ran through my veins. Anger took over my body. Jealousy consumed me. I found my body shaking, blurring the outline of my body.

I clenched my teeth.

With much effort, I controlled the physical reaction. The emotional rage, however, could not be suppressed.

I snarled quietly.

"Oh," Bella mumbled awkwardly.

"Well, we could go to dinner or something…and I could work on it later," Mike continued hopefully. Jealousy was truly an odd emotion. Even though I knew Bella was going to reject him, the anger still appeared ten fold. Every fiber in my being longed to tear through him, launch at his throat, and suffocate his ungrateful self.

I pinched the bridge in my nose to control my anger and frustration.

"Mike…" Bella sighed, a clear indication of rejection, "I don't think that would be the best idea."

Mike's face instantly fell. I felt no pity for him.

"Why?" Mike questioned suspiciously. His thoughts came out sounding like a whine. _I bet it's because of Edward Cullen. I was half expecting him to show up to La Push on Saturday. Thank goodness he chickened out. He has every single girl following him…why does he have to talk to the girl I want to be with…_

I was surprised to hear my name, although I shouldn't have been. Our small conversation at lunch seemed to have become a historic moment throughout the junior and senior classes of Forks High School.

Bella took a moment to word her thoughts.

"I think…" Bella began hesitantly and then added in an undertone, "and if you ever repeat what I'm saying right now I will cheerfully beat you to death, but I think that would hurt Jessica's feelings."

Jessica again. Jessica had annoyed me back when she was obsessed with me, and her name now was causing trouble too. And worry. Was Bella only rejecting Mike because of Jessica? What if Jessica were out of the picture?

For a split second I was thankful that Jessica was around. And then I remembered all the trouble she had caused and all the gossip she made out of Bella's life. From what I saw in Jessica's mind, she wasn't in a good mood today either.

Mike seemed even more confused than before. How dense could he be?

"Jessica?"

He had forgotten about Jessica. Poor Jessica didn't even deserve a fool like him.

"Really, Mike, are you _blind_?"

Mike seemed relieved. He too thought that Bella was only rejecting him because of Jessica. I grew more frustrated with every passing second.

"Oh," he exhaled gratefully.

"It's time for class, and I can't be late again," Bella said hurriedly, attempting to cover the awkward situation, and they walked off to class. Away from me.

I would not be able to see Bella anymore, or hear her "voice" for that matter, but I would be able to read the people's minds around her to see what she was up to. I had originally intended to simply see Bella before school and then leave, but her presence was like a drug. I was hooked onto it and now couldn't leave.

Besides, what else was there to do? Go home and listen to Emmett?

But no matter how much reasoning I made for staying here, I couldn't deny that I was partially here to see what Mike was going to do. For now it seemed like one rejection a day was his limit, but who knew what was really going through his mind.

I chuckled at that. Of course I knew exactly what was going through his mind. I could, after all, see the inside of his head. And that was why I was staying here. I may not be able to do anything about Mike, but at least I could see what was going on.

I buried myself further into the woods behind the school, and carefully made sure I was out of the sun.

A second passed in almost silence.

Sighing in resignation, I let go of all the energy that it had taken to ignore the several voices of the high school. The gates opened and the flood of voices came in.

High school clamor was significantly nauseating. It might actually be better for half of these students to _stop_ thinking. They might just make smarter decisions. Closing my eyes, I sorted through all the voices until I narrowed down a few voices that I was sure would interact with Bella. The voices were made up of Jessica, Angela, Lauren, and unfortunately Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley.

Fixing my mind on the first human, I delved into Jessica's mind.

It began unoriginally and selfishly as most human minds did. She was thinking about her image in her small compact mirror. She thought her hair was too dry; she would have to put some conditioner in it today. Bella turned to Jessica and asked a question. Jessica smiled and cheerfully answered the question. Her inner thoughts, however, were anything but pleasant.

_Look at her. She looks like she just rolled out of bed. Why do guys like her so much? Is the 'rolled out of bed' look the new thing? Whatever it is, it looks stupid. I bet I can pull off a much better look that can impress Mike more than Bella would ever be able to. After all, Mike did ask me to the dance, not Bella…_

Annoyed, I stopped focusing in on Jessica. I didn't want to hear Jessica's insulting thoughts on Bella or her rant about Mike Newton. The urge to protect Bella and spite Jessica rose in my chest. The worst injuries come from those that are closest to you. And right now, Jessica was Bella's closest human friend. I now knew how irrational jealousy could be and therefore knew what havoc Jessica could wreak based on that sole feeling.

That jealousy had been there since the day she had met Bella. I might have acted upon her emotions earlier if I hadn't thought that Bella could handle this situation on her own.

Even when Bella was with her human friends, she appeared to be slightly unattached from the group. It was like she knew that the most that Jessica could do to her was take away her friendship, and it wasn't worth that much to begin with in the first place.

That left my protectiveness over Bella without a justification.

I shook my head. I was over thinking things again.

Instead of looking at individual children's minds - which was beginning to become unbearable, I decided that I would look at the school's atmosphere as a whole. After sometime of mulling around in the minds of the general student body – a tedious affair – I discovered the general "talk" going around the school.

Mike had carried Jessica's books for her in order to make Bella jealous, and Jessica was ecstatic. Fully assured that Mike Newton was hers, she enthusiastically invited Bella to go dress shopping with her, Angela, and Lauren in Port Angeles. She pitied Bella. Bella said she would ask her father.

I frowned. Unless Bella went with them after the sun went down, I would not be able to keep an eye on her. I grew slightly worried. Port Angeles was only a small step above Forks regarding danger level, but knowing Bella, she would find herself in some sort of trouble. And this time I wouldn't be able to save her.

Fear poured into my system. What if Bella got separated from the group and went out alone? What if someone else found her?

I shook my head. There wasn't any reason for her to leave the group of girls while shopping. No reason at all. No reason to be worried.

My worry did not extinguish.

Lauren Mallory's nasally "voice" churned out my name in the school's cafeteria during lunch.

_There she goes again. Staring at the Cullen table looking all depressed. I bet she's looking for Edward Cullen. Who does she think she is anyway? Why would Edward Cullen be interested her in the first place? So he talked to her once, big deal. I've talked to him too! She's not nearly good enough for him._ I growled automatically. _Besides what's she doing staring at the Cullen table when she's supposed to be going to Prom with Tyler? How could Tyler do that to me? How dare she…_

I pulled away, bemused. Prom? With Tyler? Was he still delusional? Turning away from Lauren, I found Tyler's voice right next to hers.

_Wow. Lauren looks hot, even when she's pissed off. And I'm the guy taking her to the Spring Dance or whatever that is. And I'm going to Prom with Bella, and she's got that innocent cute look going for her. It's a double hitter that only I could have pulled off…_

I could see a blurry visual through Tyler's mind. He was talking animatedly with Lauren, and then suddenly turned away when Lauren turned away to talk to Jessica. Tyler grinned widely at Bella, and Bella looked taken aback. She smiled uncertainly back at him, and then frowned when he winked. The frown became hazy and then was somehow converted into a wink back at him. Smirking smugly in his thoughts, he continued to praise his ability to get the two best-looking girls in the junior class.

Tyler's situation would have been laughable had it not been with Bella. While earlier it had been funny to see Tyler get rejected, I was now partly responsible for the dilemma I had put Bella in. The child was delusional and was imagining that Bella was flirting with him, which was not the case. From experience, I had learned how to tell when someone was lying in their thoughts. I had no doubt that Bella's wink was a made up fantasy. That only fueled my idea that Tyler was mentally unbalanced and should be nowhere near Bella.

Tyler was a hopeless case. My only fear was that Bella would go with him to avoid further embarrassing him. She would do something sweet and selfless like that. We truly were polar opposites. She was a human, breakable, and selfless, and now bound to Forks. I was a vampire, unbreakable, and selfish. I was inhumanly fast and could go anywhere I desired.

Oh God, then what was I doing here? Did I really just spend the last few hours looking at high school students' minds just so that I might get a small glimpse of Bella? Had I lost my mind? Was I really that desperate?

Jessica began absentmindedly daydreaming.

_If only Mike were more like Edward. Oh Edward Cullen. If only those perfect lips would press against mine, if only that perfect body would…_

No, I was not that desperate yet.

Now fully repulsed, I pulled my energy back into ignoring the voices mulling in my head. There was no more reason to stay. I had had more than my dose of useless teenager garble for one day. Confirming one last time that Bella was safe – other than some hormonal teenage boys – I left the high school grounds as quickly as possible.

I would find Bella later and catch a glimpse of her before she left for Port Angeles that day. Then the moment the sun disappeared, I would be behind her, tracing her footsteps, acting as her silent protector.

I couldn't help but wonder when the protector would become the predator.

Shaking those dangerous thoughts, I entered my home. I had some time to kill before I could visit Bella's house and see what her plans were.

Everyone at home was occupied in his or her own tasks. Alice and Jasper were outside, spending some quality time together. Rosalie was stubbornly fixing her car, refusing to listen to Emmett, while Emmett was desperately planning ways to make it up to Rosalie. Esme was tending to her backyard garden, and Carlisle was in his office.

My presence was only vaguely acknowledged when I got home. Emmett sought me out to apologize.

"Look Edward, you know I was joking around, right?"

I smirked. Yeah, right.

"Are you sure about that?"

Emmett grinned back.

"Okay, I wasn't completely joking. But the things I said about Rosalie, for example, were jokes." He spoke to the floor rather than to me, knowing that Rosalie would hear it in the garage.

"She's ignoring you, you know."

"I know," Emmett sighed.

Carlisle's 'voice' came as a surprise when he called Emmett and me upstairs into his office. He wasn't specific about it.

"Carlisle wants to talk to all of us?" Emmett asked curiously when I told him. I shrugged and both of us ascended the stairs to his office. Alice, Jasper, and Esme were already upstairs in his office. Jasper was intently staring at Alice whose eyes were closed. Esme was standing beside Carlisle, who was more apprehensive than usual. I could see why.

"They're coming this week?" I abruptly blurted out when I entered the room. Emmett looked at me, confused.

"Yes," Carlisle replied. "Alice has informed me that our three nomadic human blood sucking vampires are coming this week – more likely this weekend than during the week."

I glanced back at Alice. It now became obvious that she was trying to have another vision about these new vampires.  
"I thought we would have more time to prepare for this," Esme stated, somewhat surprised.

"Does it matter? You know we can take them down," Emmett said confidently – a grin plastered on his face. This would be a break from the monotone for him. Carlisle sighed.

"They're not looking to fight us. They want to become friends and stay with us for a while. I have a feeling that they do not know about our lifestyle yet. They will not like it."

A conversation ensued from there. There were several areas we needed to take into account. We could not afford to alienate them because they might become angry and hunt in this area. We could not afford to keep them here for long either because they would need to hunt. Hunting here might reveal us for what we are.

My main concern was Bella's safety. If Bella were in Forks when these vampires arrived, she would be in danger of being harmed. It was bad enough that I was in the picture. Vampires that drank human blood would be a thousand times worse; they had no sense of control of their bloodthirsty systems. Under no circumstances would I allow Bella near _these_ vampires.

I wondered if I could convince Bella to stay with me this entire weekend. She was going to spend all of Saturday with me in Seattle; perhaps I could convince her to spend Sunday with me too.

Two days alone with Bella. I wasn't so sure that it was even a better option. That would be the ultimate test of my control. I couldn't afford to fail. I would be intoxicated for two days straight. What if I simply never brought her back?

But she was telling her father right? If she never came home, her father would certainly notice. And if he knew that she was coming with me, I would be the primary suspect. That might just be enough incentive to bring Bella back home.

I struggled to find another option that would keep Bella safe – meaning away from all bloodthirsty vampires – yet still have someone that could keep her out of trouble watching over her. I came up with nothing else.

I would have to keep her with me for the weekend. I would have to keep her away from all that wanted to hurt her.

Guilt arose instantly. I was planning to abandon my family when they needed me. But did they really need me, my heart argued back. There was more than enough manpower here without me.

In the end, logic won. I wasn't needed here for manpower. I would be needed to keep tabs on their minds, to make sure that they were satiated enough to not think about hunting humans. I would play a key role in keeping the Forks community safe.

But what about Bella's safety?

If only there was some way to keep Bella with me and stay with my family at the same time…

_Edward_, Esme's voice said gently. _What is on your mind?_

I shrugged as nonchalantly as possible while my mind raged on. Esme looked at me curiously and then impulsively spoke up.

"What about Bella?" she said softly. The words came out of her mouth the instant she thought them.

The entire family turned to face her, including me.

"What about Bella?" Carlisle asked, mildly surprised.

"Yes, what about Bella?" Rosalie sneered. I growled. Esme ignored her.

"What are we going to do with Bella when these vampires come?" Esme looked pointedly in my direction. I smiled at her gratefully. She was treating Bella with special care, which is exactly what I wanted to do.

"I don't see why we need to do anything," Rosalie scoffed. "She should be treated like every other human in this town."

"But she's not like every other human in this town," Alice said reasonably. "At least not to Edward anyway."

"Yes," Esme added keenly.

_Edward loves her so much…if he loses her…_

It was unspoken what would happen to me if Bella were gone. A cold shiver ran down my spine. I wasn't even going to consider it.

"That is a good point," Carlisle said thoughtfully. He turned to me.

_What do you think?_  
"Well," I began, unsure of what exactly my plan was. "I was considering staying with Bella for the weekend. I am already staying with her all of Saturday. I don't think it will be too much effort to stay the night with her, without her knowing of course, and then convince her to spend Sunday with me too."

"Edward," Jasper said hesitantly, "Do you think it's really wise…"

"There isn't another option. I _can't_ see Bella get hurt, not when there is something I can do to prevent it!" I said heatedly.

"And what about us," Rosalie added coldly. "_Bella's_ not the only one that needs you either. It would be a damper on our effort to save the Forks community if the one person who could read their minds is missing. Are you really going to risk this entire town for one human?"

"There will be no risk to the entire town, "I promised. "Alice will be able to tell beforehand when they are coming. When she finds out when they are coming, she can call me and I'll drop Bella home and be wherever you need me to be before those vampires show up. That way Bella will be safe because we'll know where the nomadic vampires are; not near Bella. At the same time, I'll be able to be with the family to put up a united front."

My family was silent.

"That sounds like a decent plan," Emmett finally responded.

"If you think that will work," Jasper shrugged.

"That's perfect!" Alice chirped in happily, breaking the mood of silence.

The discussion regarding the new vampires continued.

I sat back, relieved. Bella would be safe from the new vampires, for now.

But how would I make her safe from me?

The rest of Monday passed uneventfully. I visited Bella's house in the shadows after school and discovered that her Port Angeles plans had been postponed until the next day. Could it really be true? Was my luck really turning for the better? Hopefully it wouldn't be sunny tomorrow, notwithstanding what Alice predicted.

Because I could not hear Bella's 'voice', I could not tell exactly what she was doing. In order to do that, I would have to enter sunlight – not even an option. I, however, heard a steel pan drop, a pencil break, and a machine loudly whir on. From that, I easily took that Bella had prepared dinner, did some writing – probably homework, and went on the computer.

To my pleasant surprise, Bella then came outside where I could see her and brought out an old quilt and a compilation of Jane Austen works with her. She placed the blanket in the shade, lay on top of it and tried to select a novel to read. Apparently she could not find anything she wanted to read at that moment because, after furiously flipping through the book a few times, she put it aside altogether. Then she rolled over onto her back and lay there, soaking in the sun.

In a few minutes she was fast asleep.

I watched Bella avidly. This sleep was much quieter, less disturbed by Bella's sleep talk. Although it was slightly disappointing to not hear my name on Bella's lips, I was happy that she was able to sleep undisturbed for the first time since her arrival.

For once, I sat down in the thicket of trees I was in and relaxed. I let my mind float away into a trance-like state that was the closest we could achieve to sleeping. As I watched Bella in her sleep I knew that all was well. Before Bella, my life had no purpose. Now my life was filled with meaning, with a cause.

My life was filled with love. Unfulfilled love it would always remain, but it was better to love and be tortured by it than to not have loved at all.

Bella's lips parted in her sleep. I smiled

Yes, it was better to have loved.

In the warmth of the sun and the warmth of my sun, I lost track of time. I only realized how late it had become – for humans – when Charlie's cruiser was heard coming down the lane. I abruptly sat up and moved farther back into the trees.

When Charlie's cruiser entered the driveway, Bella woke up. She stared frantically around her for a moment, before realizing where she was. She turned and stared back into the trees and for a moment I thought she had seen me. But she then shook her head and then sprinted into the house, apologizing for the lateness of dinner.

"Don't worry about it," Charlie said. "I wanted to catch the score on the game, anyway."

_The poor girl works so hard. Something is not right with the picture – my daughter's cooking while I'm watching the game. Am I doing enough around the house? I almost feel like she's the parent and I am the child._

Guilt filled his thoughts. He thought he wasn't being a good enough father.

Because of this, Charlie decided that after dinner they would bond over some TV. He knew that Bella did not like watching baseball, so he switched to a sitcom hoping she would enjoy that.

_She doesn't seem to like this show either. Oh well, at least we are spending some time together._

That thought happily got him through the sitcom. Until Bella interrupted.

"Dad, Jessica and Angela are going to look at dresses for the dance tomorrow night in Port Angeles, and they wanted me to help them choose…do you mind if I go with them?"

"Jessica Stanley?" Charlie questioned. _She's a decent girl – comes from a good family._

"And Angela Weber," Bella sighed. I could see the small town frustration painted on her features. Charlie was confused.

"But you're not going to the dance, right?" _Maybe she is going. I hope she is – she needs to get out more. Maybe she's going with a boy, that's why she didn't tell me before. It could be that Mike Newton. He comes from a good family too…_

I growled quietly. Why was it always Mike Newton?

"No Dad," she sighed again. "But I'm helping them find dresses – you know, giving them constructive criticism."

"Well, okay," he shrugged. "It's a school night, though."

"We'll leave right after school, so we can get back early. You'll be okay for dinner, right?" Dinner. That meant that Bella would be still out while it was dark. I would be able to follow her.

"Bells, I fed myself for seventeen years before you got here." _Although the food was no good. God knows what I'm going to do when Bella leaves again…_

I clenched the branch in front of me in a moment of instant fear. It crumbled. I mechanically shuffled the brown powder from the branch into the dirt with my foot. Hiding the evidence. I knew what had caused that reaction.

"I don't know how you survived," Bella muttered, and then promised her father to leave cold cuts in the fridge. I scrunched my nose in disgust. Processed meat. Of all foods, cold cuts were one of the worst.

It was almost dawn, almost when the sun was out, when my phone went off in my pocket. Swearing quietly, I pulled it out of my pocket and jumped out of Bella's window so I would not disturb her.

"Alice?" I asked, confused. The new vampires weren't supposed to be coming until much later this week. Were they already…

"It's Jasper," a much deeper voice answered. "You should come home."

"What happened?"

The phone went dead.

My question had never been answered. I sprinted off into the semi-darkness.

When I did get my answer, however, I could have punched Jasper.

"You have a phone call," Jasper grinned. I scowled.

"You called me, told me I _needed_ to come home, just to inform me that someone _called_ me!"

"Her voice sounded urgent," Jasper smirked, handing me the phone. Emmett barely muffled a laugh on the other side of the living room.

Tanya. I suppressed a groan. Of course Jasper would be amused. Anything that had to do with her seemed to amuse my brothers after she had declared love for me. I had declined her in a gentleman like manner because – although she was pretty – there had been no spark between us, no thrill in my body when she spoke, nothing whatsoever. She was a good friend, but I did not love her in that way.

Still, it was hard to avoid the longing in her voice whenever she spoke to me. I was not the only one that noticed it.

Emmett cleared his throat, and pointed to the phone. He winked.

I rolled my eyes. Emmett had always argued that I could not know that I wasn't in love with Tanya. After all, I had never been in love before. At least he could no longer argue that point.

I brought the phone to my ear.

"Hello Tanya," I said politely.

"Edward!" Tanya exclaimed happily. Neither Jasper nor Emmett was pretending to watch the television anymore. Both were staring at me with identical grins. I scowled.

At least she was _trying_ to make me comfortable. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't control her tone or her thoughts at every single moment.

"Yes, It's Edward," I said gently, attempting to keep the scowl out of my tone.

"How are you?" she asked sweetly.

"Quite well," I replied sincerely. Bella had not had any nightmares last night. I mentally noted that a lack of rain led to a lack of nightmares.

"That is good to hear. We have all been worried about you – your last visit hear left all of us a little bit concerned."

I winced. The last time I had visited them I had been trying to escape the horrendously wonderful smell of Bella.

"I am truly sorry about that. I did not mean to worry all of you," I said regretfully.

"It's quite alright. That is actually why I called. We really wanted to make sure you were fine. You have not spoken to us since that visit."

Emmett smirked. _Are you sure that by "we" and "us" she doesn't mean "I" and "me"?_

I angrily motioned for him to leave the room. He shook his head, still grinning. _It wouldn't matter; I would still be able to hear you and sweet Tanya._

I rolled my eyes and left the room instead.

"I am sorry about that," I spoke into the phone quietly, "I should have called. There was no excuse for that – especially when you let me stay in your home without any advance notice."

"It was nothing, Edward. After all, our home is your home."

Emmett chuckled. Damn him for twisting everything the wrong way.

There was an awkward pause.

"What were you so upset about that day?" Tanya asked curiously.

I froze for a second and then lied smoothly.

"I hadn't hunted for awhile, and the scent was just getting to me. Somebody brushed up against me and I nearly lost it. After that I just walked out of school and the next thing I knew I was in Alaska." I laughed forcefully.

"I guess I just overreacted a little bit."

Tanya laughed on the other end.

"You do tend to do that."

"Sometimes," I quickly agreed, relieved that she bought my story.

We made some more small talk, until there was nothing left to talk about. Conversation became awkward and broken, but it would be impolite to simply hang up. I realized that I would need an excuse to get out of further conversation. Jasper and Alice were also in the room and I silently asked for some help. Jasper grinned and shook his head.

_She wants to talk to you, not me._

I glared. I would get him for that later.

Alice gave a pitying smile and held out her hand for the phone.

I smiled at her gratefully.

The day went on. School was just ending, and Alice had promised to keep tabs on Bella for me. I saw Alice's eyes glaze over and saw the vision in her mind.

Bella, Jessica and Angela were in a car, laughing amiably, while driving off into the distance. The Unknown.

I clenched my teeth in an automatic reaction to negate the irrational fear. There were only a few hours until the sun disappeared. Only a few hours before I would follow her. Become her Protector. Her Savior.

Her worst nightmare.


End file.
